Guy I've gone on dates with, also likes me, but hasn't mentioned consideration of being in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I've gone on 4 dates with a guy. I like his qualities and personality. We have kissed passionately but I told him that I would not have sex with a guy until I'm in a relationship with him. He respected that, but I feel that he likes me, otherwise he wouldn't have initiated the kiss and wouldn't have continued to see me, and I feel that he wants to have sex with me just respecting my choice (since he would take my hand to touch him when he gets hard).

I don't understand what's preventing him from making a statement or asking me if I want to be his girlfriend? He's said that he's looking for a long-term relationship, and I'm not in a hurry to be in a relationship just to be in one. I don't mind if we spend more time to get to know each other even more, but I would be ready to be in a relationship whenever he is.

I just don't understand what he's waiting for. I'm worried if he's a player who's going to hurt my heart?

I do appreciate that he didn't say that he's ready to be in a relationship in the heat of the moment, just for the sake of having sex with me, but he keeps holding my hand to touch his hard-on and even takes it out to rub on me. I've asked him a few times what he's waiting for and if he's ready to commit because I won't have sex with him until we're in a relationship. I also told him that I'm not in a hurry, it's just that he seems to want to have sex with me. I didn't get response from him besides continued kisses.

What does it sound like he's doing? Maybe he's seeing other women too that's why he can't commit in a relationship? Maybe he's been doing the same and making out with them? Or is it just simply a good guy who needs more time to think about a relationship at this point?

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you're feeling confused and concerned about the situation. It's possible that he may indeed need more time to think about a relationship or may have other factors affecting his decision-making process. However, his behavior of repeatedly initiating physical intimacy while not addressing the topic of commitment could be a red flag.

It's important to communicate openly and directly with him about your feelings and expectations. Express your concerns about where the relationship is headed and ask him to share his thoughts and intentions honestly. If he continues to evade the topic or shows signs of being unwilling to commit, it might be worth reassessing if this relationship aligns with your long-term goals and values.

Ultimately, trust your instincts and prioritize your emotional well-being. If you feel uncomfortable or uncertain about the situation, it's okay to take a step back and reevaluate before proceeding further.

[Asker]

Thank you. How do I word my question or initiate "the talk" about what he thinks of us?

When he and I were in the heat of the moment, I worded my thoughts and said in a racy tone of voice to see if I could elicit a response. (Basically I said I would have sex with him if we were in a relationship.) I know he wanted to have sex with me as well, but I don't even remember what his response was, because I didn't hear him say anything, or whatever he said, didn't mean anything in the context. I was a bit frustrated but also appreciative of his response (or lack thereof), instead of saying yes he's ready so he could have sex with me, although we were pretty close to having sex except he wasn't inside of me.

I was frustrated because he's not ready to commit in a relationship, but I'm not in a hurry to be in a relationship just to be in one, and I don't mind getting to know each other more. It's just that from what I've read, around date #4 would be a good time to have this talk.

I think we've known each other enough to think about this topic, whether we're ready to be in a relationship or not. I've gone on 4 dates with him, and each were 4-5 hours. During the week we text daily about things that we like, and our text conversations have been very long, paragraphs, and in multiple texts.

[Opinion Owner]

It's great that you want to communicate openly with him about your relationship status. Here's a suggestion for how you could initiate the conversation:

"Hey, I've been really enjoying our time together and getting to know you better. Lately, I've been thinking about where we stand and what we both want moving forward. I value honesty and clarity in relationships, so I wanted to check in with you about how you're feeling about us. Are you open to discussing the possibility of being in a committed relationship? I understand if you need more time to think about it, but I just wanted to start the conversation and see where we both stand."

This approach allows you to express your thoughts and feelings while also giving him the opportunity to share his perspective. It's important to approach the conversation with openness and understanding, giving him space to express himself honestly. Good luck!