Are girls in their mid 30's really undatable?

[Anonymous]

I am single and 33 years old. No kids either. Due to bad luck and attracting the wrong type of guys.

Everything else in my life is fine. I am not over weight or anything (just putting that out there! LoL). Good job, family and friends but this one little thing is the one thing I can not get right.

I have had two serious past relationships before. But have not put myself out there that much. Have only had two dates in the last two and a half years since my last relationship. Guess I have got to put myself out there more.

I have been reading online that people are saying that it is harder for women to date in their mid 30's. Great.

I look young for my age and still get hit on by guys in their mid 20's. . LoL.

Could looking young play a part in this also? I guess it could go in my favor as well. If I play my cards right.

Just really surprised me reading about that with women single in their mid 30's!

What are other peoples thoughts on this?

[Meedo]

To be quite honest with you ,

''The following doesn't apply for your case probably'' , but I see this pattern in women and I see the consequences and it worries me. So I will , use this thread to just give some advice to women.

These days, women have a very strong sense of entitlement. But this entitlement sometimes project expectations that not necessarily is existent with men.

I have read threads on this site that women , don't want to settle down before they are 30. They feel they should party away their youth away and lay with many guys as they could. May be study and get a PHD or have a career and be super rich.

When they are finished with this, and they want to settle down .. and the biological clock start ticking.. they think that doing the above that they did will get them men .. the reality is that nothing of the above is a major attraction criteria in men's programmed biology. These are things you are doing for yourself. You will not need men in life. Congratulations. You have your own budget , money , you will travel the world and dress all the brands you want. Again, nothing of the above is an attraction criteria in men's programmed biology

We want you youthful, kind, feminine, fun, We want to feel you need us, to be your protector, provider. Call me old fashioned but this is what many men feel.

Yes we want you to be smart and educated,but we don't want you to waste year years away to be ultra smart and ultra educated.

Women advancement is great, but as everything in life, it comes at a price.. your expectations of men are getting higher and your dating pool are getting less. You have a Masters in Finance and you are a CPA.. you meet a construction worker in bar... hmm...

Super hot popular guys have many options and they can sleep with any woman they want any time... They don't need to commit to you.. their biological clock is not urgently ticking as a female one.

Now regular guys who wanted marriage and commitment probably tried to approach you in your twenties. But you didn't feel they met year standards. They were 25 and so were you .

Now they are 30.. you are 30... their dating pool still includes the twenties.. while the guys in their twenties they you are hot , they will commit even harder than the ones in their 30s.

Ok by the time you have read so far.. all radical feminists are down voting me... But it is not too late for women in their 30s to get the man of their dreams , just a bit harder work

1- Don't be needy, cynical , man hating .. this is a turn off for men.

2- Smile and be kind, but not let any man walk over you . We will respect you when you know your value.

3- Don't be too easy for sex.

4- Be ready to compromise a bit , you still have to be attracted though.

5- Hang around men , but don't feel desperate. If you don't feel desperate they will respect you and take you seriously.

6- Don't rush for a child with your first relationship over 30. Make sure he is stable and serious.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. Appreciate that.

[Meedo]

7- Put yourself around men .. forget about men in their 20s ... look for men in their 30s and and up.

8- Don't be bitter , this is a free market. Men don't owe you anything whatsoever.

9- Be fun, spontaneous, smile often .. show us your energetic character.

I feel with the right attitude you will get an awesome guy fast. Just because we look for youth often doesn't mean we won't appreciate a catch when we find one.. and in your 30s you still look youthful.

My sincere wishes,

[Asker]

Thanks I do have the right attitude which annoys me because of the kind if guys I attract. Next time won't be afraid of getting rid of those type faster. Wish I had with this latest guy. Makes me so angry at myself when I think back to that, that I had not done that sooner. Just really liked the guy. Guess I gotta harden up, not give in with sex so soon and not be afraid to loose them. Still don't get though if the sex was great and we got along really well why he would still end it like he did.

[Meedo]

Hi , if you try to analyse guys then you will end up being confused. Some guys are messed up. And I assure you that even as I said what I said above that you can be a great catch more than any other girl could be. Often , like ladies, guys have an idea of what their women should be only to be swept off their feet with a girl who is so charming and with her feet on the ground. That is why when I wrote the above I said '' The following doesn't apply to your case probably'' !

[Meedo]

I really don't think you should be that hard on yourself. We all have it different in life and the fact that you are actually thinking about it and taking decisions really means that you are on the way to something great. To be quite honest, if I meet a girl that I click with.. I will chase her and woo her . And you have the advantage of not being immature and silly. Even if the sex is great and you get along really well.. may be he is not that into you . I mean .. stop trying to analyse him!

