Why is it hard to find a date as an independent woman? Do men want women who are more dependent?

Question

I’m smart, I work full time, I have 2 bachelors, I’m in grad school, I’m pretty, I’m thick (but not big), and I’m a great cook. All of this, and I suck at meeting new people and getting a date. Whenever I do start dating someone, they break up with me after a few months to date someone else who is much younger (has happened the last 3 times I’ve dated someone). I get told I’m too independent and don’t rely on them enough, but I thought guys didn’t want a woman who’s too dependent? I just don’t get it, nor do I know where to look to find men who would be interested in me. And if I need to be more dependent, how would I even do that?

PlacentaSalad · Accepted Answer

To perhaps try and understand the apparently common complaint you've received by a few men so far: What a lot of women don't understand about men is that they like to be useful to you, and deciding to take everything upon yourself without asking him for advice or for help makes him feel as though he isn't providing for you. A lot of a man's value is tied to doing things for you that you can't otherwise do yourself, or if you can do it, allowing him to do it for you, anyway. It's the classic pickle jar scenario: handing him a jar that you can't open so that he can. You might think that this is silly, but it's how men are. We're born as only ever being loved under the condition that we can do something, so men strive to do something to get that love even if you CAN actually love him unconditionally.

We know that women pride themselves upon their independence and their "not needing a man" but men want to be needed despite how they may claim otherwise. You have to find a balance between "I'm just a girl, help me" and "I'm independent" because the latter is just eye-rolling while the former is cute.

Now, for the rest of it. . . I'm not sure about you specifically, but usually when women list their achievements and their lifestyle, in my experience it is done as a sort of projection because that's what they want in men as well. It's something that she takes more pride in than he really cares to feel proud of her for, especially on something like the first date where it's more about you as a potential wife and/or mother for children. And that's a big factor: do you want to be married? Do you want kids? You don't mention that at all, instead choosing to focus on other traits.

The reality is that men don't put as much importance in a woman having degrees or working full-time as what she does with him, and what we are seeing are a lot of women being disappointed when they are made aware to the statistics that over a majority of degree holders are now women. Your dating profile talking about your educational achievement just seems like a 'humble brag' to the average guy and he's going to look elsewhere because he knows that you might not be looking for a plumber. Even if you truly don't care, most men do not know that about you at first and since men are expected to initiate, they won't initiate with you.

The truth is that most women are average themselves and should be looking for average men. He might be working at Walmart still. Would you be willing to date a guy like that? Most women would answer no.

That isn't to say that men desire a lazy bum who just wants to lounge around the house all day while he has to work, but your having a full-time job, for example, isn't that important of a detail to include because it's to be expected of somebody your age. College degrees not so much as most people don't really NEED to go to college, especially not to get two bachelor's degrees and a master's or PhD. Not to say that you're wasting your time and money there, but a lot of men don't care about it, and those that do will have quite a lot of ladies to choose from.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

I think all the things you listed about yourself are great qualities.

I never went for helpless women who were waiting around for a man to support them and act like their daddy. All of my girlfriends supported themselves and didn't ask me for a thing. All they wanted was a relationship. Not friends with benefits, an exclusive relationship with mutual love and adoration, respect, genuine regard, enjoyment of each other's company, and sexual attraction.

My wife has a career. She had two when we met. In fact she had several good careers in her life. She's go getter.

I admire her skills, knowledge and interests. And her money comes in handy.

That being said, I do really like being admired by her. She asks me questions and thinks I'm smart. Of course I listen to her as well. She's smart and has great intuition.

She also thinks I can do anything. I can fix things in the house, build things, carry heavy objects, do hard work, reach things that are high up. It's not that she couldn't manage without me, but she loves my manly qualities.

I also make her feel safe and secure.

On our first date, we met at a restaurant. We got along amazingly well. The conversation just flowed and time disappeared. We didn't realize that the restaurant was closed until a waiter started vacuuming under our table.
So we walked to our cars in the restaurant parking lot and continued talking.
When we went to leave, we discovered that the gate had been locked. So I hopped over the 6' cinder bock wall and got someone from the restaurant to let us out.
She came up to me, looked up into my eyes, put her hands on top of my shoulders, rose up on her tip toes, and gave me a soft, tender, lingering kiss while her body pressed against mine.

