I ghosted after 1st date. Should I give it a chance?

[Anonymous]

We went to 1st date. I wasn't sure my feelings about him but he kissed me end of date. Kiss was good.

He texted after "How's dinner tomorrow?" I didn't respond him. He didn't text again either. Not sure if I should reach out to him?

[EmyyWolf]

If “YOU” 🫵 ghosted.

That looks terrible. That’s a terrible first impression. You’re done. You messed up.

That’s like if he called, and you didn’t pick up. Or like if he called, you picked up, he says hi. And you hang up on him without response.

INSANELY IMMATURE.

[bobalife]

Although everyone is shaming you on ghosting, but tbh who wouldn’t feel shitty if their date is having wondering eyes on day 1? Do what makes you comfortable. If you don’t wanna reply, don’t. If you wanna share your concern before another date, it’s okay too. If you wanna end it is fine too.

[Asker]

Should I let him go or talk to him? What should I say?

[bobalife]

Personally I wouldn’t bother with someone like that. But you do what you want.

[Asker]

You're right

[Flatmanlewis]

This is just indicative of a unbelievably self-centered worldview that “he text you, you ignored him, and he didn’t try again” is what you think ghosted is. That’s called a man with dignity and self-respect. He knows his worth and isn’t groveling at the feet of any woman.

[Asker]

I didn't reply him because he was looking at other girls on the date.

[Flatmanlewis]

Fair enough. You had a REASON for not replying to him but that underlying motivation is not relevant to the situation really. He simply knows you didn’t reply to him once and he decided he had enough self-respect to revive the message you were sending, which was: A/ I’m not interested, or B/ I don’t respect you enough to reply. Either way it’s a clear signal.

Did you really expect a guy to respond to being ignored? In fact, I wonder if the only reason you’re dwelling on it is because he didn’t send another text.

[Asker]

I had enough self-respect to not respond & go on 2nd date with a man who looks at other women.

[Flatmanlewis]

Okay then, so, because I think it’s a fair question then why even post the question?

Also, I’m not defending his actions since I don’t really know how rude or crass he was but I think it’s fair to say 99% of straight men will look at a pretty woman. Heck, a good chunk of women will too. A pretty girl is a fascinating thing. I’m not defending jerk behavior at all, but this is probably not something you’ll ever find to be non-existent.

I’m not talking about staring, or flirting, or making eye contact, but if a pretty girl walks past I think most people notice. Is this something you are uncomfortable with?

[Asker]

Girls aren't even 8/10 with great body, sexy or beautiful. Literally random girls group who vapes etc. I don't think they're better than me. He does it to my face. I almost think he does it on purpose.

[Flatmanlewis]

Wait, this guy is still in your social circle?

[Asker]

He was Bumble date. I only went to 1st date with him. I thought we were going to ghost each other. He kissed me suddenly/very passionately end of date and asked me out for 2nd date.

[Asker]

While we were on 1st date, He asked for 2nd date on the weekend. I said (I lied) I'll be out of town. He said When you go? I said Friday. (I lied to not see him again)

Then he said "Let's do Thursday" then. Then end of the date he kissed me. He texted Thursday for dinner, I didn't respond him.

[Asker]

I wasn't expecting that he can audacity to asked me out again. So. I was thinking if I should give it a shot...

[Flatmanlewis]

Yeah. Not to be mean, but you’ve introduced some pretty toxic behavior into this thing from the very start. It’s not really worth trying to unravel now. I’d say this thing is as dead as the tree was that my dinner table is made of.

[Asker]

Am I toxic or him? You mean?

[spartan55]

He asked you out, and you blew him off. Now you don't know if you should reach out? Your communication skills are beyond terrible.

[JacobJordan]

Honestly good on him for not wasting his time on you. You shouldn't text him. You shouldn't even date until you sort out your shitty personality defects

[Asker]

He is shitty, not me. He was looking at other women. That's why I didn't respond his 2nd date offer.

[HateyouxD]

You can reach out and explain why you ghosted and apologize but don't be surprised if he does it bacj

[HateyouxD]

Back*

[Asker]

He was looking at other women when I'm there. That's why I ghosted him.

[HateyouxD]

K good

[Haraklus]

... I mean, do you WANT to reach out to him? That's really the most relevant part. Of course, he would also have to want to date you again, as well, which isn't a guarantee after something like this.

[FreyaRed]

What did you expect when you didn't reply?

That he comes with New York Philharmonic orchestra and sings a love song for you on the street in front of your house door?

[JHAYES317]

Ghosting is cowardly…if you weren’t feeling it, you should have said “hey I’m not sure if I want to go on a second date”

[Chelsdope0]

Yeah but her date was rude

[JHAYES317]

@Chelsdope0 sure but no excuse to ghost unless she felt threatened

[Asker]

What I was supposed to say? It was first date (bumble date). It'd sound crazy if I'd say him "you're looking at other women
so I'm not gonna see you again" ?

