With modern women, not only is it okay to go 50/50, I'd argue you'd be wise to only give her half the time guys gave a woman on a date 25-30 years ago. See, your time is valuable too... it's not just about money.
Once a woman has proven she's a traditional type (respectful, feminine, capable of loyalty and interested in focusing enough on 1 guy to give him a shot) then you can switch to traditional mode if you're looking for traditional.
I only hit yes because I think the guy should always offer to pay and if the woman wants/offers to go 50/50 that works too. There are women out there that do take advantage of it. Maybe donāt do anything crazy expensive for a first date unless you know her really well, just stick to a coffee date or something small.
In a nutshell, no, it isn't tacky. It's reasonable and I'd never expect a guy to pay for me on a first date or until we were definitely going somewhere with the relationship. I think I would feel slightly uncomfortable if he refused to allow me to pay, like maybe he wants something else from me...
Honestly, on a first date, I prefer coffee because it's less involved and less expensive than a full meal and I can wrap it up quickly and smoothly if we don't hit it off. If we do hit it off, we can do dinner on another date.
I think more clarification is needed here, based on some of the responses. Things are not the same as they were 40 years ago, and I think when a millennial says "first date" it doesn't mean the same thing as when someone from an earlier generation says "first date". First date doesn't necessarily mean the friendship was preexisting and blossomed into romance. It often just means "We hit it off online, plan to meet in person, and want to see if this will turn into anything". It's far less serious in the latter context.
If we are using dating apps to meet people, I think it's understood that when we meet in person for the first time, we're not being exclusive. We're just getting to know the person. In that context, 50/50 or going Dutch makes total sense, and that is the situation for many, many people today.
However, if a guy has known and been attracted to a girl in person for a while, knows that he wants to pursue her and asks her on a date, it makes more sense that he pays, per traditional etiquette. But at that point, they aren't seeking anyone else or just then getting to know one another. They already know and want to take the next step. Traditional etiquette applies in that scenario. And at that point, I suspect the guy is happy to pay for the girl because he actually knows who she is. I think that may be the difference here.
My personal opinion is going dutch should be the standard across the board, unless the girl states that her intention is to have a traditional relationship (she's the stay at home partner that handles the cooking and cleaning), in which case if the man agrees, that would be the dynamic going forward.
It's not the old days anymore where women make a fraction of what men make. Women earn just as much as men nowadays and in some cases, even more. So why should a man have to be "chivalrous" and pay? Is the girl's time more valuable than his own that he has to pay for her to even be there? Is she not also interested in him? If so, shouldn't that mean she's just as invested being there?
And then there's factors like if the date does not work out, some guys feel used for a free meal. And girls (with a conscience) have a little pressure or feel obligated to owe them something in return.
The way I see it, I'm looking for a friendship as much as I am a relationship. I would not apply a different standard to my potential partner that I would to my best friend on a date. I would never ask my friend to pay and I would not pay for their bill either all the time. We'd likely take turns after knowing each other for a while and just pay for ourselves at the start.
There are many countries in Europe where it's apparently normal to go Dutch, like the Netherlands, Germany, Sweden, Norway, Findland, Denmark, and Switzerland. I believe all of those countries are ahead of the times in terms of social norms and their governments.
But yeah... for me, unless a girl wants a traditional relationship, if she's not willing to go Dutch, she's not the one for me. Doesn't matter how much hate I get from girls in this.
@TheRealPepperPotts Just in case any clarification was needed, I never thought or implied that you hated me. I was simply sharing my own opinion š No hate here!
Times are changing & times have changed & in the past it would be tacky to go 50/50 on a date however nowadays dating isnāt what it used to be. When it comes to dating letās face it guys love & expect booty calls & nowadays a lot of girls are choosing fries before guys & just going on dates for foodie calls. As for me I always say if a foodie call leads to a booty call itās worth paying & if you pay 50/50 on a date it is like you are just going out at friends & you probably wonāt have a second date either. Paying 50/50 is risky & your chances of going out with that person again arenāt 50/50 unless that person really likes you.
