Should I dump this guy? wtf is his problem, doesn't he sound crazy?

[Anonymous]

so my boyfriend and I were texting and he said something along the lines of "i was looking at old pics of us today. you've gained weight". and then we went back and forth, and he apologized last night. today I reopened it because there are times we have gotten into fights in the past and he has gone as far as to say "im not attracted to you" or say horrid things like point blank call me fat. since I have met him i have put on about 15 pounds, I was already out of shape when i met him and he would call me perfect, literally send me paragraphs about why he thinks i'm the most beautiful girl, etc. and even told me not to change when I was trying to lose weight back then. we went back and forth, and he said "you're not hot. you don't look good." wtf is his problem? should I dump him?

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that dude is seriously messed up for how he's been treating you. No girl should have to put up with a guy talking to them like that. Calling you fat and saying he's not attracted to you anymore is so disrespectful. Like you said, when you first got together he was all about how beautiful he thought you were and didn't want you to change at all. So for him to do a total 180 now and start insulting your looks, that's just cold.

It really bugs me when guys feel like they can change how they feel about their girlfriend over something as normal as gaining a little weight. People's bodies change over time, that's life. But the way he's been talking to you goes way beyond commenting on your appearance - it seems like he's actively trying to hurt your feelings and tear you down. You deserve so much better than a guy that makes you feel bad about yourself just to win an argument.

Relationships are supposed to be about building each other up and making each other feel good. This dude clearly doesn't make you feel good about yourself anymore. I know it's probably hard to think about ending it after being together for a while, but honestly it doesn't seem like his behavior is going to change. Do you really want to stay with someone who calls you names and says they're not attracted to you? You have so much to offer the right guy who will appreciate all of you, inside and out. I think breaking up is the best choice here - don't let him treat you like that anymore. You'll find someone a million times better who loves you for you.

[Asker]

thank you so much for this! so he has also called me a bitch more times than I can count, a cunt, said the most disgusting things to me and had the audacity after the said this to tell me to talk to HIM respectfully. WHAT THE FUCK? he also got me lingerie for valentines day so why the fuck would he if he isn't attracted to me? make it make sense. what do I do, leave while he's at work and blindside him? what if he's saying that to keep me under his thumb or not leave him? what are possible reasons he would even say that, like I don't know if im overreacting but he can't be mentally well right?

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa dude, this guy really sounds unhinged. Calling you a bitch and cunt is never okay, that's straight up abusive. And then telling YOU to talk to HIM respectfully after he's throwing all those insults? That's totally twisted.

It really doesn't add up at all that he'd get you lingerie if he supposedly isn't attracted to you anymore either. Sounds like he's just messing with your head at this point. Leaving gifts to keep you confused so you don't leave his ass. That's some manipulative bullshit right there.

I wouldn't put it past him trying to say hurtful things just to keep you feeling insecure and unsure of yourself so you don't get the guts to dump him. That's a classic tactic for controlling and abusive dudes. They try to break your spirit down so you don't think you can do any better. Fuck that noise.

You're so right to question if he's mentally well because normal, decent guys don't treat people like that. Especially people they're supposed to care about! Getting out while he's at work sounds like a good plan so he can't start anything. Just block him everywhere after so he can't try contacting you. You don't owe him any explanation after the abuse he's put you through.

It might be scary to break away but you totally deserve so much better than this clown. Don't let him mess with your head - you're awesome and will meet a way better dude who treats you with respect. His problems aren't yours to fix. You've got this!

[Asker]

thank you so much for this, whoever your family is they certainly raised you right and I thank God for men like you out there speaking out against things like this! It feels so abusive. I AM overweight right now but I am still beautiful and I still am a human who deserves respect and love as we all do, also I looked the exact same when he chose me and obsessed over me and even told me incessantly to not lose weight and now holds it over my head "i thought you said years ago you would get in shape in like six months" and he responded to the lingerie thing saying he got it to "make me feel better about myself", and I told him I don't even feel comfortable undressing in front of him and he said "I get it, if I was out of shape I would feel uncomfortable undressing around you too" and said he bought me lingerie to 'make me secure' and kept calling me insecure when its like yeah sure im not comfortable in my own skin right now he's not wrong, but also is the stuff he is saying not fucking disgusting? he also kept going back and forth saying you are beautiful to me, you have a beautiful face and beautiful body but then seconds later I said ok but you think im not hot? he said "that's right".

