How long do you wait before discussing sex with a date?

[piano]

I mean, how do you talk about sex in a new relationship? This is our 4th date but I couldn't even talk about sex yet.

[apartment]

Honestly, there's no one-size-fits-all answer here, as it heavily depends on the individuals involved, their comfort levels, and the nature of their relationship.

Some folks are super open and comfortable discussing sex early on, even as soon as the first or second date, especially if they feel a strong connection and are clear about their intentions. For them, sexuality is important in a relationship and they wanna know as earl as possible.

Then, there are those who prefer to take things slow, wanting to build an emotional connection and trust before bringing sex into the conversation. For these individuals, discussing sex might come after several dates or even after the relationship has become exclusive.

The key, really, is communication and reading the room. If the conversation naturally veers into topics of intimacy and both parties seem comfortable, it might be the right time. But if there's any hesitation or discomfort, it's perfectly okay to wait until both of you are more secure in your relationship.

Also, cultural, religious, and personal factors are important discussing that. What's important is when the conversation of this topic opens up respond it with respect.

A good rule of thumb? At the early phase of relationship focus on building a trustful connection. When both people feel understood and respected, discussing more intimate topics like sex becomes much easier and more natural.

[Mr_twoface]

I told one date after 3rd visit that we should do cosmopolitan questions about relationships to get to know each other on deeper level. She agreed and I picked a list which had sexual questions within. Once you begin, you can have own follow-up questions and if you are next to each other doing it, it can get steamy and juicy real fast.

We had a blast, not only did we end up sleeping together but we also learned so much more about each other, and what one liked or didn't like in the bedroom and how they see porn in general, how naughty they are etc. Questions I wouldn't generally be able to bring up on the first few dates.

[sawno]

I had my own version of that which was a spin on truth or date, but with only the truth where whoever didn't want to admit something would loose and have to do what you agreed upon. Every single time it was done it had the same outcome, the two would feel closer and if sexually compatible it would lead to more. It seemed like something that worked great, but it made things happen to quickly making things unexciting after that and burn out.

While in the relationship that was the biggest success the idea was put aside since it felt like a cheap imitation of the honesty we organically had. So I am much more of a fan of establishing these things are ok to talk about than to use lists and games, because its way more organic.

[Crimsyjo]

I like the idea of when you progress in your dates to a more intimate setting - such as the classic staying over to watch a movie - there's gonna be some expectation on her part that you are gonna make a move. I'd say go with the flow and if things lead to some kissing and touching, pull back and thrn just ask her if she is OK to continue. Or does she want to just kiss more and that's it. If it does end up being the latter and you just have some teasing fun then stop, now is a good time to "have the discussion". Ask her what her expectations are. And be clear that you will respect them whatever they are. Then just let her talk. You will know where you stand soon enough.

[Anonymous]

If you can't talk about it by the fourth date you're not going to have it. You know on the first date whether you're going to have it or not, even if you don't actually have it for awhile.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I never actually did that. It seems unromantic to me. I prefer to just kind of leave it to the spontaneity of the moment. Like maybe you two kiss, then while kissing, you might start to touch her body, then if she's fine with that, start removing her clothes, and so forth.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Also seems kind of like it might put pressure on her to have sex if she doesn't want to have sex. So I think easier and more gentlemanly is to just take things one step at a time. If you try to kiss her and she kisses you back, then try to place your hand on her waist, and if she's okay with that, start slowly and very carefully reaching towards her butt, and just keep going like that.

[itsclearlynicholas]

As a younger man here, I'd say for me, to counterpoint you, that for my age at least 29 or 29s, I'd say I'd rather have either agreed beforehand (aka dating apps or dating websites that allow profile questions, profile set ups and parameters to filter) out either chicks who want short term, long term or are just casuals. So I for one would also scrutinise a woman who's in agreement with what I may be looking for, aka if it's eventually a relationship or eventually sex in a relationship, then it's a few weeks of dating, it's a few months of dating... depends right,. 🥴😛😋

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@itsclearlynicholas I might be biased being from Japan. Like Japanese generally date with the prospect of marriage, although our culture lacks the concept of abstaining from sex before marriage. Sex is treated like a regular part of the process of bonding between a couple, yet it's implied typically that they're working towards something very serious and possibly even marriage in the long run.

