Whats the problem with dating apps?

[Anonymous]

keep finding guys on religious dating apps who either only want a situationship or they want me but then are like you're great, you'l find someone great. and im like why can't it be you in my head? feel like guys keep thinking they can find better and keep searching. What do you guys think.

[ohsheeT]

I think I have started to sign up for probably about five or six dating apps I get halfway through it and I never complete it I would rather just find a person normally like by accident by mistake I'll run into each other it feels like it's too pre-planned if it's a dating app

[slatyb]

How old are these guys? They are probably looking for someone younger. There are three single evangelical women for every two single evangelical men.

[Asker]

27/28 some even 30's and im 25

[DarkWinterNights]

Short of hooking up, nobody is having very much success with dating apps.

[BarryLiverstone]

Think you should stop using apps if you want to find a real relationship. Why are you on them?

[Asker]

because I live in middle of nowhere for school in order to find guys in my religion need to find it on an app

[BarryLiverstone]

But if you go to church or worship then you could find guys irl. Right?

[BarryLiverstone]

Also if you are getting feedback from guys that you are great and will find someone, that may mean you don’t look as attractive as they see with other girls on the apps. It’s a clear sign to focus on your health.

[Asker]

im attractive just i think im long distance for all of them

[BarryLiverstone]

In your head it can’t be them because of the distance

[Asker]

wdym?

[Asker]

i think the right guy would make long distance work. had 1 guy straight up say sorry im looking for a girl in my city even tho we were talking for a month. another guy 1 month and was like if we ever end up in the same city let me know etc.

[BarryLiverstone]

I mean if the guys you meet on an app are too far away, you can’t date them anyway

[BarryLiverstone]

And you have seen from at least two examples now that a guy would like to live near his girlfriend. Long distance will only ever work if it’s temporary and there is a plan to be closer

[Asker]

yes im in school rn so id move wherever that guy is

[Asker]

when im done next year

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s a better case to try longer distance. But would you want to visit the guy and try dates before school ends?

[Asker]

yesss i would and I dont mind doing stuff virtually. I. was talking to a guy for 5 months facetime for 4 hours every day and we met once. The most perfect date in my head. He broke up with me. That was in march and im still hurt by that

[BarryLiverstone]

That sucks , sorry. If you still feel hurt then best to take some time to heal right?

[BarryLiverstone]

Did he say why he broke up? He knew that you had only one more year of school

[Asker]

yess I am but im worried where am i going to find my man :( . He wanted to move to a certain city so I was ready to move there now im like where do i go. I told my parents about him and I told his name to them and how I was so happy. he said how can I trust you? Said I broke his trust. Said I'm too much of a positive person and he's going to bring me down and I said no why would you say that. And he said he likes different music and then he said that I dont understand his favorite movie and because of that he thinks we have different views on the world. He said that I interrupt him while speaking and he told me this once. So I changed that but he said I started doing it again. I said why did you not tell me I want you to feel heard. He said "I shouldn't have to ask you twice."
I wish I would've known and I would've changed that :( but he didn't care enough to wait and stay.
:( I only loved him. I said nothing bad about him. Just that how I would sometimes be sitting waiting in lingerie for him on facetime waiting for him and some days he wouldn't pick up and I'd be sad and felt stupid.

He went on and on about how could I forget you sucking my dick in the parking lot on our first date. I could never forget that etc and thanked me for helping him explore his sexual side. :( I think he never was serious about me and then when I brought him up to my parents he realized he needed to end it.

[BarryLiverstone]

You may be right. He was willing to talk to you and learn about you while things were more casual and fun. But when he found out you had talked about him to your parents he may have gotten scared or worried it was much more serious. One of the major challenges in ldrs is trust and because you and him had not spent lots of time irl together building that trust is much harder. Did he know that he was your boyfriend? Wonder why he felt you were too positive; as in did he feel you lied to him.

[Asker]

nooo just my personality is too positive and he is kinda debby downer personality in general. We weren't dating just talking and he told me that he wasn't talking to anyone else that I was the only one. We celebrated valentines day together. I felt like we were dating :( When we broke up i asked him so what were we? dating situationship? ANd i said we were a situationship weren't we? And he said is that what you're going to say to other people? He said that sounds so negative connotation etc :( but he didn't clarify ever so i guess that's what we were :(

[BarryLiverstone]

But having a positive attitude is a good thing to have. It means you are persistent and can see the bright side of life, even when it’s a struggle. Ok then ya, if you all never discussed a commitment then he didn’t feel like he had to be loyal to you and when you told your parents I can see why he felt like you broke his trust.

I’m guessing you leaned some lessons and will apply them to future relationships. You are anon so feel like I’ve answered your question best I could. Feel free to follow me if you had follow up questions or wanted a guys perspective. Dating is never easy right?

[Asker]

was it trust though? basically i felt like i had to tell them, they were trying to set me up with someone had this guy shown him my pics without my consent. and was like ur going to call him today. i was like what no im not. I didn't want to waste the other guys time too so i told my parents i was talking to someone else. i explained this to him and he kept saying how he doesn't get why i had to tell them

[Asker]

followed u

[BarryLiverstone]

Ty for following me

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes it was trust from his perspective