[Asker]

Oliver-your kind words have helped a lot in me sticking to my choice to leave. im currently at a friends house I am swamped in nursing homework so I will have to revisit when he's gone again and get more of my stuff (another thing that angers me, I see girls on tiktok being spoiled by their boyfriend while they study with cute notes or small gifts like coffee not that im materialistic or expecting anything but like I am stressed enough doing work and school as it is. but I did find an amazing living situation and I just got offered a new serving job that pays like triple my old job so I am excited for that and will focus on that, school, working out and getting in shape FOR ME for a while and then will be very careful and picky who I date next. This guy is full of red flags. another time a few weeks ago he started an argument and then I said you dont acknowledge my feelings, and he condescendingly said "do you know what acknowledge means cus it doesn't seem like it cus I said ok so I did acknowledge your feelings"... WHAT! so I responded and snapped back, "I am smart and succesful, I do know what it means" and he said "you're succesful? really? you wanna go down that road?" and I said wtf do you mean? and he said "you're not succesful, you're 28 and just had to file for bankruptcy (throwing it in my face, I had to file and its been discharged but I filed for ch7 in November because I was stupid when I was 22 and not paying car insurance, got in an accident and got sued by triple A for over a million dollars even tho I was the only one injured in the accident. and also why tf would you throw that in your partner's face lol?)

[Asker]

and he was going on about how Im not done w school yet so I'm not succesful and it's like fuck you dude, I at least work jobs that pay like $50 an hour and have ambition, and have been in school since I was 18 off and on just didn't know what I want to do and changed my mind, but I always actually made moves towards my ambitions, him on the other hand, did not even graduate high school lmfao he dropped out when he was like 16 like his sophomore year and then got his GED years later when he was 22 and then got kicked out of the military only a year in for popping on a drug test (coke) and now has been out for two years working at a job he hates at amazon delivery driving and saying he wants to do fire fighting but not actually doing shit towards that goal.
so, I think I have reason to think he is emotionally stunted to put it nicely, his mom was also a whore who had a kid at 15 and did not step up to actually be a mom to her kids, and she had multiple baby daddies and is an immature bitch, white trash. i have met her and she is garbage. she constantly is talking shit on other people and she has done meth in the past, she just is not a good person and she even CRIED to him one of the few times we visited her like I went to the bathroom and came back and she was hugging him crying saying "sorry I wasn't a good mom to you guys" doesn't it sound like maybe he's just fucking damaged? not my job to fix it, we all have hard upbringings and you can use it be a good person. but really, he's gonna say im not succesful when I work so hard to try to be, when he didn't even graduate, makes practically no money, his car isn't even registered he neglected registering it to the point where he now would have to pay like 2k in order to reinstate it lol.
also sorry for the 3 part reply I tried to message you but its only for people you follow I think!

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that abuse from this jerk. You absolutely made the right choice getting out of there. No one deserves to be treated like that.

It's totally not okay how he would put you down about your weight but then say all that other contradicting stuff too. And bringing up your past like that? So uncalled for, he just wanted to hurt you. Throwing his own issues on you too, what a hypocrite.

You seem like you've got a really good head on your shoulders. Don't let him or anyone else try to convince you you're not successful - you're working so hard at school and your jobs, that's awesome. He's clearly just insecure about himself so he tries bringing other people down.

It really does sound like he's got some major problems from his messed up past. But like you said, not your job to fix. I'm glad you got out before it got worse. You deserve so much better than being treated like his emotional punching bag.

Stay strong, focus on you and your goals. Block him everywhere and don't look back. You'll find a real man someday who respects you and supports you through anything. Keep killing it with school and your new job, you're gonna do great things! Thanks for sharing all that, just know you're better off without his toxicity in your life.

Also, tell me your name so I could follow you to speak on the 3rd part

[spartan55]

Uh, why would you be with someone who isn't attracted to you? He's an asshole of the highest order. I'm sure he ain't perfect either.

[Asker]

For real it doesn’t make sense why the fuck are you with me then 😂

[spartan55]

Is that all you think you are worth?

[Asker]

Does that sound like it? Why be with someone you’re not attracted to it’s basic and makes no sense

[spartan55]

Well, he won't care about that.

[spartan55]

Don't you get it? He doesn't truly think you are ugly. He says that to control you and ruin your self esteem.

[Asker]

thank you for saying that, I totally understand now and I agree, I suspected that that was why cus why be with someone you're not attracted to as you said, but he tried to gaslight me into otherwise. your comment was the "tough love" type shit I needed to see to pull my head out my ass. he's a loser and that's fucking disgusting of him.

