Should I start being short with him or just keep telling him what bothers me when it happens?

[Anonymous]

So my partner seems like he doesn't listen/ comprehend when i talk about my day or things i bring up. I have mentioned that this bothers me multiple times. He said he will work on it and we will figure out the best way that works for him and us. It seems like he does it everyday and I feel like if I keep talking about it, it will be the same outcome. Thankfully its not just me, he does this with everyone.

Just keep things short with him

Keep telling him how you feel

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tough one. On one hand, still telling him when it bothers you is important for him to understand how it makes you feel, since obviously he hasn't changed his behavior yet.

But doing the same thing over and over if it's not working might also start to feel pointless. A couple things you could try:

- Be short and direct when pointing it out, like "You're not listening again" instead of a long explanation every time. Making it short and sweet may have more impact.

- Set a specific example of what you need, like asking direct follow up questions or making eye contact. Not just "you don't listen" but specific behaviors you want to see.

- Come at it more from a place of concern than blame, like "I notice this is a pattern, is everything ok?" to see if something else is up.

- Give him positive reinforcement when he DOES listen, people respond better to that than just criticism.

- Ask if trying to limit certain topics that zone him out would help at all as a temporary fix.

Making small adjustments in your approach could help shake things up if just complaining hasn't worked so far. But boundaries are good too if it continues being a consistent issue. Hopefully you guys can find a system that works!

[DishLady]

It’s important to maintain open lines of communication, but it’s also important to say things in a way that the other person will receive it properly and proceed with the desired effect you want from them. So… address the problem in a timely manner, use kind words — perhaps couching the critical point in between two positive points so that the guy takes the news a little better. I call it the Affirmation Sandwich bc you tell the guy something you like about him, you mention the thing to correct, and then you mention a closing affirmation. The result is that you’ll find yourselves talking more openly and honestly this way and he won’t feel like you’re just bombarding him with critique.


IF the affirmation sandwich doesn’t work then you have to be blunt… He won’t like what you have to say, but if he’s a good guy he’ll respect you for being honest with him.

[Sasquach]

Can you give an example of how he would act after you tell him somthing?

[Asker]

He would make things up that are not true. So for an example something I do frequent is doing errands, if I haven’t done them at all that day and I don’t say anything he would just assume I did them. Or if I tell him I have a few appointments coming up and what days he would mix them up when I clearly mentioned what appointment it was. He would get it confused and make things up in his own head when I already told him what kind of appointment it was. It would be pretty obvious that he isn’t understanding or reading /hearing what I said