Would you date someone who just got out of a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Would you date someone who just got out of a relationship?

[Screenwriter]

People need time to get over a breakup. Someone may do the rebound boogie just to not be alone, then dump you after they're over the FORMER relationship because they were never really invested in you... It's not the best scenario. Longtime relationships (20-30 years) usually take a year or two to get over. Shorter ones, shorter times. Weigh that. Go out with others and check this person out later... MIght save you grief.

[Asker]

Could you look at my situation?
My ex broke up with his girlfriend about a week before we dated.
I found this convo on his phone a week after the breakup and while we were dating. Took place 3 months ago.
The convo was this
Her: “we can work through this. It was just a fight. I’m sorry for everything”
Him: “it’s over and was a shame. Cause you will make a good girlfriend for any guy if you just calmed down”
Her: “I was just insecure. Your exes wouldn’t leave you alone and I didn’t know how to handle it properly”
Him: “what a shame. Go away”
Her: “are you really in a new relation this quick. You were so controlling with who I could talk to. Yet look at this?”
Him: “yeah and let me rub it in your face some more. She is so amazing. Everything you and I went through I learned from. I’ve already met her whole family and they are amazing. I had an exam this weekend. If I didn’t I would be out of town with her”
Her: “you don’t deserve me”
Then a week later she cussed him out then they blocked eachother
It’s funny cause this happened months ago. But last month we had a discussion cause he was liking his exes family’s post. Yet he never knew them. He told me he would go block them. When he got there he found out they already blocked him. He just laughed.

[Screenwriter]

It's up to you to take that chance. I'm simply saying, just because a relationship might've been over while the two were still together, doesn't mean it is FORMALLY over. And sometimes men use NEW relationships to heal their hurt from the old one. NOT as a fresh start into something permanent. Time is what heals wounds. Not leaping into new relationships when you haven't processed the cessation of the old. The fact that he spent all that time talking to her indicates he had not ended things. He hadn't blocked all accounts and phones... etc... The bragging about how much better you are than she was feel particularly worrisome to me. He's using you to impress her with how awful she was and how, clearly, great he is to have attracted you.

[Asker]

Well she was abusive. They had a fight and she told him he was an “asshole And bad in bed” that’s when he left.
She kept begging and begging and apologizing. He would block her then she should would get ahold of him. then he unblocked her but she started again so he shoved it in her face

[Screenwriter]

He blocked her, he unblocked her. She blocked, she unblocked. She abused him, she begged him to come back. This kind of drama shows the two were still entangled. There's no excuse for either of them, except they were IN THE PROCESS of breaking up. This is what USUALLY happens. Then people spend time alone, work their through their sadness and loneliness and make peace with their decision. If they go straight from one person to another, this PROCESS hasn't been completed. It's also according to how long they were together. If they've been together a year or more, it will likely take half a year to be over the mess, unless it was a calm amicable ending. Nothing you've said indicates this. Good luck though.

[Asker]

So from what I read in the texts is that she was accusing him of being controlling.
She told him “you made me block my male friends. I had to take all my calls in front of you. You had dreams of me cheating. But I did it all for you. Now you are off with some chick running around. Yet your exes would pop up and be friends with your family. And anytime I said anything you would just flip the tables.”
He said they had been best friends for 2 years then dated for 6 months

[Screenwriter]

They've known each other for years, went out for half a year and she had negative things to say about him that maybe he needs to work out before a new relationship... I'd stay cool

[Pinay_ako]

No... I'd think it's too soon for him to be jumping into a relationship with me.