It wasn't until later, when I heard her telling her friends how we met, that I realized that she thought I was Superman for hopping over that wall and "rescuing" her.

Why is it hard to find a date as an independent woman? Do men want women who are more dependent?

It hadn't been a big thing to me. I had almost forgotten about it. But being her hero made me puff out my chest and feel ten feet tall.

Guys like that shit.

A woman can be smart, capable and independent, but she should also act a little bit fragile and feminine with a guy.
"Golly, you're so big and strong" (picture a southern belle batting her eyes), "What would a little ol' gal like me have done if you hadn't come along?"
Of course I'm exaggerating and being silly to make a point.

But I do love it when she slips her little hand trustingly into mine when we are walking, or leans into me when we have our arms around each other. Or when she gazes up at me innocently with a certain degree of admiration.

That kind of thing makes my heart swell. Beyond that, I don't need a woman to be submissive or dependent.

Does that make sense?

I have to add that it's a two way street. As I said, I admire and adore my wife and show it. I help her with her endeavors and she helps me. We inspire each other. Neither one of us is the boss. Both of us are too bull headed for that. We're a team.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

It's not. I don't have problems finding dates and -- as you can see from my posts and questions, I'm an independent and outspoken sort of humanitarian person.

It's nice that you have all these skills, but realistically a guy isn't going to meet you for the first time seeing that you can cook, though. He's not going to see all your degrees (and frankly it's rare for a guy to ask about such details when you're first meeting)...

The only thing a guy notices when he's first meeting you are your looks and your charisma (or lack of charisma). So you should ask yourself if you're dressing and acting in a way that properly showcases your looks and charisma.

Other things to keep in mind: (1) Not every guy is intimidated by a smart girl, but WATCH for the ones who want a SMART WORKHORSE so they can mooch off you... (I fell into that trap.) (2) There are guys who will butter you up and flatter but have many shortcomings so there's no ROI to forming a relationship with them... (3) There ARE guys who are genuinely interested in smart pretty gals... just be patient and keep putting yourself out there.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It’s not that men don’t like independent women, a lot of men do. But a lot of men like to feel useful, and more importantly, needed, because it makes them feel manly. Picture the classic pickle jar scenario. I could open the pickle jar myself, or I can ask my husband to help open it for me. It’s not about me being capable of doing it myself, but instead it’s about him displaying his strength for my benefit.
Being smart, independent, and accomplished is not a bad thing, but it can intrude on our femininity. Men are drawn to feminine women because they bring out their masculinity.

MrOracle · Answer

How many men have you heard of in your entire life who complained about women not being independent enough? If that number is more than 3, I'd be shocked, but a few exceptions always exist. . But literally hundreds of millions of men have been telling women for decades that being independent not only doesn't make them more attractive, it's a liability in the eyes of a man.

You can't be independent without taking on masculine traits - it's not possible - but masculine traits make you a bad choice of partner for a masculine man (but if you are looking for a weak soy boy to boss around, then it's fine).

Feminism has been lying to women, and teaching women to become men instead of attracting men, and that's no accident - feminist leaders have made it quite clear that they are against Male-female relationships in any form, but especially traditional ones. Feminism has taught you that the things you find attractive and valuable in a man are things that men also value and desire in women, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

Men value youth, sexual purity, inexperience/innocence, being family oriented (rather than career oriented), femininity, and loyalty. And no where on this list will you find things like education, degrees, career, income, or independence. It's not that men are against those things generally, but they are against women spending their most valuable years pursuing education and career - which have an opportunity window of 40-50 years - instead of a family, when the fertility window is only 20 years on average with the biological ideal being about a 10 year window.

Even men who don't want kids don't want a masculine, "independent" woman because of their well-earned reputation for taking taking taking while never being satisfied, and then doing her best to destroy the man on the way out of the relationship. The man can kill himself trying to please her but one minor setback and "she's not happy" and it's all for nothing. When men hear "independence woman", they translate that as "NOT relationship material".

