Should I give up on love at age of 42?

[SolassAssinz]

So, I got a question that’s been bothering me for a while. I need honest advice that would help me improve myself. Based on my present appearance

now, I believe I’ll never find love or companionship with a woman. As a 42-year-old black male that’s never been in a relationship residing in NYC, all I’ve been attracting is ugly fat BBW’s (I’ll like just to give up on love if that’s the case).

So, I got a question that’s been bothering me for a while. I need honest advice that would help me improve myself. Based on my present appearance now, I believe I’ll never find love or companionship with a woman. As a 42-year-old black male that’s never been in a relationship residing in NYC, all I’ve been attracting is ugly fat BBW’s (I’ll like just to give up on love if that’s the case).

[mattthefatbat]

Firstly nah don't give up on something you want in life. Honestly not to critcize you but You know those "ugly fat bbw" women can really change their body weight and size at anytime overtime right? Because just telling you honestly, You might not be attracted to their cover but you could really be missing out on a really respectful, caring, loving and good moraled woman.
Also the fact that you attract women in general is a great thing though, that can be a very good indicator that a good loving woman you'd love to be with might be attracted to you as well though.
But dang honestly I never thought I'd find a guy that thought of finding love like that though, reminds me of most girls I over heard throughout High school would be like "if he ain't cute or tall, and ain't got a attractive body then I don't want em and, if I only attract ugly guys im just gonna give up on finding love at that point." That's the kind of thought process I'm hearing when I read this. I'm not gonna stop you from being attracted to who you want but, personally there's so much more than physical attraction I'd be looking for. Really any woman can be a attractive woman, but just because she's attractive won't guarantee she will treat you right though. Because lemme tell you what happened in relationships mostly based on physical attraction. Those girls back in highschool probably would've been more likely to cheat on their boyfriend just because some new guy or 'better looking guy' started flirting with her and when that girl would decide to break up with their cheated boyfriend and date the flirty boy she'd be right back out of the relationship in probably less than a month. If I was a woman I'd probably understand why, but from what I could tell most of the time it's because they probably just weren't treated respectfully or treated right in the relationship. Yet some of them even went back to being and staying in a abusive relationship just because she was attracted to him physically. Not to say this is what will happen with your scenario but just to letting you know there's just more to look for than looks though, I don't want you to end up in a unhappy relationship

[Oliverlogan263]

Don't give up brotha! 42 ain't that old, you still got plenty of time to find someone. Few things I'd suggest:

- Hit the gym if you're not already. Getting fit could boost your confidence and attractiveness. Ladies dig a guy who takes care of himself.

- Get your style and grooming on point. Fresh haircut, clothes that fit well, etc. Looking polished shows you're trying.

- Try expanding where you meet chicks. Sure online is easy but real connections happen out there in the world. Join a co-ed sports league, take a class, volunteer - meet people in person through shared interests.

- Work on being the best version of yourself. What do YOU want in a girl? Focus on being that great catch first before searching. Confidence is key.

- Don't limit yourself to just certain "types." Give folks a chance based on who they are, not just looks. You never know!

Chin up man, your person is out there. It only takes one right connection. Don't give up, step your game up instead - you got this bruh!

[Rei13]

You either need to change the area you’re looking for partners in, your standards, attitude or your appearance. You look a little overweight yourself, could work on becoming more fit and clean up your clothing choices/aesthetics to attract the type of women you want. Also don’t totally eliminate someone because of their weight, they could be an amazing partner in every other aspect and still be physically attractive. That or maybe look outside of NYC. There is a lot of competition there and standards are probably higher, the perfect woman for you just might not be there.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

My 58-yr-old male friend is finally getting married to the 45-yr-old woman he met barely a year ago.

According to him, he never had a serious girlfriend before; just a single 1 night stand in his 30s.

I never formally met the woman he's marrying but heard she was left at the alter about a decade ago.

He said that they both met while volunteering at the church community center.

[Avicenna]

Your age isn't an issue, but dating in NYC can be really difficult (it's one of those places where women's dating standards are pretty insane). And lots of women are overweight, so it's going to be hard to avoid dating them at all.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Have you considered becoming a passport bro?

You're about my age so I know the struggle is real. The women have started to look better since I made the move from Washington State over to Rhode Island... but they're average at best. I put in the work gym wise and I'm just going to be straight up with you... it attracts more gays than decent-looking women. You're in NYC, so I'm guessing even more populated by the fatties... I mean here is a vacation spot for people from there.

