Dating a guy that is seperated?

[Anonymous]

Started dating a guy from work. We went on a few dates and I really started liking him. It was really nice we hit it off really quickly. We even ended up sleeping together. He asked me to have a kid with him on our second date which hit me by surprise because why so soon?

On our third date it was really nice but then I learned that he is separated and in the process of getting a divorce. When he approached me at work he referred to her as his ex or child’s mom so I thought he was already divorced. When I realized he was still married, I was shook and on the fence about the whole dating thing.

I went on one more date and I asked him to be more vulnerable about his situation. I instantly regretted telling him to be more vulnerable because he became an emotional wreck about his divorce and that his wife is dating someone else. It made me take a complete step back. I wasn’t able to give him the support that he needed because I was still processing that I am dating an emotional unavailable men. I was also losing interest because I didn’t like that he is crying over another woman.

I suggested that we be friends so he can heal and he said that he wanted to remain more than friends because he likes me more than friends. Also me ending things triggered him even more because I was like another girl leaving him.

I’m concerned because I do like him, he is a nice guy, but I don’t wanna get caught up in his marriage problems. We gotta work together at the end of the day and I don’t want him or his problems to affect my career.

Updates

1 y

What should I do in this situation? Continue to date him or just leave him alone?

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, this is such a mess! Dating a separated guy from work was risky enough, and now all this extra baggage is coming out. I'd say at this point you really need to pump the brakes and take a big step back from him.

It's one thing if a divorce is finalized and he's truly ready to move on, but he's clearly still way too stuck in the emotional drama of his marriage ending. Crying over another woman on dates is a major red flag! I get being vulnerable, but he obviously isn't in the right headspace yet.

Continuing something romantic with him will likely only end up with you getting sucked into all his problems. And that could really complicate things at work too if things go south. As much as you like him, his personal issues are just too much baggage right now.

I'd say be polite but keep your distance. Make it clear you care about him as a friend but can't be anything more until his divorce is fully closed. Focus on yourself and don't get tangled up in his emotional turmoil - you don't need that stress! Hopefully one day down the line when he's healed things could be different. But for now, it's better to take a step back before it gets messier.

[Asker]

This was excellent advice thank you.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome! I'm glad I could try to help give some perspective on your tricky situation. Dating while divorces are happening can definitely lead to drama, so it's good you're being careful. Hopefully taking things slow as just friends for now will let you get to know each other better without all the relationship pressure. And if it seems like too much hassle, no shame in backing off either. Just do what feels right for you without getting dragged into someone else's problems. Wishing you the best figuring this all out!

[dudeinohio]

Date him. So what of he's separated? The divorce is pending. Plus his ex is dating. Their relationship is over.

[Asker]

I do like him but he is in the early stages of healing and I don’t want someone I’m dating to be crying over another woman. That’s a complete turn off.

[dudeinohio]

A new relationship is the best cure for getting over an old one. Worked for me.

[In_Trance]

So what's your question

[Asker]

I guess my response was more of a rant but my question is what should I do in this situation? I do like him but I don't know should I just cut him off? I don’t want make things weird a work and he seems to need a friend right now. What is the best way to go about it?

[In_Trance]

You have to do what's right for you. Just keep in mind that if you continue forward he is definitely not free and clear