I fell in love and a r*pist ruined it?

[Anonymous]

Please no shame, I'm really distraught over this situation as is. I'm in love with this guy, I can't see myself being with anyone else. While I was friends with/somewhat "dating" him from 2020-2022, but not official, his friend who I didn't even know took advantage of me while I was intoxicated (possibly drugged by him) and ever since the guy I'm in love with hasn't been seeing me. It really seemed we had something very strong like I was meant to marry him. He is nothing like his friend at all and they are barely friends now. I really felt a deep connection for the first time with him like we are meant to be. I've been in love with him for 4 years now even though I haven't seen him in about a year or two. But this whole situation has completely ruined it. Should I confess and explain my side of the story or just try my best to accept it's over?

[sawno]

I do think you should be open and honest, his friend probably lied about shit.

[Asker]

There's not proof he did dr*g me, more of an assumption because I was barely awake when the r*pe happened. I did drink a lot more than normal because I was an alcoholic back then so maybe it was my fault but I still definitely was taken advantage of. The worst part that doesn't back my story is I asked the r*pist to bring me to get my car in the morning because I didn't have anyone else and he brought me home. I barely remember the r*pe (flashed in and out of consciousness) but know it happened. I feel like if I told the guy I love he wouldn't believe me due to still having the r*pist bring me to get my car

[Asker]

They were best friends for so many years, and the guy I love only knew me like 2 years. I feel like I'd end up just looking like a crazy girl...

[sawno]

Thing is he may have thought you weren't serious about him. So first of all let him know how much you want him, that can already change a lot. If he brings up that its because of this event you can explain what happened. If he doesn't believe you and doesn't want anything to do with you because he assumes you are lying its not the guy you want to build upon.

[Asker]

Essentially I was mad at the guy I love for leaving me with this rapist so I wasn't going to ask him to bring me to get my car and I didn't really remember what happened until the r*pist took me to my car and I saw him again

[Asker]

That is true, I'm not positive he knows about what happened so if I told him I'd essentially might make things worse for our relationship. But because he hasn't seen me since I can only assume he knows. He hasn't brought it up at all even though i saw him once afterwards and he used to text me still. I don't know how to randomly bring it up that his friend r*ped me

[sawno]

Most important thing for you to focus on is that he knows how much you care about him. Focus on that first, because you want to win over his heart. Perhaps he won't even care about how things happened and is just happy you are still in to him.

[Asker]

Well I asked him on a date a few weeks ago and he was really planning with me and seemed to want to go but then canceled the day before saying he didn't feel like leaving the house. I think something must be holding him back I don't know what more I can do to show him I'm interested. I'm sure he knows I am but I can't show him I care about him and love him without seeing him and he won't see me

[Asker]

What's holding him back has to be that he found out what happened (his friends side of the story). But i can't be sure

[Anonymous]

If your partner knows about the r**e and hasn't ripped the b*****ds skin off then he can hardly be called a man

[Asker]

Well he wasn't my partner yet, we had just started dating and if he knows about it he only knows his friends side of the story

[Asker]

I'm not sure if he knows about it or not but if he does his friend probably told him it was consensual. So i don't know if I should say anything about it

[Opinion Owner]

Tell him and hope he has the balls to do something, me and a couple of associates have crossed paths with rapists, I was the mild one because mine lived or at least would be happy to remain living, guess that's the difference between sisters and friends

I only threatened to fry his balls with a car battery but he pissed himself and I wasn't touching that so I just left him with the line of I hear his name and r**e again I'll be back to finish permanently, nothing in the decade since