But before I came to the States... I lived in Japan. Eye candy everywhere... especially compared to here. And here... my gawd it seems like everytime they are alright looking, they're either a real life hooker, or they have some major issues. The states just sucks.

So my advice that I'd place above all else... even the gym... become a passport bro. I'm not saying they're perfect overseas... but it's way better than the options here. Sure you can looks max or bux max $$$, but that's just going to get even more trash... and there is a lot of effort there. If you do all that effort then why go for a chick from here that is almost guaranteed to take you for granted?

Check out passport bros on youtube... You'll see what I'm talking about.

[meepmeeperton]

Not trying to be offensive here, but becoming a "passport bro" is not particularly good advice for a black man. Asian countries in particular are far more interested in white foreigners than any other race. Not saying it's impossible, but it wouldn't be worth traveling to a whole new country and adapting to a new culture. You'd have better luck in NYC and that's saying something.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@meepmeeperton I have to disagree there. I lived in Japan for 10+ years and for about 5 of those years, I shared a house with a black guy. My homie was pulling like 3 girls for every girl I pulled. I worked with a very diverse group of dudes and the black dudes didn't have any major issues.

Okay, some girls would seek out black guys simply because they have a black man fetish... But he's going to find that in NYC also. If he stays in NYC it's going to be the same old BBW fatties that are ugly with the same fetishes. At least in Japan, this man could pull a hawtie much easier than it is to even find a hawtie here in America.

The options are just so much better than here in the states.

[meepmeeperton]

I mean, he could "pull" some Japanese girls, but they certainly won't want to start a family with him or anything. That's usually what you're looking for at 42...

[D_Bone_Steak]

@meepmeeperton He's have to avoid those "black man fetish" girls I mentioned. But I've got more black friends than I have fingers on facebook right now that's been married since we were in our early 20's in those bars chasing random strange. It's definitely possible to find. I forgot to mention that I was traveling around a lot too... Korea, Hong Kong, Philippines, Thailand, Malaysia, and other places I can't remember the names of... it was the same story in those places as well.

I would really stress avoiding the girls that have the "black man fetish" though. Those women are not serious. They idolize the hip-hop stuff... and they're just not adults in the mind. They're easy pussy, but I wouldn't take them seriously.

[meepmeeperton]

Buddy, Asian female with black female marriages are some of the least common interracial marriages of all. Whereas white male with Asian female is the most common by far. If you have friends that got lucky somehow, that's cool but you don't wanna be giving out false hope.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@meepmeeperton In America yeah. I mean think about it... one of the passport bro rules is not to bring her back to the states, because she'll become just like these women. Not always true, but it's a rule for a reason.

And we can't really rely on stats from here for how things work somewhere else. I don't think it's false hope. But yeah, you're 100% correct if we're talking about dealing with an Asian-American woman. Probably the same for the A-Brits and the A-Canadians.

[meepmeeperton]

I seem to have very different cultural observations from you. In Asia it depends on the country, but a lot of their culture is okay with what we would call racism. In Korea, families will approve of their kids marrying other Koreans and maybe whites, no blacks. Meanwhile for Asian-American women, you have SoCal ABG’s with big lashes and tan skin who are basically cosplaying black women, they’re down to date black guys.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@meepmeeperton Yeah, we may of just seen different shit.

This though-->"SoCal ABG’s with big lashes and tan skin who are basically cosplaying black women" My dude, we've both seen the same shit here 😆 😂 🤣 I was calling them women with a black man fetish, but women cosplaying as black women describes it better. Even when they don't do the dress-up stuff... you can feel it when you try to have a conversation with them. I ran into a lot of that shit when I lived in San Diego and even in Hollywood... fucking California. But yeah, I saw it in Japan as well. They do shit like dressing up like bloods and crips and then hang out together and have little gangster parties. Complete posers pretending to be street gang members. If you've seen it... you already know how hilarious it is.

[Anonymous]

I am your same age. Ever since my last relationship 5 years ago I’ve felt the same. But something happened. I got involved with two very bad addictions out of depression. Hit a rock bottom, came to sobriety, came to recovery and realized I had some life long much deeper issues about loving and accepting myself for a very long time. Like since I was a teenager long time. But at a deep subconscious level I was in denial. And protecting my ego just made me bitter and hateful.