[Asker]

My ex broke up with his girlfriend about a week before we dated.
I found this convo on his phone a week after the breakup and while we were dating. Took place 3 months ago.
The convo was this
Her: “we can work through this. It was just a fight. I’m sorry for everything”
Him: “it’s over and was a shame. Cause you will make a good girlfriend for any guy if you just calmed down”
Her: “I was just insecure. Your exes wouldn’t leave you alone and I didn’t know how to handle it properly”
Him: “what a shame. Go away”
Her: “are you really in a new relation this quick. You were so controlling with who I could talk to. Yet look at this?”
Him: “yeah and let me rub it in your face some more. She is so amazing. Everything you and I went through I learned from. I’ve already met her whole family and they are amazing. I had an exam this weekend. If I didn’t I would be out of town with her”
Her: “you don’t deserve me”
Then a week later she cussed him out then they blocked eachother
It’s funny cause this happened months ago. But last month we had a discussion cause he was liking his exes family’s post. Yet he never knew them. He told me he would go block them. When he got there he found out they already blocked him. He just laughed.

[brennanhuff]

I wouldn’t mind since I’d probably be a rebound but since I’d rather have casual sex now, it wouldn’t bother me and would make it easier for me. I don’t want to hurt a girls feelings if she wants more and I just want sex. But since it’s more likely she’s looking for something temporary after a break up so soon, we can both get what we want without problems

[Asker]

My ex broke up with his girlfriend about a week before we dated.
I found this convo on his phone a week after the breakup and while we were dating. Took place 3 months ago.
The convo was this
Her: “we can work through this. It was just a fight. I’m sorry for everything”
Him: “it’s over and was a shame. Cause you will make a good girlfriend for any guy if you just calmed down”
Her: “I was just insecure. Your exes wouldn’t leave you alone and I didn’t know how to handle it properly”
Him: “what a shame. Go away”
Her: “are you really in a new relation this quick. You were so controlling with who I could talk to. Yet look at this?”
Him: “yeah and let me rub it in your face some more. She is so amazing. Everything you and I went through I learned from. I’ve already met her whole family and they are amazing. I had an exam this weekend. If I didn’t I would be out of town with her”
Her: “you don’t deserve me”
Then a week later she cussed him out then they blocked eachother
It’s funny cause this happened months ago. But last month we had a discussion cause he was liking his exes family’s post. Yet he never knew them. He told me he would go block them. When he got there he found out they already blocked him. He just laughed.

[coachTanthony]

Yes as long as you realize what you are getting into. You could end up being a rebound if that is your thing. If it's not then I would vote NO.

[Asker]

My ex broke up with his girlfriend about a week before we dated.
I found this convo on his phone a week after the breakup and while we were dating. Took place 3 months ago.
The convo was this
Her: “we can work through this. It was just a fight. I’m sorry for everything”
Him: “it’s over and was a shame. Cause you will make a good girlfriend for any guy if you just calmed down”
Her: “I was just insecure. Your exes wouldn’t leave you alone and I didn’t know how to handle it properly”
Him: “what a shame. Go away”
Her: “are you really in a new relation this quick. You were so controlling with who I could talk to. Yet look at this?”
Him: “yeah and let me rub it in your face some more. She is so amazing. Everything you and I went through I learned from. I’ve already met her whole family and they are amazing. I had an exam this weekend. If I didn’t I would be out of town with her”
Her: “you don’t deserve me”
Then a week later she cussed him out then they blocked eachother
It’s funny cause this happened months ago. But last month we had a discussion cause he was liking his exes family’s post. Yet he never knew them. He told me he would go block them. When he got there he found out they already blocked him. He just laughed.

[coachTanthony]

You just need to be careful. I mean did he meet your parents because he wanted too? Or to just be able to say to his ex that he did. Intentions are the key components here.

[Asker]

Well I invited him and he came and we enjoyed
He said he told her so she could go away

[coachTanthony]

okay well just follow your heart but take your brain with you at all times. LOL

[Asker]

What would you do?

[coachTanthony]

If I liked them I would give them a chance. I would just be a bit guarded until I knew they were for real.

[Asker]

On my situation tho. What would you do? Same thing?

[coachTanthony]

Yeah same thing.

[Logorithim]

Yes, as long as I feel she is emotionally ready to dedicate herself to a relationship with me.

[ElissaDido]

No I wouldn't.
I don't want to be a rebound.
I'd want him to have been out of the relationship for at least a few months.

[rjroy3]

I've dated immediately after relationships before and I know how it was for me. For that reason I wouldn't exclusively date a girl fresh off a breakup.

