I want a boyfriend! Nothing ever works!

[Anonymous]

Maybe someone can help me out here. I'm a sweet, down to earth, attractive and educated girl who wants a boyfriend, but anytime I start dating a guy it never works out and I can't understand it! I'm 21 years old and most people I know are in relationships, and from what I see are always hitting it off the bat with the guys/girls them meet. I can EASILY get guys, but for some reason I can't keep them, and just as fast as they pop up there gone. The thing is, they ALL ALWAYS COME BACK! By then, I've moved on, but I'm sick of this always happening. All my friends that are guys think I'm a great girl and always pass those comments like "you should give me a try". But it seems like every guy I meet it never works out, and months later there back apologizing, saying how much they f***ed up with me. So what do you think is happening here! I'm so sick of this, it actually starts making me insecure and self-conscious, I just want one to work for a change! Any advice?

[moviedude714]

Well I am a 21 year old guy, still a virgin, always been single, never had a girlfriend in my entire life. Every girl that I have pursued, chased, been interested in, had a boyfriend already, other just were not interested. How do you think I feel? I hate being single right now because I have been single my whole life, because most people by the time they reach age 21, they are sexual and dating veterans, like most people before age 21, have had their first boyfriend/girlfriend already, and lost their virginity too.

Also why does the guy always or most of the time have to take the initiative and pursue and chase the girl? why does the guy have to make the first move and start a conversation, initiate flirting, and asking the girl out on a date? C'mon, a lot of guys even admit that they do not mind absolutely at all, a girl asking them out and making the first move. If a guy thinks you are desperate or a whore, slut, because you made the first move on him, and asked him out, then he is a guy not worth your time, it is his loss, not yours. I am being serious, even on this whole website and my friends in general, and guys I have talked to, they told me they would not mind at all if a girl took the initiative and asked the guy out on a date.

[moviedude714]

Seriously, I am sick and tired of it usually being up to the guy, I wish girls would make the first move, take the initiative and ask guys out more often.

[Asker]

I know that if I liked a guy I would def take the initative(I have a few times), but most guys beat me to the punch..but what confuses me are the ones who take the initative, pursue you, and after you start pursuing them, suddenly back off

[Asker]

I know I have been guilty of not showing enough interest, but that was only said by the guys who were"players" who are use to girls always chasing them..when I meet new guys I show interest but I don't "chase" anymore because I learned from personal experience and others, if you throw yourself at a guy, he suddenly isn't as into you as he was when you first met

[moviedude714]

Well if a guy is not into you if you throw yourself at him, that is his loss, not yours, then he is not worth your time. I even read a book published by a woman, it is called "Get a Life, Then Get a Man: A Single Woman's Guide", by Jennifer Bawden. She recommends that women stop being old-fashioned, and that they stop leaving it always up to the man to initiate things, such as conversation, and the first date. I wish more women were like her.

[moviedude714]

Eventhough we have an unfair double-standard in society, like it says that it is okay for men to sleep around but not okay for women. I totally disagree with that. If a woman approached me and initiated a conversation, asked me out, I will not think she is a slut or a whore, I would be flattered. If a guy thinks you are a slut or whore because you approached him and asked him out, then he is a jerk, he is a douchebag not worth your time.

[Ashley100]

It's funny cuz I have asked out many guys since 7th grade and all rejected me and I'm 20 now and no one wants to date me :(

[RcpMILES]

I know how that is I am also 21 years old and I have been told I am hot , cute but whenever I get to talking to a girl and going out they seem to end up all the same over before its gets started I am a virgin by chose tho and I think that's sometimes scares the girl away . ihave been told by friends and girl that I put to much on the table I am a RCP/CPT1/RN I own my own house car I think that also scares people away so think about it ave you been putting a lot out there maybe those guys don't think they are the right one for you meaning that maybe your great and they don't feel that they match up ... so I hope this helped and was readable lol

[Asker]

Thanks for your response! =) hmm that is a VERY intersting point..i never thought of it that way, maybe I do put to much on the table..ppl get intimaded but things very easily..but see how you said "they seem to end up all the same"...i wonder if that's what guys think of me? lol maybe I'm being put into that category as "same"

[RcpMILES]

No no I meant it ends up that way because of what I do and say so I look back at what I have done and learn from it as hard as it might sound every mistake you make in your life all ends up gone or forget when you meet the person you were meant to be with because it all lead you to that person :) well that's what I hope and is sticking to lol

[vmw2008]

Wow that sounds exactly like my life in a nutshell. All the guys who I've developed a friendship only relationship with are all dying to be in a romantic relationship with me. And I always have a guy in my life as well. Told I'm so attractive everywhere I go. But that I'm cool, down to earth and easy to get along with. Yet the guys go just as quick as they've come and are begging for a second chance within a couple months or less.

I don't get it either. it seems like all my friends get the first guy they talk to into a relationship so easily. Even though they would all say that I'm the one who gets all the guys. But for me, it's never like that. Maybe it's the type of guys we go for. I don't know. But I'm sure it's the same for you, I have guys constantly asking, "How are you not in a relationship?" It sucks. I would love for a guy to give good advice on this question.

[Asker]

Yes! Our situations are exactly the same! Everything you put I relate to..all my guy friends want romantic relationships with me, and I'm ALWAYS asked "how are you not in a relationship" by guys I meet, I don't get it at all! Your right it may very well be the type of guys were going for( people are always telling me that) I hope some guys see this and answer it so we can find out what's going on.. but I'm glad to no I'm not the only one that feels this way because all my freinds DEF dont!

[Anonymous]

I'm not gonna lie. I'm hot. I have naturally big boobs, and a very good figure.

I went three years without a boyfriend. Not by choice either. There were some guys I'd get with but it didn't workout.

Some guys just want specific things, and others are INTIMIDATED.

My boyfriend now said he wouldn't have tried to get with me unless I instigated it cause he wouldn't have ever beenable to talk to me, or try and get with me.

Try going for the more outgoing guys.

And make sure they're not for just sex.

Cause some guys just want sex and get out.

So if that's the case, maybe an outgoing guy isn't as good. Try for a less experienced guy, then they'll be glad to be with you and stay.

[BANGBANG05]

i'm in the exact same situation! I don't understand it! all my guy friends say "I'm surprised you don't have a boyfriend, you'd be a great girlfriend" but problem is I CAN'T KEEP A GUY ! I'm smart, funny, energetic everything...what should we do!?

[dario82]

My advice is that you take time to get to know the guy before hand and under no circumstances sleep with the guy right away. Have him earn it. There are some guys that are there for the initial hookup but once they figure they can have you, the just as soon lose interest and move on to the next. It's the excitement of the chase. Only when things don't work out on the other end do they come back for a second helping.

It'll happen when you least expect it. Don't worry about it :)

[Asker]

Yeah that's def a new rule in my book, no inital hookups!!!! I've NEVER slept with a guy right away, but everything else happened after a few dates with most of them. Its so hard to tell when to start progressing things after you meet someone new ya no, I don't want to be seen as "easy", but don't want to be seen as "prude"

[dario82]

Just let the guy know that you're interested in taking things slow. If he's a good guy likes you for you, he'll respect your decision and in most cases will be in it for the long run :)

[moviedude714]

Girls should pursue and take the initiative more often. Don't let the double-standard stop you.