Did I mess up the relationship?

[Carmona2]

Ok, so I’ve been dating this guy for about a month now. It’s been great and he has taken me out to some fun places (bars, arcade, etc..). We even went to the gym together once. He pays for everything, even if I insisted to pay. He’s sweet and did things like cooking me breakfast in the morning, letting me sleep in while he went to work, kisses on the check/forehead, picking me up for our dates, sent me text like how’s ur day, good morning and good night, etc, teaching me to play a song on the piano (we both loved playing piano).

Then I noticed things started to go down hill one night we hung out. He got mad about something he was trying to do so we could watch a movie together, but we went to bed early that night, and insisted that his roommate drives him crazy and doesn’t like him living there. We can’t do anything when he is around. Anyway, he didn’t want to talk about it and we didn’t end up having sex or anything that night. I could tell he was upset. So from there we would still hang out, but he started to cancel on me a few times or made up excuses more when I wanted to hang out. He also text me less.

So my birthday just came around and he didn’t wish me a happy birthday, even when I reminded him and sent him a text. We also talked about doing something for my birthday. So I went out with a friend instead and he came up with an excuse about helping his mother with something. So the next morning I broke up with him and he was quick to agree to break up. I went to pick up my things. I shot him one last text explaining that I had a lot of fun with him and that I thought he disrespected me and my time, hoping that he would say something back, but didn’t.

I don’t understand because he was going to take me for a ride on his motorcycle and we had a lot of plans for the summer. I don’t understand what went wrong …. Did I mess up? I really miss him. We still follow each other on social media. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. I mean he screwed up in the beginning by giving you reason to have high expectations. That's why you NEVER go all out with a woman you're just getting started with. It leaves you nowhere to go in the future.
And you made the mistake of keeping sky high expectations from him. No guy can maintain that.
And you should have just grabbed your s*** and left. Your text that he disrespected you and wasted your time would've slammed the door on the relationship. I wouldn't take any woman back that talked to me that way.

[Carmona2]

I don’t expect anything. It goes both ways actually. I just want honesty and respect. I think it’s important to have a balance. Obviously I wouldn’t expect him to throw some big party, but just a simple text.

[Opinion Owner]

Your description says otherwise.

[DarkWinterNights]

Kinda sounds like things just fizzled out. I had a relationship end kind of like that. I don’t necessarily think either of you did anything wrong, just that it wasn’t meant to be. It sounds like he probably had a lot going on and was stressed. You might try reaching out to him if you really do like him, just be emotionally prepared to get shot down.

[Carmona2]

I want to maybe reach out to him in like a month if he doesn’t reach out to me, but I don’t know what to say

[DarkWinterNights]

@Carmona2, Something relatively short, simple and conveys your feelings without coming on too strong:

“I’m sorry how things ended between us. I was feeling frustrated that we were drifting apart & didn’t know to say. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I thought we were pretty good together and I really do like you. Do you think there is a possibility we could ever try again?”

[Carmona2]

Ok I think that’s perfect. Do you think I should wait a few weeks or say it in the next few days?

[DarkWinterNights]

I would probably wait a week if you’ve had sporadic texts back and forth.

[JoyGirl]

No, it wasn’t your fault. He was bailing out on you too much. Did you communicate how you felt to him?

[Carmona2]

No I haven’t.

[Anonymous]

He was just going through the motions. He also did things for you that you did not earn or demonstrate being worthy of. He also fell into the usual trap due to the pressures of society of paying for everything (when one pays they are saying your time is more valuable than their time). You say that you insisted, but so many women say the same while being happy to reap the benefits of inequality. What exactly was all of this for? what was the end game? Why did you have sex with someone you barely knew? Why did he cook for someone he barely knew?

The raw truth is the both of you had no end game, were just doing what you're expected to do. Where was the depth? where was the earning of trust and proving of worth? He could have been any guy, and you could have been any girl. This is the problem with a lot of relationships in this age... going through the motions... pleasure without purpose... and treatment without earning.

[Carmona2]

I actually completely agree with you. I wish more people could think like this. I want to learn to stop just going through the motions. I want to be more thoughtful of my actions.

[Opinion Owner]

If you get back together, the same will repeat. Society and media promotes this shallow connection and most people have no idea what they are missing out on. Imagine being with someone where you are ascending together and where sex has a much deeper meaning.

[Carmona2]

I love to have a relationship without social media. I think media and society ruins a lot of relationships unfortunately. There has to be a solution. I think we need to be more mindful to our actions and be aware of our surroundings.

[Opinion Owner]

Social media is still just a tool. Used 'correctly' it can be useful. I only use it to learn about health, exercise and to run a few ads for business.

The solution is in being present as discussed in the book 'The Power of Now' by Ekhart Tolle. I assume you have thoughts without any gaps that never end. Part of the solution lies in no longer having this as the default way of being.

[one1wild00]

Sounds like he may be bipolar or a bad day escladed

[Carmona2]

Maybe. Guys seem to great overwhelmed easily

[BarryLiverstone]

Probably not, what do you think you did to mess up?

[Carmona2]

I broke up with him, but I felt like I needed to because he was fading on me. I really miss him now.

[BarryLiverstone]

Do you miss him or the feeling of having someone desire you? If he can’t pay attention on your bday it makes sense to break up

[Carmona2]

Both. He was so fun to be with and he was nice and responsible. Do you think there is a chance that maybe he might text me one day and regret breaking up?

[BarryLiverstone]

Probably not. Even if he did what would happen?

[Carmona2]

Get back together? Sometimes I think things can work out. I mean it’s just a birthday and was so early in the relationship… I don't know

[BarryLiverstone]

How long ago did you break up?

[Carmona2]

On April 28th

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh then it makes sense you are still healing from the breakup. Happy birthday by the way. But I’d say take the next few weeks to recover and no need to reach out to him. If he wants you he can find you

[Carmona2]

Thank you! Being 23 is weird haha. Definitely going to be hitting the gym a lot for the next for weeks. I would like to reach out to him maybe in a month if I don’t hear from him. I just want to explain how I feel and how I think that we should take it slow