She could genuinely like you and want to be with you. Not consciously getting into it as a way to bounce back and heal from her breakup. But you're asking for a lot from someone who really can't give to you from an emotionally stable place. Meet that same girl two months post breakup and you could have a smooth, beautiful relationship. But after a breakup you setup a situation where you're more taking care of her emotionally and it's just not the type of relationship you want. It's more volatile emotionally when it should be the honeymoon period. a lot of reasons not to do it.

Unless you already know them and know they're the type of person you want to marry. In my mind it's not worth getting into right away, but if you're that serious it might be worth it. I know girls who "might" go 3 months as a single girl. You meet a girl like that and you have a short window of time to move.

[Staiby]

It depends on why they left the relationship.

There's such a thing as mentally leaving a relationship before you physically leave the relationship. I was dating a complete jerk and I came to hate him. It was a couple of big things that he did and said that made me realize "this is not going to last... because this is absolute bullshit".

I started conversing with a guy who was nice and who i had chemistry with. I left him and started seeing this new guy. When it ended I was just relieved and felt no sadness, no grieving period (guess I already went through it when I realized it wasn't going to last). I left the relationship ready for this new relationship and it's been going well ever since and this all happen a matter of years a go now.

If a potential partner was in a circumstance like that, I see no issue with starting a relationship.

[Anujshah98]

Been there, done that. Didn't end up well for me.
It was this June when I finally decided to date again after a year. Met this girl and got to know her. She had broken up with her "ex" boyfriend (who is again her boyfriend now) in Feb. We started dating and I was loving every minute of it, 6 months into it and us being pretty into each other (at least that is what I thought) she told me out of the blue that she just doesn't think she can move on and broke up.

Never dating anyone who has just gotten out of a relationship.

No matter how much they think they are ready trust me they are not

[Asker]

I’m sorry about that. Could you look at my situation?
My ex broke up with his girlfriend about a week before we dated.
I found this convo on his phone a week after the breakup and while we were dating. Took place 3 months ago.
The convo was this
Her: “we can work through this. It was just a fight. I’m sorry for everything”
Him: “it’s over and was a shame. Cause you will make a good girlfriend for any guy if you just calmed down”
Her: “I was just insecure. Your exes wouldn’t leave you alone and I didn’t know how to handle it properly”
Him: “what a shame. Go away”
Her: “are you really in a new relation this quick. You were so controlling with who I could talk to. Yet look at this?”
Him: “yeah and let me rub it in your face some more. She is so amazing. Everything you and I went through I learned from. I’ve already met her whole family and they are amazing. I had an exam this weekend. If I didn’t I would be out of town with her”
Her: “you don’t deserve me”
Then a week later she cussed him out then they blocked eachother
It’s funny cause this happened months ago. But last month we had a discussion cause he was liking his exes family’s post. Yet he never knew them. He told me he would go block them. When he got there he found out they already blocked him. He just laughed.

[Anujshah98]

You say ex, does it mean that the two of you aren't seeing each other anymore?

[Anujshah98]

The family thing, I understand I mean I still am. on good terms with my ex girlfriend's cousin. It isn't awkward or anything but we just talk about ourselves and try not to involve her in the conversation.

Apart from that he sounds like he was very impulsive in decision making. I mean breaking over a fight and not wanting to get back is understandable only when either the fight is very very severe or when they fight every other day. Another thing that makes me think that is him dating you in just a matter of week of his break up. I am not saying that it isn't possible but do you think you'd want to be with someone who can replace important people so quickly?

It took me about 3 years to completely get over my first girlfriend (we were together for 2 years) while it took very long for me to move on, a week seems too short to me.(ask people on GAG what the average moving on time should be)

[Anujshah98]

Also it seemed like he was just trying to make her jealous from the obvious fact that he said "to rub it in your face" which inclines towards being more of a rebound kinda thing

[chimeara]

I think not dating someone because they just got out of a relationship is nonsense. It is far better than dating someone still in a relationship and if you are interested in them better to date them before the enter a relationship with someone not foolish enough to wait. Life is too short always try to make the most of it.