This isn't anything against you personally - I recognize that you have been taught wrong, but you can't blame men for that. Women run education at every level and have been setting the agenda for decades. Feminism never wanted you to succeed in relationships - they want you to be a nice independent wage slave that can be taxed and indoctrinated. That's why early Feminism was funded by the ultra wealthy - it allowed them to both influence women and drive down the cost of labor by doubling the supply.

V_Injector · Answer

I don't think it's about you being so 'Independent' at all. It just most likely is not.

In fact, I think some men would value a woman that does not place such a high monetary demand on him as a bimbo with no job, car, or aspirations such as you.

Here is the thing though... you did all that work and now demand even more than the average bimbo with no job, car, or aspirations don't you?

If I took some average 5 out of 10 man and you had to be with him, would his situation, his day-to-day life, be better with you or her?

The answer to that question is why men don't want to stick with it after they've hit it, and is why they choose to quit it.

Avicenna · Answer

Well, I'd ask you where you're meeting these guys and how old they are. Are they professionals and/or are they fellow students? You may simply not have had enough in common with them and there may have not been a nexus between your expectations for the relationship.

kylee2437 · Answer

I agree with @lazerbean. Having all of those are great, however do you think your independence makes it hard to be a team player in a sense? Like do the guys always have to pay, make plans, etc?

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Oh gawd... all the things you list...

Smart... could be a + or a major - depending on your ego about it.

Works full time... men dont usually get money from women so why would I give a fuck?

Degrees... again... why would I care about that? That is literally stuff women look for in men to determine how much money he might make so she can take it.

In grad school... you paying this school debt off or just racking up more debt. Why hasn't the other degrees made you enough money yet?

Pretty... look... that's very objective and big ole fat corn fed, waddle when they walk chicks say they're pretty while saying they're "curvy" while really just being fat.

Thick... Did I just describe you above? Woman, where's your picture?

Great cook... now that could be a good thing.

Now that I'm done with the list part... time for the story part. So you've been hooking up with dudes, they leave you for younger chicks... how old are you? These dudes at least your age or above? You've done been told you're too independent and then you're just confused about everything after that. Allow me to process that for a second...

Too independent... or to argumentative and man-like, trying to dominate?

I highly suspect you're a girl-boss with an annoying ass ego and attitude. Fed the feminist lie that becoming a man will somehow make men respect you in a relationship type way. If I'm correct, I have the answer for you to find a long term relationship.

You need a man that would depend on you for money. He probably can't support himself and is a bit dumb. Like, he can't even figure out how to find work. You don't even really want him to work because then he'd get strong and independent and leave you just like the other men did. He would submit to your girl boss ways because he has nowhere else to go. You could buy him workout equipment and turn him into your trophy man. Tell him to wash the dishes because he don't do shit.

See... you stepped into a role. A role men are pretty much expected to take. Okay... that's fine miss thang, but now the counter to your role is the type of man that would be more like most dependent and subservient women. Don't think your shit is going to fly with a dominant man, that has his own money, and probably just wants to relax around a woman after a day of putting up with the same shit you probably do at your work.

Or... you can always get gay and look for a woman with the same traits as the man I described above.

I hope the best for your future mate finding ventures.

Fireguy17 · Answer

nope I like independent women.
I am gone a lot, from April through the end of October I work out of town a lot, I work odd hours and can be called in a moment's notice.
I do not have the time to hold her hand through things make sure she can do whatever needs to be done.
Many people have a harder time with people that are independent, as they can function just fine without the other person, and for many that is a very large stumbling block.
Once you can get over that it is fine.
My wife and I appreciate the time we have together.
Case in point: I did not need her to come to the hospital the other day to pick me up after I broke my leg on a fire scene, I told her that the chief was coming and he would drive me home, only if I was able to wear pants because for some odd reason he didn't want my ass on his seat.
So there was no reason for her to take off work and spend time waiting at the hospital.
She was fine with that.
You will find the right person, it took me a while.

Miristheiss · Answer

Feminism.

Denying your own, natural femininity and instinct to reproduce and have your own family to forgo marriage, forgo starting a family when you are young. Degrees (men do not give a shit about that), career, long hours, acting like a man instead of a woman. Being promiscuous and selfish and hedonistic.

God made it to where a pregnacy occurs when a man and woman have sex. It was normal to marry and for them raise a family. The pill was made and society has shifted to where promiscuity, careers and the break down of families are the way now.