[Meedo]

Men flake for as many reasons as women do . Many of them has nothing to do with the girl. It could be his own fear of commitment or insecurities.. ever thought about that ?

[Asker]

Oh I have been. Have been feeling pretty angry at myself for even letting it happen. Just kick myself sometimes when I think about it. Metaphorically. LoL. Yeah it could have been. I just keep thinking I was not that bad and he kept going on about how attracted to me and how much he enjoyed my company. Just did not know what more he could want. Not a mind reader. So yeah it most likely more on his side. Have thought about that also. Yeah gotta stop doing that.

[Asker]

Gotta stop doing that and move on and be more careful about things next time.

[Prof_Don]

Well said, dude

[bobair]

Obviously I'm not a woman in her mid 30's so I can't say if it's more difficult or not.

But I CAN say that I've met plenty of women who are a great catch at that age... and if you don't have kids yet that's even better!

I think saying something like "I attract the wrong types of guys" is a huge red flag.

If you're cute and attractive then you will attract all men, rich or poor, hot or not. There's no magically way to JUST attract the sweet honest attractive guys.

What it sounds like you're saying is that you CHOOSE the wrong types of guys. This might be because you don't know how to filter out the a**holes from the keepers... and that's a YOU problem, not a THEM problem. When YOU are confident and self secure you will have the proper boundaries to keep the creepers away... but if you have past unresolved issues which cause holes in your boundaries you'll unknowingly be more attracted to the wrong types of guys.

Secure women find secure men attractive, while insecure women will often unknowingly be attracted to men that are seeking women they can dominate or abuse or take advantage of.

Know what I mean?

If you're not meeting enough guys worth dating then it's either because your'e not trying, or because you're not being attractive.

Keep in mind that attraction isn't just about superficial appearances... it's less about how you look and more about who you're BEING.

If you're honest and sincere and sweet and fun and flirty and confident and "real" then you're going to do well with men of all ages.

But if you're withdrawn or needy or desperate or awkward or socially unbalanced then you're going to attract men with these same issues.

We really do tend to attract people who have our same issues.

So make sure you're always working on YOU, always healing past traumas, resolving past self doubts, and always moving your life forward towards your passions, and friends, and self interests. This will help you be the WHOLE woman men over 30 are looking for.

The fact that your'e on here asking the right questions makes it obvious that you're already trying to do all the right things, so keep it up. :)

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

[sashasmiles]

Great blog...and great advice.

[Asker]

I will and thanks for the advice appreciate it and take upon what you have said. :).

[Meedo]

Great advice. I second that .

[Anonymous]

Hi Sweetie,

Try not to focus on concepts as being undatable, that mentality will only bring you down.

People of all ages come on and off the dating market all the time.

There are lots of females who don't become married until their 30's. Also people who get in and out of relationships are still looking to find somebody.

People are clueless in their 20's anyways. Now you have the benefit of maturity and experience.

Happy Holidays hon

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=s4_4DOEvQ4E

[dsc2222]

I disagree. I have a good friend who is also 33. She gets asked out all the time, and by men all of ages. She is dating a guy younger than herself at the moment. heck, she dates more than me and I'm 19! It's not age that's holding you back. From what you'be written, what may be holding you back is1) your attitudes/thoughts about men and 2) you don't get out enough and meet new men. I wish you luck!

[Asker]

That is true I don't go out enough to meet men. I am a bit of a homebody also.Thanks. Looking to put myself out there more. Just gotta action that.

[Skepkim]

You're right I haven't seen women in their 30s have a harder getting dates at all. I think the difference is that usually women in that age bracket either are or perceived to be in a hurry to settle down so there's a marked difference in women at that age going for 2nd dates than women in their early 20s. This seems to be that early in the date a vibe of seriously getting to know each other emerges and a man who at the same age either isn't or is perceived to not be looking for an intense serious long term relationship may decide not to pursue that further.
Not sure but I think the asker might have been specifically talking about dating for the express purpose of getting to seriously know each other for a long term relationship if that is the case men's preferences are a hindrance since men usually gravitate towards women younger than themselves for everything from casual sex to marriage

[Anonymous]

Yes.

You're disgusting to men and even if you did happen to be a nice girl, they will love to take out how much they hated the chicks who wouldn't put out for them in high school and gave it to a guy they were attracted to instead.

[TheDigitalSaint]

I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Yes, it is harder for women in their 30's. Many men are worried that you're more interested in settling down with whatever decent offer is on the table instead of actually getting to know the man better. Also, men at your age can be a bit more picky, as most men prefer to date younger. Your standards have to be realistic.

Your best bet is to expand your social circle.

