No sex on first date, is it a dealbreaker?

[Anonymous]

This to women... I went out on 10 dates and a few complained why no sex and all of them ghosted.

Yes

No

[btbc92]

And now you see why women like that always end up with guys like that who doesn't treat them with respect or love. They are used to men treating them like that on the first day. Now when they get somebody who's at least a bit decent now they can't appreciate it. Like a few have already had said, that's what they personally want. So because you didn't give them what they wanted, they left you. Has nothing to do with you. Has everything to do with the kind of people you interact with. That's why you don't have sex before you were married in the first place. You're now seeing why also. Is really messed up, sickening, and crazy this is exactly what people are doing.

[Sarah696]

LoL nice guy alert

[natured]

It would be a dealbreaker if HE expected sex on our first date... He would never see me again if he suggested that...
So Yes to me it's a dealbreaker.

[Sweepthelegjonny]

I like that you said that. One of the first dates I was on, it was clear (eventually) that she wanted to bang. I don't know if it was cuz I felt it was too easy. Or maybe cuz I couldn’t help but think how low her self esteem was? Either way it was a turn off.

[natured]

@Sweepthelegjonny I respect you for considering dating as something serious. Many other men would jump right in bed with her. So yes you are right they must have a very low self esteem, it's sad though, when people have so much potential in general.

[Sweepthelegjonny]

Thanks! And I agree

[Explorer91]

Not everyone is dating to find a partner, some people are just wanting sex and just call it dating. So not necessarily low self esteem. A lot of the time people aren’t looking for a partner. Dating can just be a nice way and less vulgar way of saying casual sex for some people.

[natured]

@Explorer91 Sure I agree with you, but it happens many times that you SPECIFY that you are not into casual sex, and they say "ME NEITHER" yet they try to convince you to go and sleep with them on the first date. Happened many times... So as long as two people agree and respect each others thoughts it's fine.

[Inexpensivefurniture]

So first of all, let me say I'm not judging or disrespecting to anyone who has sex on a first date. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, I don't care what you do.

I'm just not a sex on the first date kinda guy. I'm not even a sex on the fourth or fifth date kinda guy. I really need to know someone before I'm willing to be that intimate. So if I went on a first date with someone and at the end of it they were upset we didn't have sex, we might not be that compatible

[Sarah696]

Sounds like you're a sex on no date kindda guy, virgin 🙂

[Inexpensivefurniture]

@Sarah696 Sex isn't that important to me, and I've made the mistake of rushing to have it sooner than I was actually comfortable with. I've since learned that I enjoy it more when I feel confortable and familiar with my partner before we become physical

[Sarah696]

Pussy

[Inexpensivefurniture]

@Sarah696 Alright

[boombastik]

Women like sex and want to fuck just as bad but the thing is, they put up a front and act like they are offended or my favorite, "I don't have sex on the first date." Whatever the excuse, if you don't] follow her body language and give up she will be offended and likely never have anything to do with you even though she is the one resisting and fighting your advances. What it men were like that lol?

[AmandaYVR]

So what percentage of them wanted just straight-up hookup?
This is interesting (a bit horrifying.)

[yofuknutz]

Yeah tell me about it.

[HiveBee]

What is horrifying about people hooking up?

[AmandaYVR]

@HiveBee That's a philosophical discussion and I'm not going to get into it. I'm not into arguing these things.
But I'll put it to you this way - if people are going on dates just for sex, and when they don't get it, they stop all communication with the person, even when the person reaches out, then they are using that person (the fact that it is for sex is pretty much beside the point, as far as I'm concerned.)

[HiveBee]

So its not the sex. Its the method they use to get sex they want. By lying and manipulating, saying they want a wife and dumping after she puts out.

That is different from two people who are honest, tell the truth, and hook up mutually.

[AmandaYVR]

@HiveBee Well basically yes. But we have no idea the details of this particular situation; like how they 'marketed' themselves (if on dating apps.) Might be false advertising. Guys certainly do that a lot. They want to get a foot in the door.

