Why are people against dating a co worker but fine with doing so with a random person online or someone they randomly met outside?

Question

TheSpaceGnome · Accepted Answer

I'm not against dating a co-worker.

I don't have any co-workers atm, but when I get married I want her to co-head a business with me, which is still a form of being a co-worker. So thats the ideal situation, not a taboo.

However if I wasn't working from home, the odds of any of my co-workers being a perfect match is basically zero.

In fact there probably won't even be any women at most of the jobs I'd choose, just because of how few women would want most of those jobs.

And even in a regular boring job, where women are everywhere, its still going to be very unlikely that I meet a match unless I do package delivery or something, at that would be a random customer I befriend, not a co-worker.

So while I'd find it convenient if a perfect match were at my workplace, its just not going to happen, its like "fairy tale"/"wishful thinking" territory from my point of view.

I'm not dating a stranger, she would need to be a best friend for a few years first. Which is a problem, as I work from home, and my hobbies are all ar home stuff, so I have zero exposure to meeting new people offline.

Online dating in thoery allows for a solution to this problem, and speeds up finding a best friend to eventually marry for even people who aren't shut-ins like me (by finding someone we have everything in common with).

But in practice... most women refuse to write any of their hobbies and interests in their profiles, and its infuriating! :c

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

1. My reaction is based on experience, as I have dated a few co-workers when I was younger, and I have also been an employer.

2. Co-workers who are dating have the potential for injecting much drama into the workplace and that is almost universally disapproved by employers. When the couple are doing well, they have the potential for showing strong favoritism for each other and also for using work time to further their romantic endeavors. When things start falling apart, one will often tell stories to co-workers to try to align the co-workers against the other member of the couple. If often leads to at least one of the two being terminated or quitting their job to get away from the other. SOMETIMES, it works out without such drama, but often it does not.

3. I have dated women who I met online but NONE of them were "random" women. I read their profiles carefully, weeding out the obvious mismatches. I exchanged DMs with them, then had a few phone calls before our first face-to-face meeting. Most of those meetings did not result in a second date as I often discerned signs of deal breakers.

4. I have also dated women I met through friends and family and, again, I had a vetting process so that I was not dating a "random stranger."

5. It sounds like you are angry about the disapproval of dating a co-worker. Is there a story here that you haven't shared with us?

Crimsyjo · Accepted Answer

Risks of dating a co-worker: it could go bad, they could tell everyone your private business and its going to make going to work uncomfortable. Pros are... you get to see and know that person before choosing to date. You probably feel an attraction and a spark. So you have a good foundation and better chance it won't go south. I met my first real boyfriend at work who became my husband. We lasted 12 years and was the best suited and longest relationship I've had.

Cons of meeting a stranger: you don't really know their background. Everything they tell you could be a lie. You can't speak to other people that know them to find out what they are like. You don't know if you are compatible or even have a spark until you have already invested time in them. The pros are it's exciting, there may not be anyone in your circles that you would date so this opens up possibilities. You have the fun of discovering new things about eachother. There is no past history judgement and you can both go into it new clean plate.

ShellyB · Accepted Answer

b/c if something goes wrong, you can’t get away from them w/o quitting your job. Or, if it’s going great you might make other people uncomfortable, or if one of you is higher rank than the other one it might be unfair, also in that situation people might wonder if the one with the lower rank is doing it to advance at work. A lot of reasons actually, but having said that, it is also natural and I think it is fine as long as you are aware of the pitfalls and risks and you approach it the right way. JMO!

AviatorTom · Answer

Most companies have fules against dating co-workers, since it can lead to conflicts of interest or work performance, especially if one partner is the supervisor of the other.

CalmUntilAbused · Answer

Being a man, I'm just going to go to any lengths necessary to avoid any power abuse charges. I'd never agree to become a female coworker's superior, I'd never stay alone with a female coworker in the same open space, and if it were only the two of us in the whole office, I'd leave for home. If possible, I'd communicate with a female coworker through a trusted third party, preferably a female superior. Also, dating anyone else from work than a junior coworker is impossible for me due to either being considered inferior (in the case of attempting to date a female superior) or just a bland background guy (in case of attempting to date an equal coworker). Simple as that.