I just kind of went with the flow of things.

[Nirmroth]

I mean if she brings it up herself its a safe bet. Meet girls who would talk about their kinks or stuff like this on date 1.

Otherwise I would just read her signs like is she coming across as very sexual person or more restained? If restained come up with the topic if she's already comfortable with you maybe even kissed/touching.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Or respectable dating websites / dating apps that some have features just like that, are you here for X or Y, are you seeking a tall person a short person, do you go gym, etc etc those dating cliches 😐 all part of the fun of online dating

[JacobJordan]

You don't. If you have to bring it up your feelings are wrong. It should happen naturally when you both feel it is right. That being said don't think I am saying you don't say anything at all. Let your partner know when you feel ready when it feels right to do so

[sawno]

I have no idea, girls feel free to share tips! Its always been my weakness to transition from platonic to sexual. In my last relationship it started on a sexual note so it bypassed the issue. Would love some feedback at what you are comfortable with.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Sometimes the dating apps (Bumble and similar) potentially solve this beforehand lol as part of the usual adult banter between mature adults. Lol. I for one would assume though that, if I wanted to date a woman, she'd and I'd before hand sort of know if the dating will eventually lead to a relationship that will lead to sex - short helpful answer: no sex on the first few dates. 👌🏻👀👍🏻🙂 That'd be my discussion, unspoken or not lol 😋😛😋😛😋

[itsclearlynicholas]

So all up, and if my woman ♀️ was in agreement: I'd probably sleep with my girlfriend by then on the, say, 7th date or the 10th date. Patience is bliss 😄 and a virtue they say. A virtue and underrated 😛😋 I've had to learn firsthand. Wait and wait and sometimes good things come. Sometimes good things come. Yes they come 🙂👍🏻

[mementomorii-]

If she feels comfortable, you can try talking about it



I think the time it takes to talk about this varies from person to person and from relationship to relationship.

[Fireguy17]

I just kind of knew when it was time.
There was never any set time like after 3 dates if she isn't putting out then I am gone.
It can ahppen on the first date, or after 10 dates or more.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Depends on what you're talking about. What are each other's kinks or when are you going to do it or what? Discussing sex is a pretty broad range

[NathanDavis]

this is something I do not pre-plan in advance

being genuine and in synch is best

[andreasderjuengere]

#1 I don't wait
#2 I don't discuss
and
#3 it happens when it happens
#3a sometimes it doesn't :D

[MemeSupreme]

that's not somethin you discuss lol they'll stop you if they don't wanna do it

[VV3ZZY123]

I would not talk about it at all and just go for the kiss

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it should be defined by the number of dates you’ve had. It would probably come up in conversation when the feeling and timing is right.

[sheikalana]

I cannot tell you a magic number but I'd take some time to have that conversation.

[Yannae]

I don't wait, I just let things happen. Let everything fall into place.

[JayBones]

Uf we hadn't already discussed sex I wouldn't be on a date with them.

[Twalli]

We discussed it in general terms on the second date

[itsclearlynicholas]

That's my man. Was it an awkward convo though if public eavesdroppers about two adults talking their sex lives openly over dinner? I hope the wait staff didn't hear 👂🏻 good for you sir 👍🏻🙂

[Twalli]

@itsclearlynicholas we were both virgins. I asked if she was waiting for marriage or not. I also asked if she wanted kids. That was about it. We were also at a roller rink, so it was more likely severely underage kids would hear. They wouldn't fully understand it based on their age.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Lol was this back in your college years or you two lovebirds were on a 20s singles date 🌹🌹

[Twalli]

@itsclearlynicholas I was 27, she was 32

[Anonymous]

By date four you should be making out pretty heavily and if footage of your date made it into a movie it should definitely be rated R.

[Pterodon]

At my age and the age I date it’s on the first date

[Anonymous]

Probably after 3 or 5 dates, it really depends how it’s going, if she is really into you then it comes up pretty early