I don't care for booty calls. I only care about finding a life partner. If she's not willing to go Dutch the first date, I immediately know she's not life partner material
If the girl asked, she should really be ready to cover it and the guy can politely offer to pay. (European folks do a little wrestle for the billā¦ if the guy is smart itās an opp to stare are her boobs while sheās concentrating on pulling the check out of the guyās hands. 😂
If the guy asked, he should really be ready to cover it and the girl can politely offer to payā¦ or at least leave the tip (which Iāve seen guys kindly agree to at least on 2nd dates and moving forward).
It also depends on what the date is. For example, if the guy has tickets to a game and the girl offers to cover the dinnerā¦ that seems pretty fair bc tickets can be $$$$ if theyāre close upā¦. Or in LDR situations, the person who traveled to come see the other person should be treated bc they paid airfare or train fare etc to spend time with their person of interestā¦.
Do you drop £30 in a homeless person's hand that's on the street? So I'm trying to get to know someone, they want to get to know me. Why do I need to pay for that experience. a lot of people are feeling the pinch now. infact woman joked she saved money on the grocery shop, coz she'd eat out on dates. A first date doesn't have to be dinner. It can be a walk in the park (which a date suggested to me). I guess when talking initially you work out what you are prepared to do. If the vibe is there more power to you. I hope the money is there too.
why should it cost you a fortune to find out she's just not into you? or just looking for free food and drinks. This first date is a screening for compatibility and finding out the type person they are. If there is good repour than I'd pay fully for the next date as I have a better prospective of this person and how sincere their intentions truly are.
I agree, but I'd go further than a first date. People can easily fake personalities in the beginning. I'd wait a few dates down the road to see if she's really worth the effort
In the very beginning when youāre going out with someone donāt open up your wallet for them ever! only if things get serious and they prove they are loyal to you and not just out to use you 💯
I've done 50/50, or he paid or in rare circumstances, I paid. The guy I paid for I had a lingering feeling I did not enjoy. For the guy 50/50, or cover what we ordered? Did not think he was tacky. And the guy who paid for it all left me wondering why in the back of my mind.
Some women are under the mistaken impression that paying for their own food, drink or whatever, somehow protects them from a man's expectations of "quid pro quo". Let me assure you that it doesn't if he's that kind of guy. It might make YOU "feel better", but it has zero effect on a guy who began the date with an expectation of any kind.
That said, if it makes you feel better then do it, but realize it's not an insurance policy of any kind. Strictly my own opinion here, but if a guy is truly impressed by a woman's offer to pay, there's something about him I don't like.
I can see why people do think itās tacky but to me like weāre strangers who donāt owe each other anything so. I also think it should be normal to trade off who pays at least later in the relationship. If Iām wrong please convince me ( donāt be mean tho)
I don't think so. I think it's fair. One thing to note though is that if the person you're dating has a pretty sharp mind she or he will take it as a date in which there's not too much involvement on your part to woo that person.
I don't think it's tacky but I generally go 50/50 when I know I am not interested. Like it puts a guy in a better light if he wants to pay but I suppose, we can still hangout as friends, I just don't see that as a "Date" I see it as hanging out.
Iāve never understood splitting the bill. Why not just get your own bills? That way you each pay for exactly what you got.
No issue with separate bills on a first date, that said, if you ask me out then expect me to pay, I would be taken abackā¦if it was a mutually planned meeting Iād be fine paying my share without judging.
If the giy doesn't want to be used as a free meal ticket, etc. each should pay their own way at first.
Plus, unless she is ACTUALLY traditional (virgin until marriage and no provocative/revealing posts on social media, no tattoos, etc.) Then there is no need for the man to behave traditionally either.
You ladies wanted equality. Suck it up, buttercup. Also they're about to start registering you for the draft, lol. Have fun dying in a foreign country for Wall Street.
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Yeah, I donāt think itās genuine. But there are some particular girls who will be okay with it. Though most wouldnāt if she likes you and looking for a long-term relationship.
So you would tell her what she can and cannot order as you're paying and don't want to pay too much? Depends what a ridiculous amount is in her eyes and yours.
@Darkchild25 I wouldn't take her to a fancy restaurant. We're going to coffee shop or something. I doubt most women would order the entire menu knowing someone else is paying for it. I'll cross that bridge if I ever get to it.
Itās a little different if youāve already been together for a while, same with friends. At that point, it kind of just depends on who is feel more extra kind.
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