Ridiculous as it might sound, dating random women is much less risky, as it at least does not include the threat of power abuse charges (even if it's still a risky thing to do, given that any woman could sue me for sexual harassment or attempted rape if I as much as attempted to talk to her). Basically, I could only date a woman I could trust, and I couldn't date a (n) (implicitly junior) coworker due to the risk of power abuse from jealous male coworkers, even if the female coworker I'd attempt to date was trustworthy enough herself.

sheikalana · Answer

There are a few factors to me as to why you should not date a co-worker. I'll list a few below.

You're at work to work a be professional not to flirt with your co-workers. Separating your professional life from your personal life is important.

Let's say you're dating your co-worker and you guys are mad at each other. Is not always going to be easy to separate things and emotions might get in the way when you're both at work and that's extremely unprofessional.

Another example, you both move in together and one or both lose their job. How are bills going to be paid? Imagine this happening and you guys have kids to feed. No bueno.

You dated each other and broke up but still have to see each other everyday because you work together. How toxic is that? Will you be able to perform your best at work while having to deal with all that? Probably not.

With that being said dating a co-worker is a big NO for me.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Mixing your job/career & relationships can be very messy for obvious reasons. If you break up, it will impact your work life as you’ll still have to see that person at work, and depending on how you broke up, it could bring conflict into your job - which is unnecessary drama for your other coworkers and your boss. That’s one issue with it. There are other reasons too.

silvermoon84 · Answer

I’m not necessarily against dating coworkers. I don’t think I would actually do it though. Suppose it doesn’t work out, then things can get really messy if you’re both in the same department. Even if you’re in different departments though, it’s still not fun if you break up and still have to see that person every day. I’d rather just avoid the drama.

Miristheiss · Answer

Dating co-workers can lead to problems. If things end then it can make things awkward at work.

Work is to earn an income and to provide yourself the things you need in life. All it takes is one pissed off ex to start making false claims to HR to get you fired.

It is wise to avoid dating co-workers.

RetroReviews · Answer

Because if it don't work out then you got to still work with them and depending on how sour the breakup was that could create some awkwardness at work so that's why I would not recommend it and I'm speaking from personal experience. I dated a girl I worked with it didn't work out it was a hurtful breakup Not only was it awkward but then I would have to see her new boyfriend come visit her on her break so that was like salt in the wound

Phoenix98 · Answer

1# Because it can distract you from your work and make you fall behind.

2# If things go bad well you have to see her every single day for as long as your working at that job so things could get awkward.

3# If things don't work out the woman could go to HR and make up some BS and get your fired or worse.

4# It's just not a viable risk.

bolverk · Answer

Most companies have rules against dating co-workers for a reason, if both parties are solid workers any romantic entanglement will affect them at work, especially when/if they break up, it will dump a load of drama into the workplace.

There is an old adage while coarse is very apt "You don't shit where you eat!" .

Justneedtokno · Answer

Office romances are two personal and you see them every day if it doesn’t work out, they know your business they may hold it against you is not a good luck. You may have to switch jobs. They may later on cause harassment with HR. A lot of things could go wrong.

Anonymous · Answer

Because if things go south in this in office romance you still have to see them on a daily basis. Especially if you’re working directly them. You think they would still maintain some professionalism but sadly some people can’t. Then if she notices or he notices she’s dating someone else in the office it could create some waves. Not good for the business.

electromagnetic · Answer

Conflict of interest at work. If y’all don’t work out, you still gotta see that person at work. A random person online means, you can block and move on.

Paul09 · Answer

Drama is the main. And who wants to see someone 24\7 ? Sounds overwhelming. There's a couple at my work, there always together. It's like they can't do anything without each other. 1 of them doesn't come to work, both are not coming to work. Creates too many issues.