[JHAYES317]

@asker just because like “hey, I felt like you weren’t interested, let’s see other people”

[Asker]

So, my question was: I liked him but it was disrespectful for me. So I wasn't sure if I should give it chance or not. Also he might be not even care or he wondering what happened. He also "suddenly" kissed me end of the night. I wasn't going to kiss him.

[JHAYES317]

@asker would you have preferred if he asked you if he could kiss you?

[Asker]

Yes. When you about to kiss, you get closer by time etc. you can feel like "kiss is coming".

It wasn't like that, I was walking to street, he was walking from my behind, he grabbed my arm, turned me then suddenly kiss me. So I didn't see the kiss was coming.

I think there were "spark" but he was little disrespectful

[JHAYES317]

@asker I dunno about that. I’ve ran into women who wish their partner would just spin them around and kiss them. It would only be disrespectful if A) he knew he had herpes and didn’t disclose that or B) he didn’t stop kissing you when you pulled away

[Chelsdope0]

So you’re saying protect his feelings when he evidently didn’t consciously think about hers? Sounds like male thinking…

What he did was wrong whether he knew it or not… he doesn’t deserve a second chance..

It’s no excuse for him to be looking at other women ON A FIRST DATE! Men are usually extra careful because they want to make sure they put their best foot forward.

[JHAYES317]

@Chelsdope0 but that’s unrealistic…women stare too. I think the only problem would be if they acted on it or consistently kept staring at the same girl’s breasts repeatedly. Also I didn’t say she should go on a second date, but she could have been upfront about not feeling it instead of just nothing

[Chelsdope0]

No because then she’ll come off as “insecure “ to him and that’s a NO NO.

Fuck him. Lol

She doesn’t owe him anything

[JHAYES317]

@Chelsdope0 how would she come across as insecure if she just said “hey I wasn’t feeling it”? If anything I’d assume a woman was more insecure if they were too afraid to be honest about why they didn’t want to continue things

[Chelsdope0]

I doubt he’ll ask but just in case he ask why … but she can always lie ig.

It’s just not necessary to say anything. Men do it all the time

If he really liked her he would be more discreet about it

[JHAYES317]

@Chelsdope0 people also pirate movies, commit tax fraud, cheat on their partner etc all the time. Just because something is common does mean you should do it…

[Chelsdope0]

And there’s consequences for ALL of those actions.

[JHAYES317]

@Chelsdope0 IF THEY GET CAUGHT yes

[Chelsdope0]

Well this bandit did get caught stealing glances. So he’s getting his punishment

[JHAYES317]

@Chelsdope0 seems like a pretty silly thing to ghost over still tbh

[Chelsdope0]

Omg you just don’t get it lol…..

I’m tired 😴

[JHAYES317]

@Chelsdope0 I do get it. But she still should have said something…he probably has no idea what he did wrong…men are not mind readers

[Chelsdope0]

You’re right. Dogs forget what they did wrong. Gotta remind them 🙄

[JHAYES317]

@Chelsdope0 I accidentally offend people all the time unintentionally. It is what it is

[Asker]

I WAS VERY FEELING IT. I think there were spark. He asked many questions about my family, my love language type etc.

I didn't say anything because I didn't wanna kill the vibe. Also I didn't give explanation to look "crazy" or "insecure"

I thought he's not that interested bc he checked out other women. I was thinking we'll ghost each other. But he ended up kissing me when we left restaurant. I think @chelsdope0 is right, I don't owe him anything, checking out women also red flag. If he's doing it from day 1, who knows he'll do 1 year after?

[JHAYES317]

@asker thinking we’ll just ghost each other isn’t a good mentality though…because ghosting is the most cowardly thing to do most of the time

[Asker]

So? What's your take for the rest of it?

[JHAYES317]

@asker my take is, I think he might just be a hypersexual person and just habitually looks at women without thinking about it…and maybe doesn’t read body language well hence the forced kiss.

[Asker]

My question was: Should I give it a chance?

[JHAYES317]

@asker after you ghosted him already? No. It’s gonna seem disingenuous

[Asker]

What should I say him? I don't wanna look insecure

[Asker]

What should I say to him? I don't wanna look insecure

[Asker]

Hello?

[Asker]

Hello? @jhayes317

[JHAYES317]

@asker don’t say anything. Just let him go

[Asker]

Why let him go? @jhayes317

[JHAYES317]

@asker because you ghosted him already

[rosemilk]

do you WANT to go out to dinner with him again? i mean, only you can answer this question. only reach back out if you want to see him again.

[The_Sexpert]

Ghosting is terrible
If you just can't have feelings for him then just tell him that.. it was the first date so not a big deal to politely end things

[LaurenM1997]

If you like him go on another date if you don’t like him tell him and don’t lead him on

[TommyMountainFigure]

Always go with your gut instinct.. If you felt something wrong, then keep to it!

