Should I keep trying?

[Anonymous]

This guy I'm interested in, and who is very interested in me, has concerns about dating.

I understand people have preferences, I have my own so I'm never mad about them. We both share similar morals and values, we both want a large family and to homeschool. Where we differ is that I want to be a stay at home mom (while still working, I'm a birth worker and I make decent money with the potential for more), he wants to be a lawyer. He said he hesitates to be with me because he is only interested in being with women that are very ambitious, but career wise. He wants to date a lawyer or a doctor that way if he dies his wife and kids will be fine, which I completely understand.

However, my work has the potential to make me hundreds of thousands a year through passive income (teaching, selling courses, etc.) and everyone has been calling me ambitious my entire life.

I don't know if I'm just not showing that side of me, which could be it, or if he just wants a very specific type of wife.

I'm leaning towards leaving our relationship as it is, friends, and if something happens then it happens.

Thoughts?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tricky situation. A few thoughts:

- It's good he's honest about his concerns instead of wasting your time. Shows self-awareness.

- However, I don't think you need to fit some narrow type of "ambitious career woman" to be a successful partner. Your work has potential too.

- Maybe give it more time so he can really see your ambition and skills in your field. Men can be kinda dense - he may come around.

- For now being friends isn't a bad option if he's still uncertain. Take pressure off but leave door open.

- Keep pursuing your goals confidently - attractive quality. If he changes his mind great, if not don't chase him.

- Trust your gut - if deep down you don't feel completely accepted as you are, might not be meant to be long run.

- But don't sell yourself short either. You have a lot to offer the right guy who sees your full potential.

Keep focusing on you - the rest may work itself out, or you may realize in time you want someone who believes in you wholeheartedly from the start. Either way, you'll be fine!

[TommyMountainFigure]

Should you keep trying? If you do after him insulting you like that, I think you'd be a fool to even consider it.

[Asker]

It wasn't an insult, he was very clear that he wasn't trying to be rude.

He said it all in a nicer way and made sure I wasn't hurt by it. I think he's just stuck, mentally speaking, because he wants a certain type of life

[TommyMountainFigure]

Apologies. I can only go by what I read in just a few paragraphs, and that doesn't always paint the whole picture.
What do YOU think you should do?

[Asker]

It's all good! I'm not the best at explaining things lol.

I really want to keep pursuing it, but I don't think it's wise. I've already gotten over my "dream man" phase. I'm ready to settle down and as long as the foundation is similar, I'm willing and ready to work on any issues. I just don't think he's there yet

[TommyMountainFigure]

Is he worth giving the time to wait and see if he ever will be?

[Asker]

I think so, but I know he doesn't want me to wait for him.

I'm not actively looking for anyone else, but I'd kick myself if I waited two years only for him to be with someone else

[TommyMountainFigure]

I know I'm asking you a lot of questions, but there isn't much I can advise you on, as you seem to be asking yourself the same questions. The problem is, whichever decision you make, you can end up regretting you made the wrong one.

[Asker]

That's true. I'm just at a loss, which is probably common

[TommyMountainFigure]

Unfortunately yes it is. I suppose in that position, I would set a limit. One day over that limit is one day too many. So, pick your cut off time to give him.. Then know when to cut your losses if he doesn't come through for you!

[Staximus]

Doctors and lawyers often have an elitist attitude like that. He's not a lawyer yet, so right now he's being an idiot