Would/should you date a guy who is currently going through a divorce and is trying to get to know you better and maybe have a relationship?

Question

Also mentioned he got kids

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I’m going through this right now with a guy who I started dating for 7 months. He has been married for 14 years and described his relationship as ‘toxic’. Now before we met online, I set standards for myself that I didn’t want to date divorced men and single fathers. So I was looking around in the dating pool. Till I met him online and complimented his picture. Then he started stalking me and begging me to message him and give him a chance. So I did.

He was very nice and showered me with compliments and listened to me. Something I wasn’t used to in the dating scene. Then he sent me gifts and as I was getting to know him little by little. He finally dropped the bomb on me and explained to me that he was going through a divorce. This made me upset and uncomfortable, because this was the situation I did not want in my life. Till I asked him if he was “still married”? Which he replied “yes” and he still deals with the divorce lawyer to pay his wife money weekly.

This made me uncomfortable and I tried breaking things off with him. But he got hurt and started guilt tripping me and going on a rant that “dating is hard and all women are evil…” So I give him another chance. Then over time as we gotten to know each other more. There was something about his personality that give me red flags. It’s almost like he doesn’t understand women at all. His personality is that of a child. Even though he’s 37 years old. I remember one time I explained that I was on my period and he didn’t know how to handle that moment. Then he watches so much porn and weird animal fetish’s and he tells me that “all adults do this and it’s normal.”

He also has been demanding for sex 2-3x a day and wants me to wear skimpy role play outfits in the house. He also constantly drinks and smokes cigarettes all day. Which has caused health issues on his body, like psoriasis and coughing a lot. I have told him to cut back on smoking and drinking. But he gets upset and lectures me about dieting and exercising to look like the naked women he sees online.

His wife still contacts him to pay her money and to spend time with his 10 year old son. But they get into a argument over the phone and he tells her “leave me alone! I’m with someone else and happy!”

That now I’m questioning his relationship with his wife and my relationship with him. Thinking if I made a mistake with this man.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I wouldn’t at all especially if I’m age range as yours 18-24 I should actually worry if I should date my life til a decent guy appears.
Not trying to be rude I get it those love signals can be hard to ignore but after all it is manageable
Just my option you do NOT deserve him at 18-24 years old divorced with kids w. He might be a very good guy etc etc but
You can do way better
Yes he wins if he has you because you are Childless and young but you don’t win having him at ALL
Don’t be stupid don’t ruin this life universe gave you at 2023 18-24 years old for a dude who’s divorced with kids
Don’t

Qdbrown · Accepted Answer

Most divorce guys are often reeling from the divorce, and are just looking for the first warm body as a form of divorce aspirin.

After the divorce, he will slowly go back to normal, and he will rethink what he wants in woman, and to be honest, most just want to get back to the dating scene to see what is out there.

And here is the rub, a guy who has been in a long-term relationship has to do the work to rebuild himself, to be ready to date. There is no amount of time on how long that takes, regardless how happy he is, leaving the marriage, he needs his own time to bounce back. Unless you want to be his rebound, I would just stay friends and see where he takes his life.

For me, it took about two years because I rebounded with a number of women, trying to get back to a normal relationship, because I felt like that I needed to have a realtionship, for the sake of having one. Your married friends will put distance and it feels better to have another, even if you're not sure about her. And it's not fair to your partner to have such short-term views of her.

Ironically, I was initially happy when I was divorced. I felt like. had escaped. About two months later that funky loneliness feeling hit. I hated that feeling and that what drove me to start finding my wife's replacement.

BoobSlayer · Accepted Answer

Whether or not to date someone who is going through a divorce is a personal decision that depends on individual circumstances and priorities. It is important to consider the emotional and legal implications of getting involved with someone who is not yet divorced, as well as any potential impact on any children involved. It is also important to consider whether the person is truly ready for a new relationship, or if they are still dealing with unresolved feelings from their previous marriage. Ultimately, it is up to the individuals involved to make this decision based on what they feel is best for them.

Guy13 · Answer

You mean a guy going through a divorce as separated or after divorce dealing with attorneys? This may be something to keep as friends and contact but not get all involved in. He sounds like he is nowhere near settled in his life especially with his kids to care for... I am sure he does not have much money and time during this life transition.

UmbrusNightshade · Answer

I can’t speak from personal experience but I can from observation. If the guy is in the middle of a divorce, it’s likely he isn’t in a good spot to be dating right now. Divorces can get messy, especially if kids are involved, and unless he has everything worked out and is just waiting to have it concluded I’d stay away. He really isn’t gonna be in a good place to date until the divorce is finalized, any custody issues are resolved and he’s had time to adjust his life. I’ve seen divorce issues cause lots of problems for both men and women.

DubiousIntentions · Answer

No thank you. For one thing, until a divorce is finalized you are guilty of adultery. On top of that, it will usually take a divorced person a period of time to get over a relationship. Until they are able to move on all they will be doing is rebounding from one relationship to another, and not able to put their mind and soul into any of them.

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

ROFL. There's a reason why he's getting divorced sweetie and that's because he can't keep his hands or his dick to himself. Obviously if he can't even wait to get through the divorce and by doing so show some respect to his ex wife and his children as well.

If you want to be involved with a douchebag that a smarter woman divorced, go ahead.

If you want to be considered a smart & decent/respectable woman, tell him to get lost.

Gibbons44 · Answer

I am not a believer in the whole 'wait until it is all perfect and delivered to you on a silver plate' dogma.

People can be many different ways - the fact someone is divorcing does not mean they are garbage (might in fact have been cheated on or even unmarried/never having consumated marriage, as is the case with me)

AydenHazor · Answer

I dated a couple times during my divorce, it took two and a half years to be finalized. It really depends on the situation. If he's just looking to get over his ex, then it's not a good idea, but if he's in a healthy place and is looking for a healthy relationship, I see no issue with it.

slatyb · Answer

No, you shouldn't. Succeed is a mess. Wait until it is final, then carefully think about why it happened. What has he learned? Why do you believe he won't repeat the pattern with you?

Adam1978 · Answer

No he needs a break, he should get all that done and solved before looking for a replacement. You didn't cause it, right?

Finchie40 · Answer

Yea why not , sometimes divorces take a long time so why wait?

Anonymous · Answer

If the divorce papers were signed maybe as it means the marriage is definitely over if they haven't been signed nope because it means he is still married

WhitneySnow · Answer

If I was older and I really liked him I would

rienna888 · Answer

No I heard that these men never will leave the wife

LiamJHayden · Answer

Always wait till the divorce is final. Reconciliations happen, often, at the last minute.

standardguy · Answer

Why not. He needs an ancor in these difficult times.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope. She has to be completely divorced first.

LazerBean · Answer

No, you should not date a married man.

Flower7 · Answer

I wouldn’t. He’s married!

es20490446e · Answer

It just depends on the guy.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Absolutely not. That's a recipe for disaster.

RockyHammock · Answer

It's your life and your decision.

serious_miss419 · Answer

No. Why would you question it?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Noooo

EaterPeter · Answer

Nope.

Would/should you date a guy who is currently going through a divorce and is trying to get to know you better and maybe have a relationship?

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Would/should you date a guy who is currently going through a divorce and is trying to get to know you better and maybe have a relationship?

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