Should an alpha male look for an alpha female?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Updates

+1 y

I don't really believe in the "alpha beta omega omicron" dichotomy, but I do think that an assertive woman and an assertive man could make it work if they set clear boundaries.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

One has to submit to the other when the other is around or else they will drive each other insane and fail to resolve conflicts competing over who gets the final say. Having two leaders at the same level of a hierarchy over any group, however small or large, is a recipe for perpetual conflict (not just between themselves but any followers they have, like two bosses at a workplace telling their workers incompatible things to do while quarreling with each other over who actually gets to lead).

The ultimate function of a leader as I see it is to resolve disputes over courses of action that affect the entire group. The leader listens to everyone's ideas and says, "All right everyone, I've listened to everyone's ideas and I've chosen this idea as our mutual course. In exchange, if this idea guides us down a path which leads us to a metaphorical fan with shit flying into it, I will stand in front of the fan and do everything I can to protect all of you from the flying shit. That is my burden in exchange for having the designated role of making the executive decision. I will even protect the person who comes up with the idea; if it backfires, it is not your fault, but mine, because I am the one who chose it even if I am not the one who came up with it."

I do think leadership qualities are valuable in both men and women. If I'm the metaphorical captain of the ship in my household, then my wife is at least my first officer and most trusted advisor, and she's a competent leader in her own right which is really useful when I'm not around, incapacitated, or if I am to die. It's great to know my family's fate is in capable hands in those cases.

Yet despite my wife's competent leadership skills, she does look to me and trust me to have the final say on matters that affect us. That's extremely important to me because it allows me to resolve disputes and be the first one responsible for protecting my family when I'm around which I consider my ultimate responsibility.

I also value her assertiveness. I think most people conflate submission with hyper-agreeableness. Only selfish leaders who prioritize their own needs above the needs of their team want the most agreeable followers. Selfless leaders that prioritize the well-being of their followers above themselves need a good dose of agreeableness, provided it isn't out of line and constantly challenging their authority, so that they know what their followers actually need and want.

But ultimately any organization as I see it, whether it's a household or a workplace, needs a designated leader that is designated to have the final say over matters that affect everyone. Emphasis only on matters that affect everyone: a competent leader paired with competent followers should not have to micromanage matters that don't affect everyone: a captain of the ship shouldn't have to tell the ship's doctor how to run their medical practice.

When a husband and wife lacks such a designated leader, they might be able to last for a while if they are able to negotiate and compromise away all disagreements. Yet if they ever reach a point where they can't compromise to the point of mutual agreement, I suspect they will find a designated leader most sorely lacking, and find this designated leader who has the final say in the form of a judge in a divorce court.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

[*] Selfless leaders that prioritize the well-being of their followers above themselves need a good dose of [assertiveness in their followers], provided it isn't out of line and constantly challenging their authority, so that they know what their followers actually need and want.

Selfless leaders, such as those who follow the Servant Leadership model in business, don't just desire but need to have followers willing to voice their concerns and share their ideas. Blind submission is not a quality valued among selfless leaders who are motivated to be leaders for ethical rather than power-hungry reasons.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I should clarify in my case that I'm only speaking of "alpha" as in "leader" of the household, and not a personality trait. Like you, I don't subscribe much to this pop-psychology designation of "alpha" from "beta" from "omega" and "sigma" and so forth. Mostly I'm just speaking to the general notion of leadership dynamics. A household with two leaders on equal footing as I see it is basically a household without a leader, and I think such a household is almost always prone to lead towards a critical dispute which can never be resolved because there's no one designated leader with the ultimate responsibility of resolving it when trying to share that responsibility between two parties unless the two parties happen to be able to ultimately arrive at an agreement on everything that affects everyone and perfectly share the burden that both are equally to blame if that decision leads them down a harmful path.

[AviatorTom]

No, two Alphas don't work. they each want to be in control, and that's not possible. Someone has to be a Beta.

[Anonymous]

Assertive in most DECENT respectable society is code for douchebag, loser, trash. Real leaders are identified by the way in which they carry themselves, they act, they behave - oftentimes respectfully, etc. not insulting, etc. other people. So they act NOTHING like self claimed "alpha".