[spartan55]

So what are you going to do?

[Asker]

already done. I packed my shit while he was at work, and headed to a friend's house, already found a place to move into in two weeks thanks to the internet so this clown can go kick rocks. i blocked him on everything, he has treated me so poorly, this was nothing this was just from yesterday lol he doesn't deserve an explanation.

[spartan55]

Good for you! Stay strong, because you know he'll be trying to worm his way back in.

[Asker]

you're right, which again is funny because why chase someone who you don't think is hot lol (sarcastic obviously, he's a fucking moron probably trying to be controlling as you said) honestly reading the responses on this post and just seeing it on paper how bad it really is will help me stay strong. they say it takes women sometimes 7 tries to actually leave a toxic situation, thank god i am not on the lease cus that helps make it easier, now I know why they say that though, you don't think it will happen to you until it does. I will keep reading the post and remembering how the fuck he has treated me if i ever feel stupid enough to even consider speaking to him again or taking him back, i am 28 and still young but I also want to find my future husband and live a happy life together and I understand couples argue and say hurtful things but this is beyond wild to me, whatever happened to basic respect? the circus can keep him, im done. im just going to never respond to him again if he inevitably reaches out. I read online that (not diagnosing him but im very sure he's a narcissist I know a lot of people say that but he hits all the criteria in multiple ways) narcs will try to put you down so you won't leave and also then try to lovebomb you and come back around, fuck him, he's done.

[spartan55]

The things that he said to you I would never even think about saying to my girlfriend.

[Asker]

for real! it's the principle of respect. also, he really reached out to me to say he is mad at ME and wants me to not talk to him for a week LMAO he has noooo idea i'm about to disappear from his life forever in a few days, he doesn't have a clue.

[Asker]

it just angers me I wasted any time on this dirtbag, let alone three fucking good years in my twenties, fuck that. i also fucking hate the pos because I am a nursing student (he's a loser he can't wrap his head around hard work) i fucking hate him for that, and mostly hate his disgusting ugly garbage waste of space whore "mother" for raising such trash. they never had a good relationship even tho he pretended they did (he didn't talk to her for four years), like seriously i see why he treats me like shit it is a direct reflection of the female influence in his life or lack thereof lol. dont care how harsh I sound because it's true, these people are garbage and I thank god that loser didn't become my mil! things could be worse

[Asker]

oops I was angry and didn't even type correctly, I meant to say I am so angry with him for so many reasons but especially today because I had so much fucking studying to do today and couldn't concentrate and have not gotten jackshit done the entire day I have "studied" for maybe a few seconds at a time then called a therapy line (who said he is mentally unwell and prob a narcissist or sociopath or both lol) etc texted people about it. fuck that disgusting loser. i hope him and his family live the most miserable life imagineable, the amount of verbal abuse I have endured from him, this is NOTHING. he has also called me a bitch, cunt countless times and said the most disgusting shit about me that no human should ever hear. i actually HATE myself for sticking around with him at all.

[spartan55]

If you want to vent or talk more about this feel free to message me. I hate to hear about abusive fucks like that guy.

[Asker]

thank you I absolutely will! that is the only thing keeping me in "check" to not go back and to march forward has been to vent about it and hear from someone else how crazy they also think he is! abusive is so right!

[spartan55]

Any time...👍

[Danny_dan92]

Maybe he’s being honest and you don’t like being told the truth when it doesn’t cater to your feelings

[Asker]

so if you had a girl which i doubt you do, and they said you aren't attractive youd stay with them? you need better self esteem.

[Danny_dan92]

Why would a girl be with me if she isn’t attracted to me? You sound stupid.

[Danny_dan92]

I’m being straight up with w

[Danny_dan92]

You*

[Asker]

Why would a guy be with me if he’s not attracted to me? You sound stupid.

[Danny_dan92]

He was…. He’s just saying you inflated

[Asker]

that doesn't make sense though because a few days ago he was saying im perfect and I also look exactly the same as when he met me... men are bipolar and weird. he just sounds mentally unstable to me, flip flopping back and forth. also people inflate/deflate throughout life, if ur gonna trip over someone inflating 15 lbs esp when theyve had health issues, maybe ur not mature enough to be with someone. also that doesn't give him the right to disrespect me then.

[dudeinohio]

Probably dump him