[RockStar2611]

Truth

[RockStar2611]

It depends on who left. If your dating the person that left that relationship was probably over if not years before you met them. If you’re dating the person that was left, then you would proceed with some caution. However never live your life by “rules”, life is too short. Be happy...

[LoU_Hades]

yes...
Sometimes you're the reason for the end of a relationship. However I had always the feel "she dumped him without any scruples, she will do that with you as well".
On the other hand I have never thought about a relationship in such long term perspectives like many other guys are doing that.

[Shelovesnick]

I definitely would as long as I can tell through actions that he’s really done with his ex! I say that bc I move on fast as well! U will know if ur a rebound or not after a while! For instance, y’all may have sex but y’all never go on a date or talk about anything really deep. It’s just all physical. Or he may bring up his ex alll the time! Im actually dating someone right now who just got out of a relationship in I believe February & there’s no doubt that he’s into m. We’re into eachother & I love it!!

[simplyaramdomgirl]

Short answer, no, I wouldn't. That person that just came out of a relationship is emotionally vulnerable and not ready at all to start something new. I could be there as emotional support, or some variant of that but not much more. Also, after being emotionally scared you can't start something meaningful. It would be a waste of time to try and start something with someone who isn't ready.

[lightbulb27]

might go on a date, but not date. people need time to process that junk or they just drag it forward. It's an interesting thing because they need love and support, which is fine, but dating is a different set of expectations. those emotions need fixed up or she's gonna be "needy", then expose her wounds, maybe go back, etc.. can be a mess.

[cobalt01]

Yes, but it depends on how it had ended etc. My last 2 relationships have in theory been over long before we actually split up. It happens all to often these days. Going on dates with someone is fine, just make sure they want you for you and nothing else. Remember that people don't usually play the long game. Take your time, as this will show you their true meaning towards you

[The_researcher]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[terrancemac34]

I wouldn't do it because, first of all it could be dangerous if you don't know nothing about the Ex and second I feel the person should make sure they give themselves time so they don't make the same mistake because time is valuable and you don't want to waste it on keeping starting over.

[GiovanniGentile]

No because on the off chance she realizes she still wants the old guy, you are screwed.
I have turned down rebounds, because women are emotionally unstable and users. She just needs someone to cling on to and will give her the attention and affection she needs at that moment.

[hahahmm]

Ask yourself how much your time is worth. The older you get the less you will want to invest time in something highly likely not to work out. In your 20s it seems like you have forever to experiment and learn.

[hahahmm]

So at my age, no I would not

[itsmicaelaxo]

If too recently, no. It's difficult because you might be the rebound. And how can you trust the other person? They clearly like you, but how to know if they're being honest with wanting to date your or not?

[Factshurt90]

I know I'm likely a rebound. I switch goals to having fun and easing their mind. The whole intent is usually to cover over the ex with someone new even if its short term. It's no big deal until well... it is! Honestly can smooth over that issue.

[Marrry]

I did before. I didn't know ofocurse that they broke up two months before. I asked and he lied it was one and half year. He hurt me he broke up wirh me and at the end I found out he was always in love with her
And what I was? Probably nothing...

[SarahsSummer]

I might but I wouldn't put any high expectations on it

[Asker]

Meaning?

[SarahsSummer]

Often times the next "relationship" after a break up is just rebound situation. Someone to help forget about the last one. Once that person has finally gotten over the last, they tend to be more clear headed and think more about what they want and whether the are actually ready for another serious relationship. Unfortunately the person in their life now isn't who they want in the long term and isn't aware of all the things going on in the mind of the newly broken up mate. and like i said, maybe they dont want anyone in the long term but its hard to decide those things immediately after a break up. So a warm body, someone to call or go out to dinner with is good enough. There's an old saying he she may not be mr/mrs right but they are mr/mrs right now. So I tend to be careful and TRY to not let myself get hurt.