[AmandaYVR]

And another big issue today is this decision many people make, not to bother communicating. It's becoming more and more common for people to just not respond, because they don't feel like it, or it makes them feel awkward.

[HiveBee]

Very very true. Most people are afraid to be honest.

I was talking to a guy at work, 21 year old young guy. I told him i am honest with women. If i like a girl and i only want to have sex with her. And i want to hook up, than i tell her the truth.

His response was "yea but then you're an asshole and she hates you."

Thats the belief around honesty. That it makes you an asshole lol. People are afraid to be honest. They manipulate because its the only option.

They couldnt be honest if they tried lol.

[HiveBee]

But in my experience, women LOVE honesty. They never get mad. I even made friends and had girls try to hook me up with their cute friends.

It pays well to be honest rather than sneaky and manipulative.

[AmandaYVR]

@HiveBee Yeah I don't agree with the guy who said that to you. I don't think the girls would "hate" you. On some level, they probably feel complimented that you wanted them in that way.

I do disagree on that "they couldn't be honest if they tried" though. Everyone can be honest. They just don't think it's advantageous, and morality's not their top priority. Getting what they want, or protecting their image is.

[AmandaYVR]

Good for you. More people should be like that.

[HiveBee]

For me it was very hard to be honest lol. It was never about morality or any of that.

Its a social skill. Specifically a sexual social skill.

The reason its hard is as the guy said. She will hate you.

Thats not the truth but that is what i believed as well. It was VERY hard to be honest at first. I was terrified of being hated.

Not every man is a bad person. Not everyone is an evil manipulator. Even if what they are doing is exactly that.

But, at the same time, most guys who are "players" really are consciously and purposefuly manipulative. They know what they want and how yo get it.

Most men simply are not on that level lol. Most of us aren't players.

[InventorofWarp]

Welcome to dating in the 21st century. When I first started seriously dating (at 21) I got hit with a massive dose of reality to my sheltered, innocent view of things as akin to a romantic comedy or chick flick with me in the role of hapless, hopelessly romantic hero akin to Ted from HIMYM. Quickly got smacked with the reality stick as women proceeded to ghost me, attempt to use me as a ham with a dick and other times just flat-out use me. Luckily I'm waiting for the right girl and my pants are hard to get into. Plus I was so new to things I literally didn't understand flirting. Still kind of clueless. I was a dorky, ugly nerd who got told he wasn't good looking before I muscled up and got tattoos and changed, I'm not used to flirting.
I had one girl I actually liked and dated for a few months (also didn't have sex with her) actually leave me because she eventually found out I was a virgin and tbh I was a little afraid and nervous so things fizzled out.
At 24, I find myself getting less concerned about ending up alone and more concerned with developing new friendships or further developing existing ones with women that I enjoy spending time with platonically. If things leap forward great, if not, I'm learning to take pride in my work and purpose and enjoy just having someone to talk to instead. Though one woman in particular does have my eye.

[AmandaYVR]

@InventorofWarp You sound a bit shy but very sensible. 👌

[InventorofWarp]

Probably both right.
I'd rather be shy than cocky.

[victoriaxoxo]

For me I would respect your decision but ask you why you don’t want to have sex. I don’t have hard rules on when sex should happen and I tend to gauge it depending on how well we get on. Sometimes it’s a date, sometimes a few, sometimes a few dozen and sometimes never. I don’t really understand people who think waiting 2/3 days will make a huge difference and make the person stay with you. I will wait those 2/3 days and have sex with you and still leave you if that’s what I feel like doing…

[Billyscotter]

A lot of times, women who throw pussy at guys immediately, end up feeling empty and used, and don’t feel valued by men. And they’re often not the prettiest, most exciting/interesting women.

Just focus on attracting prettier, higher quality women.

[K-I-S-S]

It's a validation thing for most women, you wanting sex from them, even if they themselves don't want it.

Women want to be wanted.
If a guy shows he is in control of that situation and woman can't leverage sex anymore. She will feel like her sexual market value has dropped. And she doesn't like that, so she might seek validation fron elsewhere.