Twalli · Answer

You have to deal with several dynamics regarding coworkers that aren't there in other situations.
1) Neither of you can be elevated above the other one to avoid romantic relationships alter their decisions
2) If you have an argument, work doesn't give you a chance to cool down because you still see each other the entire day
3) Both dating and breaking up can affect your work while you're both there
My girlfriend has two coworkers who are dating and their work is suffering from it.

Loner111 · Answer

Because that's how u pay your bills, support your family and etc.

If and when things go sideways between you two, it will be uncomfortable to the point where one of u have to leave.

I don't agree with it, but that's the society we live in. I'm sure in other countries it's different.

avery58 · Answer

Because if things go south at least they don't have to see them each day at work or work with them on a project. It would be way less awkward and easier to move on.

jshm2 · Answer

Because that rando usually isn't going to do shit, when you do the walk of shame. Whereas that co-worker can play merry hell with your paycheck.

Never fuck around with people you work with, or who prepare your food. It never ends well.

Radiate143 · Answer

Because they Don't have to face the consequences of their behavior if I doesn't work out. I pretty much only want to deal with strangers for this reason.

Simslover92 · Answer

Because you don't shit where you eat. Dating a co worker can turn ugly when you break up and still have to see that person everyday.

Fireguy17 · Answer

with a co-worker if it doesn't work out you still have to see them at work, and sometimes it doesn't end well. Someone on the outside you will probably never see again if it doesn't work out.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Because of how messy things can get if the relationship sours. Do you really want to need to see the person you just broke up with at your place of work?

HaleyWalker · Answer

It's probably because you don't have to see the random person everyday for the rest of your life working at that place

Marred0710 · Answer

Because if it doesn't work out it wld be really awkward at work not to mention all the other issues that could come from it

Nikki1989 · Answer

Finding a good career is very hard for most people, but you can find a relationship with very little effort at all.

Sasquach · Answer

people need space in a relationship. The office vibe gets bad when the couple is fighting. You may feel obligated to take their side over an issue that could result in a firing. There are too many reasons

Anonymous · Answer

All i did was say i dont want a coworkers number and he’s been passive aggressive ever since. Imagine if we dated and broke up and still had to see eachother at work.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s because it could be distracting to have your partner at work or if things end up badly in a bad breakup you have to continue to see them and work with them everyday or get a new job.

RingOfFire · Answer

There's an old saying that addresses this question very clearly:  "Don't get your tomatoes will you get your potatoes."

nawtee_me · Answer

Because if it doesn’t work out it can be messy for the work environment. It is not like either can just stop being around one another at work unless they quit and go somewhere else.

exitseven · Answer

If it went sideways it would be awkward. Some employers do not allow it

noohair · Answer

My father gave me advice when I was young. He told me to keep my personal life separate and away from work. I believe that is was excellent advice.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Dating a coworker can become a huge problem  for the company and other employees   after a breakup or during a spat.

jahaims · Answer

If the relationship goes bad it can make your work experience hell. A lot of companies don't allow for co workers to date and can be fired as well

genericname85 · Answer

because it's difficult to get away from a coworker without quitting the job.

DrPepper12 · Answer

CO workers are GREAT until they're not. It's dangerous and never advisable to shit where you eat.

msc545 · Answer

Because you have to see co-workers whenevr you are at work whether you want to or not, and you would still have to see the matter the breakup.

CaitlinSims25 · Answer

jobs has rules aganist them for dating or being relationship. can get very much full of drama. similar like how some school might has banned best friends and relationships

gorydetails · Answer

You don't understand that you'd have to see the person if it goes south on a regular basis?

Blueeyes81 · Answer

To avoid drama that affects making a living.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Because if they break up they still have to see each at work.

OddBeMe · Answer

I think people are just saying be careful as that’s your employment.

ApplePie409 · Answer

Getting fired?

RavVid · Answer

Since MeTo it has been problematical.

mayurr · Answer

None at the workplace is our family.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Are you stupid?

Why are people against dating a co worker but fine with doing so with a random person online or someone they randomly met outside?

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Why are people against dating a co worker but fine with doing so with a random person online or someone they randomly met outside?

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