[Asker]

I am dating someone who a week before us was in a breakup. 3 months into our relationship and I found out he used our relation to make her jealous when we first dated. It’s been 3 months now but I am still upset
He told me he shoved it in her face only for her to go away cause she was begging but he was literally having a convo with her right before he shoved it

[SarahsSummer]

Be careful. He’s not over her or didn’t get proper closure.

[Asker]

My ex broke up with his girlfriend about a week before we dated.
I found this convo on his phone a week after the breakup and while we were dating. Took place 3 months ago.
The convo was this
Her: “we can work through this. It was just a fight. I’m sorry for everything”
Him: “it’s over and was a shame. Cause you will make a good girlfriend for any guy if you just calmed down”
Her: “I was just insecure. Your exes wouldn’t leave you alone and I didn’t know how to handle it properly”
Him: “what a shame. Go away”
Her: “are you really in a new relation this quick. You were so controlling with who I could talk to. Yet look at this?”
Him: “yeah and let me rub it in your face some more. She is so amazing. Everything you and I went through I learned from. I’ve already met her whole family and they are amazing. I had an exam this weekend. If I didn’t I would be out of town with her”
Her: “you don’t deserve me”
Then a week later she cussed him out then they blocked eachother
It’s funny cause this happened months ago. But last month we had a discussion cause he was liking his exes family’s post. Yet he never knew them. He told me he would go block them. When he got there he found out they already blocked him. He just laughed.

[SarahsSummer]

that whole text exchange was just him be angry and her being remorseful. And why I dont think people should jump into new relationships immediately after a break up.
Ans tbh, he had to have had something going on with her before the breakup was official. Very messy situations when personal time isn't taken between relationships

[JDavid25]

No, been there done that, and it is not worth it.. Unless they were truly ready to move forward.. But other than that, nope..

[Asker]

How do you know if they aren’t ready?

[JDavid25]

I don't.. But I wouldn't want to take another chance with that.. Well, I mean if they talk about the ex a lot that's a good indicator..

[Asker]

What if in the beginning of the relation they rubbed y’alls new relation in their exes face. My boyfriend did that.

[JDavid25]

He is definitely not over her then.. It seems as if you are a rebound to get back at his ex, or have her wonderin..

[Asker]

But she wouldn’t leave him alone that’s the only reason he rubbed it in

[JDavid25]

Yeah, well I think he would want maybe get a restrainin order then rub the new girl in her face.. Lol..

[Asker]

The convo was this
Her: “we can work through this. It was just a fight. I’m sorry for everything”
Him: “it’s over and was a shame. Cause you will make a good girlfriend for any guy if you just calmed down”
Her: “I was just insecure. Your exes wouldn’t leave you alone and I didn’t know how to handle it properly”
Him: “what a shame. Go away”
Her: “are you really in a new relation this quick. You were so controlling with who I could talk to. Yet look at this?”
Him: “yeah and let me rub it in your face some more. She is so amazing. Everything you and I went through I learned from. I’ve already met her whole family and they are amazing. I had an exam this weekend. If I didn’t I would be out of town with her”
Her: “you don’t deserve me”
Then a week later she cussed him out then they blocked eachother
It’s funny cause this happened months ago. But last month we had a discussion cause he was liking his exes family’s post. Yet he never knew them. He told me he would go block them. When he got there he found out they already blocked him. He just laughed.

[JDavid25]

Well, from what you told me, maybe he is just weird, and kinda sentimental.. Although he didn't need to block the fam.. LOL.. But I guess I can't say he ain't over her.. She wasn't over him and he was just respondin I guess.. Well, you are good then. Me though I would definitely be careful with anybody out of a relationship, unless they didn't mention anything about they ex.. Not even negative things.. The negative things are a worse signals of not bein over an ex really..

[Asker]

So he isn’t over his ex. Is that what I’m hearing?

[JDavid25]

No he is.. Lol.. I was just sayin that he is weird, and sentimental.. Kina like me..

[Asker]

So the rubbing in her face was to just get her to go away?

[JDavid25]

Could be.. Or it could have been just him bein petty, and to show her that he is happy without her..