Love gone wrong because of me?

[Anonymous]

Please no shame, I'm really distraught over this situation as is. I'm in love with this guy, I can't see myself being with anyone else. While I was friends with/somewhat "dating" him from 2020-2022, but not official, his friend who I didn't even know took advantage of me while I was intoxicated (possibly drugged by him not sure) and ever since the guy I'm in love with hasn't been seeing me. It really seemed we had something very strong like I was meant to marry him. He is nothing like his friend at all and they are barely friends now. I really felt a deep connection for the first time with him like we are meant to be. I've been in love with him for 4 years now even though I haven't seen him in about a year or two. But this whole situation has completely ruined it (I think). I'm unsure if he knows about it but if he does he only knows his friend's side of the story. Should I confess and explain my side of the story or just try my best to accept it's over?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ayy yo, that's definitely a messy situation. Here's what I think:

- That "friend" is a straight up predator - you did nothing wrong. That was all on him being a creep.

- The guy you like prob heard some twisted version from his "friend." Guys stick together sometimes even when one is in the wrong.

- If you really think y'all had a strong connection, it's worth one last try to explain your side. Be prepared though - he may not believe you.

- I'd tell him straight up what happened from your perspective. Say you never meant to come between him and his friend, you just want the truth to be known.

- Then give him space to process. Don't spam him after. Ball's in his court to decide if he hears you out.

- If he still doesn't come around, that sucksss but at least you took a stand for yourself instead of staying silent. You seem like a real one - you'll find someone who appreciates you fully.

Hope it works out sis but guard your heart either way. You did nothing wrong here - his call if he can see that. You got this!

[Asker]

Thank you so much, yeah I think I will. I'm just worried if he doesn't know about it if I'll make things worse. I mean if I ever ended up with him I'd have to tell him anyway because honesty is the only way in a relationship. Though he probably does because I don't know why he hasn't been seeing me. Is this something I should do in person or text? I've really been having trouble getting him to see me but he will only text. I feel it would be best in person but I don't think I'd be able to

[Oliverlogan263]

Y'know what, girl? I feel you - this is real heavy stuff to unpack. And doin' it over text when y'all are so distant already would prolly just make it harder.

But meetin' up in person after so long apart could also be super awkward and stressful. So here's what I'd suggest as a middle ground:

Ask to video chat with him. That way you can look him in the eyes, see his reactions, and hopefully have a more genuine heart-to-heart convo without all the weirdness of an IRL hang.

Start by sayin' you miss talkin' and wanna clear the air on some stuff from before. Let him know it's important he hears you out, but you don't wanna pressure him either. Offer to just chat and catch up a little first so it's not all heavy right away.

Then when you feel the vibe's right, explain your side calmly. But also make sure he knows you don't wanna put him on the spot or force any response - you just want him to understand where you're comin' from.

Even if doesn't change how he feels, I think you'll feel better gettin' it off your chest. And who knows, openin' up could help you reconnect too over time. Just take it one step at a time, feel him out, and do what feels right for you, 'kay sis? You've got this.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You won't find any 'shaming' from me over this, I think you've found yourself in an endless loop of hurt and suffering that I cannot even BEGIN to comprehend.

I have to ask you something before I can give you any advice regarding this situation, and that is.. Will his turning you away finally put your feelings and belief he can still be yours to bed, assuming he does, if you explained the above to him?

If the answer is yes, then you have to tell him what happened, tell him how much you have endured over these past 4 years, and if he sounds like he is going to reject you. cut in and tell him to take a few days to think about his answer rather than tell you flat out as you believe his friend spiked your drink, but your feelings and brutal anguish you've suffered all this time are very real.

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I think I will tell him. I just worry if he doesn't know about it it will make things worse. However, if I ended up in a relationship with him eventually I'd have to tell him regardless. I don't know how to execute this conversation well. It may seem I'm bashing his friend, he likely won't believe me. Also, he won't see me so it would likely need to be over text which is the worst way I believe

[Asker]

I asked him on a date 2 weeks ago which he agreed to and then canceled the day before because "he didn't feel like leaving the house". I'm very curious if he knew about this these 2 years and this is why he's been distant

[TommyMountainFigure]

Make another date with him and if he doesn't feel like leaving the house, go round there. Stand at the front door.. Don't go in. and tell him.. This isn't so much about him needing to know how you feel.. this is more about you needing to get this off of your chest. You have been carrying this around with you for 4 years.. 4 long and arduous years.
You may completely disagree with me, but if I was your Brother, father, or any sort of good friend to you, I would be telling you EXACTLY this:-
This is ruining your life.. You cannot keep putting yourself through all of this.. It must come to an end (whatever the result) Either you end up in a relationship with him, or he tells you he cannot be with you. IF he tells you 'not interested' you can add me to your list on here and I will be happy to spend time talking to you until you are strong enough to face the world again.. What do you say?