Am I being too much by telling my LDR boyfriend that I don't want to have sex on the first date?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR for 1.5 years and we're finally meeting irl. He asked me whether we would get physical, I said no because I really don't like the idea of having sex on the first date. He then said that if we've been in an LDR for more than a year what's the problem. It's not that I don't trust him, but I don't think it's an issue to set boundaries with people. He then asked me on which date will I be comfortable enough to have sex, to which I replied there's really no timeline for this stuff. He got upset and said that he's desperate to have sex with me and even asked me if I'm not attracted to him. I simply said that I'm just setting boundaries I'm comfortable with, but he thinks that I don't trust him or that I'm not attracted to him, even saying that I'm probably afraid he'll leave me after sex. Am I wrong for it?

[Med_guy1978]

I think you are definitely in the right and stand your ground. Obviously you are thinking more serious and want this to last and if he really wants you and respects you and your stance he should wait. If he wants sex as a priority he should find it elsewhere as different girls have different boundaries and I respect that but you have set yours and he should respect them. He is obviously used to getting things on demand and has no consideration for people's feelings by demanding this. What happened to chivalry and the gentleman? He will respect you more if he waits, gets to know you, feels for you and you feel he really likes you. If he is not prepared to do this then he only wants to relieve himself.

[teamvic]

Mmm no I don't think you're wronngg I mean it's what you're comfortable with and he's gonna have to accept it

BUT at the same time. Don't be surprised if the dude leaves yo ass or cheats ma'am 🤔

A relationship with no sex is just a best friend.

I get both sides and I'm not saying you should give in. Especially if you don't want to but the dude does kinda have a point, y'all been together for a YEAR plus.

But as I said. If those are your boundaries. Dudes just gonna have to get over it

[DizzyDesii]

Damn i can do ldr but I don't know if i could've done it a year+ before seeing one another. Maybe 3 months then meeting. Anyways, i also wouldn't have wanted to do it first date either. How long until y'all would have a date 2? If the 2nd date would be within 3 months of the first, thats not the worst but if you expect him to wait another year he may end the shit or worse, cheat

[Twalli]

That's why I don't even see us as dating before meeting face to face.

[DizzyDesii]

@Twalli well i do but not as official yet

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

I said the same thing when my LDR planned to visit me. We just intended for a coffee date, but something different happened. 😳😂

Anyways, it is alright to not rush. You should also observe if he's trustworthy irl and if you have chemistry. It will all flow from there. Good luck! ❤

[AviatorTom]

It's okay to set boundaries but if you've known each other for a year and a half, this isn't really your first date... it's your first physical meeting. You don't have to have sex, but something physical... kissing for example... would normally be part of your first meeting.

[Truthatanycost]

The fact that his main focus is only on sex, as opposed to simply getting to know you more in person is a huge red flag. There is a general desperation here. Take heed of this red flag and don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy many often use as a reason to continue and ignore such a red flag.

[D_Bone_Steak]

It's been 1.5 years... if he isn't sleeping with other women then he is 100% desperate for pussy.

I mean think about it 🤔

Wouldn't him not being generally desperate for some vadge after 1.5 years be a red flag in and of itself?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Never even met IRL? Checking age... yup. There are so many of you on this site, and I feel sorry for all of you.

You two fuck other people, or does life just suck that much? If not fucking other people, how are you not horny af?

I'd think a woman in your situation would be desperate to shove a veiny hard cock inside them. You gay or bi or something?

[DishLady]

in my opinion you're right. You've only scene eo online and there's no guarantee you'll have the same chemistry in person.

If he thinks that way and you're feeling pressured to have sex then don't meet up with him. Simple. (FYI, He def sounds like he's trying to pressure you...)

[DishLady]

*seen — sorry for the typos!!!

[SotiCoto]

I'm so glad I got all this Long Distance Relationship shit out of my system before I even hit my 20s. And all that "first date" nonsense is such an American cultural ritual. In practice "getting physical" is something that happens when it happens... not something that is planned out in advance. You're both just causing strife by trying to plan the damned thing.

[Emanon25]

If he thinks that way and what’s in his mind is to have physical contact with you, he’s not a guy that you can trust, since he got mad for refusing his offer now, what would you do in the future if you both live together and sometimes you don’t feel giving him what he wants.

[Alex-Snow]

It is your body and your choice. Did you have sex talk with him when you were in the LDR? Any Facetime or video sex chat? If so that might have lead him on. I would meet with him irl first that way you two can really talk and see each others body language. Maybe instead of sex on the first date just get comfortable with each others bodies like kissing, lots of touching,...,, maybe a handjob (that might get him to chill and guys love them)... How old are you two?

[ICanSmellTheCosmos]

I'd wait until you've been around him in person for a couple of months before hopping into the sack. People can be very different online vs. live.

Just make it clear that you *will* reward him for his patience, otherwise he'll feel like you've just been stringing him along and using him for attention / company.

[Morgan_L]

Seems totally reasonable 😊 talking with someone on the phone or text is great but take time what’s the rush. Besides see what happens if you feel pressured to do something it will ruin what should be a beautiful moment ❤️

[Fireguy17]

no, not at all.
That way he will know that will not be happening.
It can kind of be an awkward moment if you don't know.
Does she expect me to, or at least make a move, if I don't will she be upset that I didn't try?

[MicahRaine]

You're not at all wrong for it. That makes total sense. There's a lot to be said for building the bond that you can only have through time spent physically near each other.

[CrabCakes11]

That’s reasonable. Having boundaries is a good thing

[thisAppIsGarbage]

Absolutely not. You are protecting yourself and him from the perils of fornication. You are mature and frankly if he is worthy he will understand and appreciate your stance

[Loner111]

Tell him to go home, jerk off and go to sleep so he calm down.

[RedInnocent69]

Not at all. It would be obscene for him to expect that. Do you already sext or cyber with him?

[Staximus]

That's not your boyfriend, he's just some guy you talk to on the phone

[MacDaddyRico]

No. That is your prerogative, and he should respect that.

[MatureMan40]

No, if you don't want, he should respect you!

[spartan55]

Why would he stick around if you won't put out?

[whistlingwh0res]

Tell him you only want sex after marriage