I’m severely depressed and lonely so I really want a boyfriend but I’m too depressed to get one but it’s what would make be better. What should I do?

Question

I get waiting and getting better but i’m so miserable I just want someone to love. I cannot wait as long as it would take for me to get better. If I do date or get into a relationship I’d even randomly irresponsive, I’m busy, sad, and hallucinating half the time so I clearly couldn't. I just dont think I can wait though I'm so sad I can't even imagine how long it would take to get better and that makes me more lonely and sad.

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

Logically, what would make you better is to develop your own sense of self that you can stand on your own. That'll not only make you less miserable in the mean time, but more appealing to potential boyfriends, and a better partner when you DO get one.

So how do you do that? Spend a fortune in time and money on therapy? Well, that can help sometimes, but I'd suggest working (or ALSO working) from the other end: build from within. Sit down and ask yourself what kind of person you can truly respect and admire, and then move towards possessing those attributes yourself.

Now, those are long-term goals; if you're feeling depressed and isolated, they probably seem like something a world away. But a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Choose a book you like, a good long one, and record an audiobook of it. Don't know how? There's a free computer program called Audacity that's very simple to use (and again, free); grab that, plug in a microphone, and get reading. Don't have a microphone? Use the recording functions of your phone. Worried your voice sounds weird and awkward? Good- USE that. Don't delete the old recordings, but keep them- comparing them, later on, to newer and better ones will let you see how much you've progressed. As will- this is the biggie- seeing chapter after chapter finished, and realizing that you- yes, YOU- actually can take positive steps to improve your life.

This isn't some great secret tool that will magically make your problems go away, but a lot of the misery most people feel stems largely from their sense of powerlessness; of "there's nothing *I* can do about it, even if others can". And that's not only a powerful idea, but a popular one- many political leaders, social movements, and marketers WANT you to feel helpless, unable to make real change in the world, or even your little part of it. Reciting mantras or whatnot can make you think otherwise, but taking even a few steps can let you know that you're not totally powerless. Doing a few small things can give you the confidence to build to bigger ones.

Don't like the idea of recording? Okay- teach yourself sign language. The alphabet (in American sign language, at least) is twenty six one-handed signs you can practice while brushing your teeth, and will not only let you talk with deaf people (albeit quite slowly), it'll let you communicate in loud areas, or only to other specific people- it comes in handy WAY more often than you'd think. Or, instead, take a pencil and paper and draw up a map of every tree in your neighborhood. Get a planter, some soil, and a bag of seeds, and grow some radishes. Make a point of meeting all of your neighbors, and invite each of them to tea.

Whatever course of action you take, it's ultimately about building yourself up, rather than hoping to find some magical outsider to do it all for you. You'll also find life a lot more enjoyable, and, frankly, have more fun.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Your best option is to take care of yourself first. Most men aren’t going to want a girl who is like a rollercoaster. Sure he may make you happy for a period of time but your depression will always be there till you address it. Eventually he may get tired of it then leave you. So what could be a potentially long last relationship may be short lived because of your mental status. It should never be a man or a woman’s job to make their partner completely happy. Yes they bring an added happiness to your life but if you’re unhappy because you didn’t complete college, you dropped out of school or whatever the case may be, you’ll always be unhappy till you address it. That’s like women who say if they could have a child they’d be much happier w all their issues. Not going to happen. Fix your issues, learn to control your emotions about these issues then things will get better.

woothewoo · Accepted Answer

you can’t be happy with someone if you’re not happy with yourself. if you put your problems onto someone else that just creates issues for the other persons and more often then not they will end up leaving you. ik it sucks to feel lonely but being in a relationship will not solve your loneliness it will just make you more lonely.

Cody2004 · Answer

This is what you said to somebody giving you actual advice. If this is how you act I highly recommend you stay as far away from relationships as possible because you don't deserve to be in one. shame on you for saying that who was giving legit advice. Go to a doctor get a referral because you are just a horrible person. Quite frankly I don't give a shit about you after reading that. Anyone you're with if you act like that will cut you off immediately you will probably guilt trip them. See people like you so often and I hate people like you. you're disgusting

Drew-1990 · Answer

First off, you are not alone, I can get depressed at times and I am lonely for sure. And I'm way older than you. But you need to focus on getting yourself better before you focus on a guy. No guy or girl is going to fix your depression. Once you start feeling better with yourself, you'll find a good guy for you that will make you happy. I truly believe everybody can find somebody. It just takes more work for some.

Deepinthought345 · Answer

Being depressed should never be a reason to get a boyfriend. You're not thinking how your mental state could affect his decisions and his attitude towards you. If you're lonely find someone you can talk to. That person need not necessarily be a boyfriend.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Start by having a candid talk with your doctor. Some meds with a referral for talk therapy can do wonders. There are many treatments for depression and anxiety that are effective. Give it a shot!

Anonymous · Answer

By realizing that relationships are about 2 people, not just you. By realizing that meeting someone in this mindset, the only thing you'll do is feed your misery to them. Don't do that. Get right then seek a relationship.

jahaims · Answer

You shouldn't enter a relationship until you are happy being by yourself. A relationship isn't supposed to be a bandaid for life's issues.

tfan1 · Answer

Masturbate and that will help build up your self confidence 👍🙂

Luckycharms12 · Answer

I've being in your shoe's

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Go to a doctor

I’m severely depressed and lonely so I really want a boyfriend but I’m too depressed to get one but it’s what would make be better. What should I do?

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I am so lonely and can't find a boyfriend?

I’m severely depressed and lonely so I really want a boyfriend but I’m too depressed to get one but it’s what would make be better. What should I do?

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I am so lonely and can't find a boyfriend?

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