I (M- 24) have a friend (F-29) who I like as a great friend, but just that--Great Friend. I didn't want to pursue anything further and it felt like she did. Over the span of a year, I had gotten so close that I joke flirted with her several like I do with my guy friends (though I'm 100% straight). It seems like she caught feelings and started inviting me out to things but I didn't like her in that way. One night she invited me out and I was super tired because I just got done with 3 college engineering finals in 2 days having only 3 hours of sleep for 2 consecutive days before she spontaneously invited me out the night after my last exam. I got handsy this one night with like hand holding, longer hugs, and arm around the shoulder (but that was it). And she was super into it. I wasn't. Physically, yes I was there in it but, mentally, not really. It was all because I had no control over myself with the lack of sleep and apologized the day after (not really giving a good reason as to why I was apologizing). 3 months go by. I played dumb and tried not to notice her advances. I knew she was actually flirting after this but we never said anything, discussed about anything further, nor kissed. I talked to my best friend (M-25) about the situation and he said that I should pull her aside privately and tell her that I did not feel that way. Well, that had been 3 months ago. During that span, I would get ready to tell my friend, realize I was late for a meeting or get caught up talking to someone else and either she or I would leave without me realizing it. Well, I finally told her last week about the everything. How I was sorry because I tried multiple times seeing her in a romantic light be never really could, how I really cared about her as a friend, and how I was sorry about the whole situation. She was crying as I left and I asked my best friend to check up on her. The girl has been collecting her thoughts and telling me everything she doesn't like about me since.
2 mo
Am I in the wrong here? Was I leading her on? (I apologized nonetheless)?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Even though it was unintentional, I do feel like you led her on a bit, unfortunately.
Ay bro, I can see why that situation was messy all around. Seems like miscommunication and mixed signals from both sides led to hurt feelings. Props to you for finally being upfront with her though, even if it was way overdue.
From her perspective, I'm sure all those months of you not addressing what happened made it more confusing. And hooking up physically without talking about feelings first, easy to see how she caught deeper ones after that.
That said, you can't force yourself to like someone either, so leading her on longer woulda been worse. All you can do is own your part, which it sounds like you did by apologizing.
Give her space to process now. In time hopefully she'll understand you care about her as a friend, even if it wasn't romantic. Just learn from this - be clear with intentions early on to avoid mixed messages down the road, ya feel me?
Chin up bro, you'll both get through it. Just keep it real from here on out and you'll be ight!