As a late bloomer where did I go wrong?

[JamieRobinson1994]

I’m 29 years old, never had a girlfriend, had my first kiss at 21, was a virgin until I was 26 where did I go wrong?

I never approached a girl before, I never asked out a girl before because I thought it’s like trying to hug a mountain lion. Girls never told me attractive, showed any interest in me what’s ever. They’d often see me but choose to ignore me and I used to rely online dating to pick up girls because I couldn’t talk to girls in real life and even on online dating I was invincible but when they see me messaging they’d either ignore my messages or reply in an unfriendly manner.

I often used my looks, my social anxiety as an excuse and I even regretfully used my ethnicity as an excuse. I avoid using them as excuse but there is looks and ethnicity bias.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, don't be so hard on yourself. A lot of us bloomed later than others, and that's okay.

From the sounds of it, you put a lot of pressure on yourself in the past. Approaching girls is intimidating! But some things I've learned:

- Don't rely on looks or blame factors you can't control. Focus on what you can change - confidence, interests, conversation skills.

- Start small. Practice saying hi to cashiers, holding doors, little things to feel comfortable chatting. Compliment girls genuinely.

- Try meeting people through shared activities rather than hitting on random girls. Join a club, sport, meetup.

- Online can be tough. Prioritize in-person over apps where looks dominate. Ask friends to set you up.

- Fake it til you make it. Act confident even if you don't feel it. We all get rejected, it's not personal.

You learned late - better late than never! Now go easy on yourself and put yourself out there. You'll get better with practice, promise. And don't be afraid to ask a girl out - she just might say yes, you never know!

[Billlewis]

Don't feel bad about your situation; instead, reinvent yourself and make pleasing the women in your life a top priority.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

It sounds like confidence is probably your issue. Whether it be your looks or your social game, you seem to have doubts about yourself. We aren't that scary and yes, you may be rejected at times, but you need to work on yourself a bit and build your confidence and work on just talking to women.

[JamieRobinson1994]

I did fall through the incel rabbit hole for many years and I didn’t get out of it until before covid since I changed my mindset in terms that I don’t blame women or society anymore but putting in the work and getting the results you want that part I still find difficult.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

And it can be difficult making changes to yourself. You already have a big start by getting out of the incel victim mentality.

I will just say there is no one set way to approaching women. We all want different things. Some women are not going to have any problem with your looks as long as you have a great personality and treat her right. Some women won't give you the chance because they are looking for a particular style or look. The thing is to keep trying and don't get discouraged from striking out. Keep up the confidence.

[Anonymous]

Another reminder on how I look at the game from a different mentality now