I'm a little concerned about the guy I'm dating who updated his tinder bio?

[Lalalove11]

Okay so we aren't exclusive, and I don't want to sound possessive or anything. I'm just a bit concerned because we have met up three times (two dates, one hookup) please don't judge.. it's just we knew we weren't going to see eachother in a while. And plan to continue dating. I personally don't like to date more than one guy at a time. I even paused my profile but I was able to see his updated and felt immediately disheartened. Is this a red flag? He's also travelled to another country for the long weekend so I'm guessing he's trying to date other women there too.

[incorrected]

If it's not exclusive, and you're happy with that, what's the issue? The issue is you want him to be exclusive and you don't like that he's not being but won't tell him that. I'll tell you this though: Although dating is much harder for men in general, and thus the numbers game has to be played to some extent, even so there's a general trend that the men who do play that numbers game tend to be players. If they're only dating you, you're less likely to be attracted to him because the "social proof" matters on a deep biological level, which is why men do better (in terms of female attention) once they're wearing a wedding ring.

Chase chad, get nothing, die with cats. That's how it works.

[Lalalove11]

I don't want to be chasing chad , I certainly don't want to end up alone. Advice? Who should I go for

[incorrected]

I would have to first know exactly what you're looking to build with a man, what would that relationship be like? The reason I'd need to know, in order to offer an opinion (advice is a dodgy idea, there are so many ways for it to go wrong), is that who you're looking for will boil down to a filtering strategy. For instance, if you want a man who wants YOU, then withhold sex until you actually fall in love. If they walk away, get too pushy, guilt trip you, get pissy about it, well that's just how they'll be with all stresses in life when you're together! There are some ideas that sound crazy in this world of cheap, casual relationships, but they worked for our grandparents.

[incorrected]

I may be using the term "chad" wrongly. I assume it's young people internet speak for "player" or the older term, "fly-by knight".

[Lalalove11]

I'm looking for a life partner basically. A long term relationship, commitment, monogamy.
I won't settle for anything casual. My concern is it could turn into that. So I should withhold sex for now? That is what I'm thinking also.

[incorrected]

Realistically, almost zero men will make it through a two year courtship without sex unless they really value YOU, if they're just lying to get sex they'll walk away and that saves you time overall because you won't spend too long "figuring it out" in a relationship that was doomed to failure. You shouldn't have sex until you fall in love either way, but that assume you really know what love is and aren't confusing early relationship infatuations with love itself. If you want long term commitment and monogamy you're going to have to have the right mentality for it, and if you can't resist temptation and he can't, it ain't going to work because you don't have what it takes.

So, those words you used, they don't actually tell me ANYTHING, because almost everybody wants that on paper. Most people don't actually want a series of casual F-buddies with no commitment, so I learned nothing specific from that. You need to have some kind of realistic vision of what all of that means in practice; what is he bringing to the table and what will you be bringing to the table, in detail, because otherwise how will you communicate what you're hoping to build when it's just a list of vague buzzwords?

[laly520]

it's red flag
he is looking for other opportunities

[Lalalove11]

So I shouldn't bother meeting him again? He suggested it but.. I don't know