Women, in mass, choose work and denying their feminine instinct to have loose, casual sex, get degrees, work long hours, put off marriage and family. Women act like men and think that makes them attractive.

Go woo your men with a bunch of degrees, your independence and giving husband perks to 10-20 men. 30 years old and still barren and unwed.

Yeah birth control pills and feminism. The era of total selfishness and hedonism.

Anonymous · Answer

This seriously depends on the man. Look…. Don’t hate a man for wanting something different then you are. We are all different and trying to find our special someone. When I do have a problem is when someone thinks everyone should change themselves because they can’t find who fits their wants/needs.

Just like every woman is different so is every man. Some dudes want a woman who can’t even wipe her own ass. But what do I get out of a relationship like this?

Look people reject you and that is what it is. As long as they’re honest it hurts but wish them well. Don’t be bitter with them because they probably aren’t meant to be.

I don’t know what being thick has to do with anything. I mean if you want to get sexual before marriage you will chase a lot of men who aren’t mean Whores off. I digress on that.

Look….. don’t try to impress ALL men. Instead focus on finding your soulmate. When you are…. You. Some people aren’t going to like you. It doesn’t matter. Because you’ll attract who genuinely likes you for you.

This is why you dare to see who you are and aren’t compatible with. Like I said maybe those dudes are looking for something different. It doesn’t make you bad and ir doesn’t make them bad. Ir depends on the way they went about it.

Anonymous · Answer

Deep down a lot of men want a girl who wants a family. To get married, have kids, stay home w the kids. But many of us can’t say that because we get attacked for what we want in a partner, our preferences. The things you described benefit you, not us as men. Men, w the exception of a few, don’t depend on women financially. That’s not part of what most men know about being a man. We don’t look to women for security, whether it’s financially or physically. That isn’t a trait that makes women more appealing to men. To women it does. That may be part of female nature. Which I get. A lot of women are taught that her money is her money, his money is our money. A majority of men don’t mind paying for things. Where we do mind is when it comes to someone who isn’t even trying to reciprocate in some way. That’s when men feel like they’re being used. It doesn’t have to be financial as far as reciprocation. Maybe some nice gestures, appreciation, cooking him meals, etc. More than likely you have masculine traits, not an attractive thing in women. Men don’t want to come home to another “man” who’s argumentative. I take it too that w you’re two bachelors degrees you’re making a descent amount of money. So more than likely you want a man who makes as much as you or more, which disqualifies a lot of men. Especially those that are actually on your level look wise.

Anonymous · Answer

Let's be honest, you have a type. I'm a single guy with a bachelors degree, a masters degree, two jobs, have my own place, have my own car, and other stuff, good healthy, spiritual, easy going, cook good food, spontaneous, like to travel, in shape, decent looking... but lets be real, you would most likely reject a guy like me because you expect something better and more, and thats fine to a certain extent. But it will also cause problems in the future finding a guy. Guys have given up on dating, not because we're scared but because we don't have time or effort to know that we will get rejected. For me, approaching a girl and saying hi and asking for her social media to add her and dm her later to do something is pointless because she will say no. What I mentioned is the equivalent of asking a poor person for money, you already know the outcome before they say anything and that's the case with guys we have given up on dating. I'm not intimidated by an independent woman. Women and girls have to stop with that notion, yes, the small percentage of men or guys who might are narcissistic assholes that girls and women often love. The respectful dudes who admire a woman's hard work while he also works hard himself are usually the guys an independent woman dislikes and will friend zone him and say "he's not my type".

Anonymous · Answer

Ah, the ubiquitous "I'm an independent woman and men don't like me because I'm independent" lament. I'm going to give you some truth here. Men don't give a rat's ass whether you're independent, but any woman who walks around with "I'm a strong, independent woman" tattooed on her forehead is always going to be off putting to the vast majority of normal, self respecting men. It's a very distasteful vibe, and it doesn't take long for men to sense your vibe.

Let me ask you this... how would you feel about a man who feels the need to proclaim "I'm a strong, independent man"? Pretty weird, eh? Why would you think it's any different for women? Being independent just means you have a job, an apartment, a car, you can pay your own bills... it's called adulting, and any normal person does it. It's kind of like a child boasting "I can tie my own shoes" or "I wipe my own ass now".