There are good women too, who have no problem with it, and actually happy to keep sex for later.

[najekim]

The first date is normally to see if you both want to try for a second date. The second date is a "get to know you" date. The third date is, some of the time, the "are we comfortable enough for sex" date. Then somewhere down the line is the "is he worth having sex with" date for her. Then it may, or may not, happen.

[kristine_o]

honestly, if you're looking for a serious relationship, you should have told your date what you're looking for. Same thing for your date. They should have told you what they're looking for in a relationship.

[hahahmm]

If you're looking for serious avoid the ones who are pushing for sex on the first date or ghosting you because they didn't get it. Not your problem. There's women who don't want to have every penis they see.

[bobalife]

Definitely not a deal breaker. It’s just those type of women that you chose to invest time and emotions to date. Most women who actually want genuine relationships wouldn’t think that way and would prefer sex after being official bfgf. Those women you were seeing probably wanted something more casual and a fling.

[VianneRoscher]

The reason why they ghosted you might be because they wanted sex and you refused. It's about dignity. How do I even talk to you later if something like that happened? 😅

[Chriscunning]

Interesting view on it. I actually think that could be very true.

[JoJoiLL]

Is there a way of letting a girl down gentle and keeping the interest up?

[SilverRain92]

Why is it a problem to talk to a guy after that. It's obvious that if a guy refusing to have sex with a girl on the first date it is not because she is not attractive but because he wants to know her more

[SilverRain92]

So dignity should not be hurt

[Mofunfour20]

They complained because of your performance anxiety. They were willing and you were not, your loss. Im only gonna expect sex on the first date if she shows high interest

[tatianamay]

Fuck no. You're a rarity, man. These girls are prolly gonna end up with a man who treats em like crap. You're good, don't worry

[Cobygonzalez0603]

If a girl has sex on the first date... she will automatically be treated as a slott because she is not valuing herself as a lady. She sold her value to a cheap conversation and some dinner. Value yourself more and connect emotionally with your significant other before the sex. Unless you just want sex. No strings attached. Same goes for the guys.

[Cobygonzalez0603]

Just be yourselves and dont lie. Be honest and you will be happy. The world would be easier this way.
Girls... that prince charming/ sugardaddy won't give out his assets, earnings and money to you just because. Dont have those high standards you are just ending up being used and not loved.
Guys dont try to fart higher than your ass hole just to impress. At the end of the day she will find out how broke or irresponsible you are and end up hurting you.

[Pyrofox]

I'd be happy if a first date lead to simple cuddling I feel no need to rush to the climax of the relationship on the first night.

[MotorcycleMan]

Funny. Men would be considered pigs for that kind of behavior.

[Alexandrubaschet08]

If the girl don't show any sign that show she want some sex or don't accept mine, then 100% hope we will never meet again.

[Explorer91]

It’s because they only wanted you for sex not to date you. They didn’t see you as dating material for whatever reason.
this is most guys dream. Enjoy, haha.

[SilverRain92]

Well, it would definitely hurt my ego if in such a situation a girl wouldn't see me as a "dating material"

[Explorer91]

@SilverRain92 yea but if this is happening all the time as the writer is indicating it is, I’d say he is doing something to damn put off people lol. So you can’t be a certain way then go, why doesn’t anyone want to date me lol, got to work on yourself. If it’s happening most of the time, it’s not everyone else it’s you.

[FreyaRed]

They wanted just sex and you refused. I assure you as girl you will have those unpleasant experiences with dates much more often. So stop crying and look forwards.

[EssenceOfLight]

Because they wanted just a one time thing. I assure you a girl who wants a relationship or even being taken seriously, will never fuck with you at first date.

[AdithyaR]

Even a kiss is too much for me on the first date. I need to get to know them properly before anything physical.

[Gwenhwyfar]

That is just so weird. I had the same problem once or twice.

[CasaNorba]

if you are a woman you are bound to have this problem. that is why I say he must not be from America or maybe the women he was dating actually wanted to hookup instead of getting serious

[Gwenhwyfar]

@CasaNorba maybe