I messed up and I don't know how to fix this. Pls help?

[Anonymous]

I've messed up I think, big time. I'm in a new relationship but I've known him for four years, so we're quite close. But until a few months ago we've grown into something more. I (f) have mainly male friends. And that's all i think of them as. Now, my boyfriend has a bigger friend group than me, mainly males and including his friends girlfriends, which is completely fine and I've not yet met them as i am his new girlfriend (I know he's allowed to have whatever friends he wants by the way!)

Here's when I messed up and realise now. When I snap my friends, I snap a pic of me and my boyfriend. I thought it would be a way to show him that I'm his and I want to show him off if that makes sense. He didn't seem to mind. Recently he's been snapping this girl, who's one of his best friends girlfriends. Which I also didn't mind. But usually its whenever I'm on my phone. And it's almost like he makes sure i know he's snapping and talking to her. But he doesn't snap me with him like I do with him on mine

I spoken to my friends about this, some say he's almost getting back at me while others are even saying he's keeping his options open, which I don't really believe because that's his best friends girlfriend. I really don't want to sound hypocritical here. I know I've done wrong but I am worried he might start to like her. She's gorgeous and seems pretty cool. His brother asked if she was hot, and he was silent for a good 5 seconds before saying "no" in an unsure tone. I get he'll find other people attractive, thats natural. But its making me worried that im ruining something so beautiful that's just begun.

I'm staying over his this weekend and I'm going to stay off my phone and snap people way less. My girl friends think I should ask (nicely) how close they are, so it'll make him think about it

I hope I haven't made him upset or want to get back at me, I'll admit I'm quite jealous. Is there anything I could do to maybe make them talk to eachother less and fix what I've done?

[DaveJord]

You need to read this MyTake on the problem with people with lots of "Just Friends" hanging around. I mean here you are two people with lots of "Just Freinds" guys and gals in your lives. And you two have been, yourselves, "Just Friends" for how long?

So now your in a relationship and you feel like you have al these potential third wheel women freinds of his potentially riding shot gun in our relationship... and its getting in your head a little bit... hummmm?

But now you all have gone from being just freinds to boyfriend/girlfriend. So you kind were but weren't "Just Freinds" a long after all, and now you are thinking about what that potentially means for you, because he as all these other just friends in his live. And now your doubly twisted up because you are kind of doing the same thing that he has done.. and it making question things a little bit... because you both had this Friendship that is now more... and you insisted this whole time that your guy freinds where "Just Freinds" your whole life.

You need read this paragraph from my previous posted My Take. Because look at you, yes even you considered this guy as just a friend until you didn't and now your dating him. So why could some other women not do the same?

www.girlsaskguys.com/relationships/a69237-the-friend-zone-what-just-friends-means-to-a-man

So why does it mean when they claim to be or what to be "Just Friends?"

So guys with a lot of "Just Friends" that they clam are "Just Friends" in there lives are the type of guys with a lot hooks in the water. So as a women when you met this type of guy you have to ask yourself; why does he have so many women as friends and still available? What is it you don't know about him that possibly all these other women do and just want to be friends and not romantic with him? What makes him so likeable, but not dateable? Or is he a guy that is attracted to these women beyond his reach and is interested in you, until something better comes a long or one of his other prospective prospects pops up?

[HollyK21]

So for the fact that he doesn’t snap pictures of you guys to her, I don’t think that’s a big deal. You have your own style of communicating with your friends which is to show off your boyfriend and that’s perfectly fine. But if that’s not his thing then it’s just not, and you shouldn’t overthink it, whether it’s him sending things to her or posting you on his Snapchat in general. As for the fact that he’s speaking with her directly, I can see how that makes you feel insecure, but if that’s his friends girlfriend and not just some single best friend of his then I wouldn’t overthink it. He’s not hiding the fact that he talks to her and shouldn’t have to send pics of you two to her as to re-establish he’s taken. She knows, and he knows. So don’t feel threatened or jealous and let it go.

[Asker]

Thanks for replying, and I do agree. I am a little insecure and you're right. The only thing is that usually, when he snaps his male friends he snaps me with him. I just find it a little odd that he doesn't when he's talking to her. But apart from that I agree. I probrably am looking into it a bit too much.

[HollyK21]

I was under the impression he just wasn’t sending snaps with you to his friends in general, so I assumed it’s just not his style which wouldn’t be a big deal. But for him to not do that specifically with her definitely changes my point of view to seeing it as a bit sus. Since you’re going to be with him over the weekend, you should address it and be straightforward. Ask why he never sends snaps of you two to her but he does with all his other friends. I personally still want to believe it’s harmless since she not only has a boyfriend but it’s his friend. However, people are shady every day and I don’t put anything past anyone.

[Changiis07]

You need to set boundaries that's what you need to do, because it will affect your relationship in the long run. It's fine having friends but it sounds like they are hanging out together. So unless you make something clear or communicate, it does sound like he is keeping his options open. You have already started thinking about it which means it will bother you. So communicate

[Asker]

Thank you for replying, and I completely agree. I know he isn't hanging around with her. Unless he's around her boyfriend then that's the only time he might be around her. I do need to bring it up, I just don't know how without starting an argument or being hypocritical

[Changiis07]

Communicate affectively. You can always search up some videos on youtube on how to bring it up. You should be able to talk and have those very awkward conversations with your boyfriend. If he starts to argue or doesn't care then maybe he isn't for you. You as well as him should be able to talk to each other about things that bother the both of you otherwise you will be holding back and it will lead to resentment or small fights/arguments. So talk to him about how you feel and if he is mature enough should respect what you're feeling and give you reassurance don't settle