If a girl at age 28-29 still needs to figure herself out is that a problem?

[Anonymous]

[BCRanger10]

That depends.

First of all, she shouldn't be referring to herself as a "girl" at age 28 or 29. She's a grown woman.

Next, what is she figuring out and how? And most importantly, why? By that, I mean to what end? Hopefully, for marriage and family. That's ultimately what one needs to figure his or her self out for. And even then, there's only so much they can do by themselves. The real test of who a person is comes when they commit themselves to a-whole-nother person for life.

A man and a woman each have their own strengths and weaknesses, their own hurts and baggage, and their own successes and triumphs that they bring into marriage. What essentially happens is two universes become one, and not only that, but they together create another universe, another person.

The point I'm making here is that "figuring yourself out" really can't be done on your own, in a way, it shouldn't be anyway. You're joining your life to another and as a result, you're going to learn new things about yourself. You'll experience challenges, both as an individual and as a couple, each of which will challenge just how "figured out" you think you are. And ultimately, the only person for whom a woman should really be "figured out" is her husband, and a man for his wife. And those are the things that they will teach and learn from the other as they go through life and raise their children together.

And if not for marriage, then for what? For a career? Jobs come and go. Sooner or later, you'll have your last day at work at the last job you'll ever work. What will all that figuring out have amounted to then, beyond a pension and social security? For yourself? What fulfillment and meaning is there in that beyond your own satisfaction?

In short, the best way for a woman to "figure herself out" (yes, men too), is to get married, have children, and yes, go to church.

[Asker]

lol right I was referring to this one girl and you just basically answered my question she is 28 not ready for a relationship and doesn’t want any kids so I’m like what is she trying to figure out I guess career wise

[BCRanger10]

It gets to be wordy and convoluted after a certain point without referring directly to someone. Part of the curse of writing out novels like what I just did 😄

But yes, someone is basically just waiting to die if that's their outlook.

[BCRanger10]

Thank you for MHO 🙌

I'm probably going to incorporate this into a "graduation speech" MyTake I'm writing. Thank you!

[bobby_bush_eater]

I don't think that's inherently a problem.

The problem would lie in what steps or lack of steps you've already taken in your college years and immediately after. If you're just finally waking up as an adult and just started planning things, being more responsible, and trying new things that's a bit of a problem because it would show a lot of wasted time and probably opportunity in the past.

If you had been constantly doing new things, taking opportunities, working hard while being responsible etc. and you still don't know that's totally fine/normal

[SallyTho87]

Not at all! 29 to 35 is still quite young, many people during that timeframe even return to school if their primary career plans didn't work out, or they are not happy with where they are. I've met many students while I was at university, who were in their early to late 30s, and even 40s. Life is different for everyone, and you are NEVER behind. Take the time you need, focus on yourself, and grow as a person until you are comfortable with yourself, and your life.
Don't stress about it :) we are all just winging it, and trying our best. I'm 31 and I am still continuing my education by attending part time studies! I'm still figuring it out too. No worries!

[DishLady]

Girl… we’re all trying to figure ourselves out day-to-day at any age. Anyone telling you something else is lying.


Even the most confident and reassured person questions themselves from time to time. It’s healthy….


If you want, IM me and I’ll recommend a book.

[Account]

I have realized that we have to figure stuff out our entire lives. It never ends.

[Account]

I dont consider that a problem most of us are just winging it. Honestly we are taking ourselves too seriously with this limited time that we have.

[turnpost]

Life is like a treadmill of events, as long as the person is working towards there goal, in non viceful way moving about logically, and understanding that the time is being spent on such activities, then do it. (Hesitating and waiting is a waste of life. ) TLDR live your life and move on. Acknowledgement of ones state is important, because at least you know the person is not delusional about there actions. Willing to accept help and willing to experiment and move about rapidly is important.

((This is really vague, but I feel like I can relate to this post))

Ask what is it that she or he is needing to figure out?

[turnpost]

my tldr was longer than my explaination. lol F

[ProbablyClueless]

It is a problem, honestly. Life keeps ticking away; you never has as much time as you think you do. And it doesn't help that self reflection just isn't that difficult. Most people have lived enough life to have their bullshit figured out by 28.

[DrPepper12]

Depends on three questions. Number one, do you have a college or graduate degree? Number two, do you have a job or a career? Number three, why do you think you Still need to figure yourself out? Is it family, dating, friends, location, job, etc?

[Meropatrick]

Yes. Actually 28 /29 for human short life is 1/3 of average human life. My grandfather already was a dad, a skilled worker and a leader in his job by 24. everything was figured out in his life. Now society damages humans by saying awwwe at 24 u r still a baby its ok to live off ur parents at 24 with no real reason. This is BS in the past people already lived a full life and died at 28/29

[sage2021]

I was 37 when I took time away from dating anyone for a year.

During that time, I re-examined my life. Read tons of self help books and books with positive affirmations in them.

That really helped me.

[Caroline91]

That’s what the 20s decade is all about …figuring out who you are as an adult. It’s great that you are doing that. As a result, you’ll most likely have much better relationships and a happier life. You go, girl!

[dustybiker2]

I just heard a line in a movie. That you aren't even a person until thirty and then spend the next ten years trying to figure out what to do. They were told they were drunk. lol

[Apple1996]

That is normal. We are constantly changing with time so we are always trying to figure out who we are

[Fireguy17]

no not always.
She may have had helicopter parents, or very clingy or controlling parents that would just not let her go, so she has a great deal to learn.

[normalice]

It's fine but time is not infinite so she may want to get on that if she thinks it is important.

[Asker]

She don’t want no kids or family and not ready for relationship bc she came out from bad one

[normalice]

Understandable but she may want to sort out what she does value as her ability to learn how to obtain it will start dropping off rapidly

[Static_In_The_Attic]

We all get lost from time to time & until we figure ourselves or things out it could be a problem until you find a solution.

[ThatRandomBoy]

I don't think so mind you that's like what double my age but I was changed my mind on stuff all the time like my future

[Xia1994]

It’s can’t be a problem because you’re doing a good thing to figure yourself out that’s what I think.

[molonski2]

Its not a problem , I'm always trying to figure things out , it never stops.

[avery58]

Not as long as she's actively trying to mature and make smart decisions

[PBandJ_Nerd]

No. You learn about yourself & develop at any age.

[Dinklex3]

No, lol.

People are always growing/ changing.

[Kulotz]

nope. that's totally normal in our modern world

[sheikalana]

I don't see it as a problem but don't take whole five years to figure yourself out.