Join the following sites:

www.meetup.com

www.yelp.com

www.volunteermatch.org

You need to put yourself in new social situations constantly. Your odds are reduced compared to your 20's, but it isn't impossible to find love at your age, but you must be proactive. By your own words you sound rather passive about the whole thing, which hasn't led to results. You are responsible for your love life, not men. Get out there, spread the word your single and force yourself to get out of the house more. Also, get on online dating sites. You should be setting up dates frequently through that method in addition to meeting people in person and making more friends who can introduce you to even more men. It is all about odds and numbers at this point. You need to work with expanded options and that requires effort. Time to get to it.

[Asker]

Thanks. Oh already on Meet Up because I had moved to a new City and joined a couple of singles groups on there as well. Just gotta get motivated to go to those. LoL.

Not as fussed on the online dating side of things though but may give it a whirl.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Look, assuming marriage is your end-game, now is the time to slam the gas peddle to the floor. Online dating has shortcomings like any other form of dating, but taking a tool out of the tool box when you have a reduced timeframe compared to say your 25 year old self isn't a good strategy. Put that hammer back in the toolbox and use it.

[Asker]

Agree. It seems kind of unfair that women have a time frame if they want to have kids and the men can do whatever the bloody hell they want because they can reproduce whenever the hell they want. LoL.

Wonder how the game would be if the men had a time frame to have kids also.

I am not really in any hurry to have any. Still in two minds about it actually but would not mind having at least one. Just gotta see what happens with everything I guess.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Men that don't work on their careers in their 20's and become slack offs won't fare too well with girls later in life if they are broke. Women don't marry broke men, so a man doesn't have unlimited time to get his act together, just a little longer, but not unlimited.

[Skepkim]

Nature generally doesn't respect what people desire or their plans it just does what it does, if men are the ones who had a biological clock and everything else stayed the same their dating frustrations when they are young would extend to when they are old with no end in sight.

[Anonymous]

Well, it's going to be a lot harder just because so many people in your age group are already married, so a lot less possible guys to date, just by the math. Average age currently is what, 28 for guys, 26 for ladies?

And of those guys who are single... a lot of them are finding out the dating game is shifting to put them in power, if you believe reports.

Seriously, read what single guys in their 30's say about dating--and the overwhelming report is that it's gone from torture high school to tough college to easy pickings once you hit the 30's, assuming you're not a fat nerd who can't look people in the eyes. Which means that they will be in no hurry to commit or settle down.

And then the single guys in their 30's, the ones with good looks and decent careers--if they want to commit and start a family, they can and likely will date younger than themselves, more like 25-30 age range, if they can.

Sooo... yeah, single women in their 30's have it rougher. Basically, it's at an intersection where the balance of dating power shifts--girls hold it through high school and college, then lose that power to guys once 30 or so is hit, if you believe what tons of people write on dating blogs and such.

[martyfellow]

I'll be honest with you..those who are still single at that age have had such bad experiences with relationships that they are mostly undatable, yes. They'll never relate to guys in that scenario again, ever.

And guys their age often only look at younger women as well, which just makes them even more sour on guys their age! I don't blame them for feeling a little irritated by that!

It doesn't mean they're unreachable, but they'll have to meet a guy, usually much older, who just wants a woman's companionship and won't make any emotional, or, largely, any physical demands on them.

And they tend to be easily angered and often unforggiving as well. I'm not trying to voice criticism, just being realistic. It's due to their awfl experiences, most of which were only partly, if at all, their 'fault.'

[JMJ1983]

It definitely becomes harder to meet guys once a woman is 35 or so for any long term relationships.

Try not to have such high standards as well off men with financial stability will have better choices.

Good looking guys, by the time they reach 30 if they are still good looking chances are they didn't work all that hard.

[yopyopyop]

Mid-thirties women carry a "I WANT KIDS NOW" flag with them. Of course it's invisible, but most guys this age see it.

This might be the problem.

[Asker]

If guys were in the same position as us girls. Wonder if things would be any different... Seems pretty unfair in the dating game that situation for us.

[Skepkim]

Nature isn't about fairness, mate selection isn't about fairness it's an optimizing algorithm. The species behaves like a single system that works to always improve it's chances of survival and to that end it programs men and women to have certain preferences and behaviors. Everyone is trying to pick the best they can find men in their twenties don't have the traits that women find attractive in general and women in their thirties don't have the traits men find attractive in general.
It's not fair to anyone but women still have the majority of say on who they pick.

[sexyasianboi26]

Well, this experience of yours is similar to the women who decided to become a cougar! lol

Google and research about "Cougars and cubs" and it will give you hope.

I can't really say anything for situation part but "oh well your screwed".

[HisGraceLordCalculon]

Yeah, life is hell.