And that IS what self claimed "alpha" are. Douchebag.

They run around crying "look at me, look at me I'm important" when reality is, they're not. To the rest of the world they're nobodies. Except to people who are less than them.

Take influencers as an example of "alpha" in today's world. Most influencers are fools who only became popular because 98% of their followers are dumber than they are.

[wiltingrosepetal]

Dude i don't even know what that's meant to mean 💀 like should a strong, confident, successful guy go for a woman like that? I guess but usually when a person desires power/control they will desire it in a relationship too. Dominant women go for submissive men. If you have a personality that needs to be in charge, it would feel suffocating to date someone just like you

[CozyCoffin]

The whole concept, in human terms, is, frankly, completely useless bullshit. It’s something people with low self esteem latch onto to make themselves feel better. I immediately suspect neglectful and abusive parenting, leading to multiple psychological issues. They’re usually deeply unable to fulfill any sort of real leadership role unless they have someone submissive to treat like garbage.

[normalice]

Seems like it would be best for everyone else if people who subscribe to such nonsense found each other, sure.

[Kelley1]

Assuming the defination of Alpha is the best and the most desirable, it depends on if it is for marriage or sex. Alpha males FK Beta females but they marry Alphas.

[Unit1]

,.'"

[NathanDavis]

... and then find out both are full of BS and nonsense... lmao

[KrakenAttackin]

No man wants an Alpha female for anything but recreational activities.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

What kind of recreational activities?

[KrakenAttackin]

Sex.

[Miah04]

Doubt that's a good idea.

People who claim to be alpha like to dominate, and in charge.

If they both are trying to run the relationship, it's just gonna be a constant fight for supremacy.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Ever see the movie “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”? Not the remake but the one with Angelina and Brad?


You would just end up with both trying to out Alpha the other. Remember to that the female alpha has PMS on her side.

[RebelinSteel]

It’s amazing how you switch of with those alpha beta things. Must be one of the most pointless and fundamentally wrong things going. I hate to think how much harm those names also cause.

[slatyb]

Neither are real and there's no "should" about it. People seem to instinctively seek their equals in intelligence, drive, emotional maturity, and fitness.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Like what they're calling "a boss bitch" now a days? Haha no... no I'll pass on that.

[ImHere22]

Naw, Sun, as a Ravenclaw, I had to make sure she was from a different house entirely. Now, our lives are not in constant peril.

[IslaTheWitch]

they would kill each other :D

two strong personalities with a tendency to take control shouldn't create a relationship

[LazerBean]

People tend to do best with people like themselves.

[AnusNdaPainus]

Do you know why if you want a pet wolf it HAS to be a female?

because I make wolf will constantly be challenging you for dominance

opposites attract

[RedInnocent68]

Not always practical. It does happens though. Probably more so than alpha females look for alpha females.

[SotiCoto]

Anyone who calls themselves "alpha" isn't really confident. They're just trying too hard to fake it.

[SolitarySolace]

Not unless he wants his life ruined and end up on the streets with nothing but child support fucking him up the ass

[Stella98_]

This sounds like a good way to be butt heads. I think opposite is better. Also better when introvert and extrovert one make up for the weakness of the other.

[dolemite58]

“Alpha females” are just girls with nice jobs that act like a cunt. Find a girl that isn’t a pain in the ass all the time.

[getwiththepg]

No. They will be competing to control each others’ lives.

[Zestyassmf1997]

I think so, yeah. It’s easy to say you’re hot shit if you’ve never been tested.

[TonyMetal___86]

I guess that he must look for someone who suits him

[Kingofkings1992]

“Alpha” doesn’t exist. It’s a phony act thought of by immature, insecure, and unintelligent men.

[laly520]

the alpha thing is so fake n overrated

[Elena_Stewart]

It will be a war zone

[Anonymous]

Yes, morons should date with other morons.

[OfDeath]

They would just argue all the time

[OtterMan68]

what about Gamma Males and Delta Girls?

[JayBones]

Look for? They normally find him.

[Anonymous]

I don’t buy these Alpha bull💩s

[Chthou95]

No such thing as an alpha female

[HelpfulWoman]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[KittygosMeoWW]

Lmfao

[pickles77]

Noo choose peace ☮️