I have more of a peace of mind now then I’ve ever had. And I find myself interacting with people and women in particular with a much more clear head. I also stopped comparing myself to others. Also been able to let go of some long time grudges. Particularly the really painful ones involving exes.

I don’t know whatever you all got going on in your life. But if you got any vices now is the time to address them. I know sex and fantasy addiction was one of my mine. I’m part of a anon group for it. Now I’m hitting this demon straight on I feel a lot better about myself. Feel less alone even though I am “alone”. I got more faith now.

And no I haven’t given up on love. I’m actually ready to fully receive it now for the first time in my life. To feel worthy of it when it does come.

[WindAtMyBack]

I know someone two years older than me who recently started their first good relationship. He has had a few relationships in the past, but not good ones. Actually they were pretty bad. By pure accident, at around 65 or so, he stumbled on to someone who was just right for him. I don't know if they will get married, but they are in it for the long run.

Don't think it's too late. Maybe make it a lower priority, for your own mental well-being. But don't write it off completely. In the meantime, make the best of everything else in your life.

42 might seem old to you. It seems young to me. Like all kinds of time.

[HawkPerception]

First off, you're not a bad looking dude and it's fine to have physical standards. You look like you're in shape. So expecting that of a partner is fine. I feel like a lot of these women nowadays just let it go after their early 20s and most never make a comeback.

Never give up on it man. We all desire companionship, love, and support in our lives. And once you have it, you'll never want to go back to being alone.

I read statistics that the most desired men out there are white men for women of all races other than black women. So all of us minorities feel it man.

Trust me... I know dating for guys ain't easy nowadays. Most women are egotistical and entitled. Social media has ruined them. But there are still good ones out there. Keep your head up.

[Selene1600000]

Don’t give up on love at 42 because your age or lack of past relationships does not decide your future. What you are describing sounds more like frustration and filtering issues in who you are meeting rather than an actual limit on who you can attract. Focus on improving your dating pool, your confidence, and how you show up, because those are the real factors that change outcomes over time.

[lightbulb27]

no, you are just starting your next life, why giveup now. I got married at 50, as did others. I know a 63yr old dating a 32 yr old. love is more than you imagine.

What should do is get in a fight with mike tyson. when you wake up from the coma, you start as a new man!

Or turn life over to Jesus, study up a bit on yourself, and get a new attitude so you attract someone else. That's less painful...

I know a few crazy Asian women that would enjoy a boyfriend...

[IslaTheWitch]

I never based on appearance, so no idea...

but you could list your strengths and weaknesses and maybe find a new direction to grow? and work on weaknesses? find your natural confidence?

[bobby_bush_eater]

You're not a bad looking dude (no diddy). NYC is tough though, maybe you gotta find some hobbies or go to places you'd normally be uncomfortable going to.

Definitely don't quit but put yourself in some uncomfortable situations to meet others, maybe that'll change your luck

[JesseP1nk]

Dude. My suggestion is to work on yourself. Think what you like to do - and then do it. If you dont know - hit the gym. Work out and get some 6 packs and muscles. Learn some instruments. Guitar or something. Once you find that woman. You show her what you been working on :) And if that does not get you laid... then i dont know what does :D

https://www.youtube.com/embed/kkZhiXh2Np8

[OfMiceandMen]

TBH - I think it's one of those things where if you give up or take a break, the one will show up out of nowhere.

[meepmeeperton]

What kind of 42 year old black man doesn't like BBW's? I kinda thought that was your guys' thing.

[Nikki1989]

Never give up. I know an old guy that found love, and he is 72. It is never too late.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Give up on LOVE & go for LUST instead & just remember condoms prevent minivans.

[sheikalana]

No, you should not give up and you look great by the way I don’t think you need to change anything.

[Billlewis]

You're not bad looking; I think you can be very successful.

[Dreamclouds]

Neag never give up, the eseence of our existence is love, love always like you would love the first time

[OddBeMe]

Sounds like you may have expectations that aren’t attainable. So maybe give it a break and re-think

[MaaikeVee]

No!

People are older than you and have held on, never given up hope, and succeeded.

Colour is irrelevant too.

[Iron_Man]

It doesn’t seem to work out ever

[DishLady]

Nope.

[whistlingwh0res]

Americans only care for money no love