[Booklover_90]

Not if you’re not sure about your feelings for him. Please don’t play with his emotions.

[Jay-_-]

Look if you didn't like it overall don't lead him on in any way and just look for someone else.

[strateguy632]

but kiss was good. if you available tell him.

[Chelsdope0]

What were some reasons you didn’t like him? Anything specific he did?

[Asker]

He paid everything very gentleman etc but I feel like he was looking at other women

[Chelsdope0]

Oh wow, I experienced something similar… my date was a gentleman too.. opened doors, brought our food to the table and threw everything in the trash ect… maybe I’m not used to “basic human “ treatment by men… but I like that he was also assertive…

But I did notice he had a bit of a wondering eye…

In the end he ghosted me…

But I’m glad you ghosted first instead of being clingy..

[Chelsdope0]

How old is he?

[Asker]

He's 35. I am 27.

[Chelsdope0]

Oh wow, same age as us too… hmmm 🤔 okay

[Chelsdope0]

Is he white or?

[Chelsdope0]

Usually guys that age know how to court… but men will be men… doesn’t mean he should be looking.. especially on the first date

[Asker]

He is white yes

[Chelsdope0]

Oh okay

It’s good that you punished that behavior but you should either let him know that’s unacceptable or find someone else…

But I say move on.. I’m glad you’re willing to walk away

[Asker]

Just found out he had a girlfriend whole time 😂

[Chelsdope0]

Bitchhhh 😭😭😭 mine probably did too!

How did you find out?

[Chelsdope0]

He did not want to tell me his real name… clue #1.

I think the dude I went on a date with was definitely hiding something… he also had no social media presence

[Asker]

He has social media. A girl I know also matched him, she said he had a girlfriend lost distance. I wasn't sure but I'm sure now

[Chelsdope0]

I truly think the same thing with the guy I was talking to… I think she was either a nurse or she lived further out

Either way.. he wasn’t the one.. he had no respect

But I’m curious to know how the girl found out he had a gf…

[Asker]

I stalked him too. He has a pic with a girl and same girl commented his pic on IG. She said her name so I'm sure now. His girlfriend lives in island. He sometimes visit her. I lowkey want to meet him again and play with him.

In our date he told me he wants kids and let's name our kids together 😂 He's a love bomber. Apparently he has issues. I was attracted to him though

[Chelsdope0]

Oh girl nah… if you are not about that life don’t play with him. Trust me

You’re now willingly making yourself the side chick

[Asker]

She lives in another city... Whose side chick... He's on bumble he says "he's looking for real meaning connection" while he has girlfriend. Obviously he doesn't love or respect her

[Chelsdope0]

If you go back to him. You are now his side chick… doesn’t matter if you’re “playing “….

Men are liars… why would you even want to continue to entertain him? Leave him where he’s at

[Asker]

When we were at restaurant, he said He's gonna go to ski... I joked and said "Do you have girlfriend there?" He replied "She must be very lonely because I go there once a year"

[Chelsdope0]

Okay? Lol you telling me this why?

All I can say is… this is your call lol

[Asker]

Lol. I'm saying it looks like she's just a placeholder for him if he commented like "she must be very lonely since I go there once a month"

[Anonymous]

Only a woman would consider this being ghosted.😆😆😆

[Asker]

What?

[Asker]

I didn't say I got ghosted

[Fuentes]

I woulda blocked u

[spartan55]

Damn right.

[Asker]

Why?

[spartan55]

For blowing me off

[sheikalana]

Reach out for what if you ghosted him?

[WhitneySnow]

Why did you ghost him?

[Asker]

He paid everything, very gentleman etc but I feel like he was looking at other women

[WhitneySnow]

You should have communicated with him about this. Ghosting is a bad idea, especially because it usually causes the other person to ghost you back.

[Asker]

It was first date. I didn't want to look jealous or crazy. But I think it was a red flag. But he was nice to me so I thought I can give it a shot?

[WhitneySnow]

Text him. Tell him why you didn’t answer. Also explain that he seems nice and you want to give it another shot. See what he says.

[laly520]

why didn't u respond..

[Asker]

He paid everything very gentleman etc but I feel like he was looking at other women

[laly520]

u need to tell him that or just let go n move on
instead of not responding then being confused whether u need to give him a chance or not
u gotta communicate with him well

[Asker]

You're right. If I meet him again, I'm gonna tell him.

[laly520]

good luck with it

[Anonymous]

Let him find a better communicator.

[Staximus]

Why did you not respond?

[Asker]

He paid everything very gentleman etc but I feel like he was looking at other women

[Staximus]

If he was looking at other women then that's disrespectful to you

[Asker]

Yes. How can I tell him? Without looking jealous or crazy