Women who are hung up on being independent, and especially those who try to make a point of it, are unpleasant at best. I can't stand being around them because they have that "I don't need a man" attitude. Guess what, as a man I don't need a woman who doesn't need a me. There is no place in my life for her. Good relationships are based on needing each other. No self-respecting man who doesn't feel needed in a long-term relationship is going to stick around.

I'll give you another hint. Men show their love by doing things for their mate (and their children for that matter). If you're so "independent" that you don't give him opportunities to show his love by doing things for you, he'll feel useless and unappreciated before long and you'll find yourself alone... again.

Anonymous · Answer

Do not become more dependent on a man. There are a lot of misogynistic cavemen that infest this site and many of them do not want a woman with the self-respect to stand up for themselves or a woman they know can be just fine on her own. They feel worthless if you aren't a helpless little fawn that they can rescue to make themselves feel important. There are plenty of decent guys on this site too but a lot stuck in the 18th century who want you to be their stay at home baby factory and can't stand the inadequacy they feel when you are a perfectly functional and successful adult on your own. It is their problem, not yours. You'll find a decent one.

RingOfFire · Answer

I don't think there is any payoff in trying to be "more dependent." So right off the bat I would eliminate that strategy. You have to be who you are and making that kind of change is not consistent with what I just read.

I do think that especially in your age range, men are sizing women up as potential wives and mothers. It seems rational to conclude that a woman with a million irons in the fire -- career, school, etc. -- is going to have less time and propensity for family building and might not be a good candidate.

But it's very hard to tell without knowing you. There could be some other thing going on that makes them hesitate. Very hard to tell through this medium.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

It's kinda the opposite, some guys like being providers and providing for their wife and kids if there's kids, if they told you that then they have the preference that maybe they want a traditional woman, I'm sure there's some that don't care tho, you just gotta run into those.

Anonymous · Answer

Be 100% independient. Have your own house and car and bank account under your name. Own most things with YOUR NAME. Keep a great sum of money saved up somewhere for your worst case scenario.

And if you want a relationship with a masculine man. Make sure to PRETEND to be broke and dependent on someone. Pretend to not have money or anything.

here's why: Most narcissist males want to have full control of you and be able to cheat without the danger of you leaving them.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/pegZ7XUGocY

👆 WATCH, all these dependent trad wives regret not having their own money, house and car to their name. Their long term husbands left them in ruin!

Dont listen to anyone else tradwife is a TERRIBLE idea , pushed by demonic males!

osmanthus · Answer

Have you tried arranged marriage events?

If it's just a date you want, then there are plenty of men out there who are non-commital and would date a more independent woman any day. There are men out in the dating world who want women who are more dependent on them and that's their preference; everyone has their preferences. It's best not to try to fit a shoe that wasn't meant for you, meaning, "Don't try to change yourself for an outcome if it's not going to make you happy in the long run." If you feel that you're not meant for marriage, then so be it. If you feel that you just want a boy-toy, run with it. At any rate, these men see that you're likely leaning towards trophy wife territory rather than domestic servant arena. Don't worry, there are men out there who want that as much as you might.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

Independence is a must for me. I don't want some simpering helpless woman who can't do anything for herself.

On the other hand, there is such a thing as TOO independent. A relationship is a joint effort. It's a union. TOO much independence makes it too one-sided and borders on selfishness.

Something sounds odd here though. A guy actually saying that you don't rely on him enough is pretty strange. You imply that multiple guys have said that. I find that even stranger. If they really are saying such things, then you seem to be latching up with very strange men. Maybe try different tactics and a different crowd.

RavVid · Answer

I don't wish to be rude but I think I would find you insufferable.

People with tickets on themselves often are. It is pretty clear you want to be seen a particular way which spells attitude to me and uncomfortable to be with.

As to independent, what does that mean? You pay your electricity bill. That is minimum standard to be functional. How many guys say they are independent? That's right 0.

People who tell you they are smart often aren't and always less than they try to imply. The bell curve ensures that of people around you, some will have a higher IQ and some will have lower. You aren't going to be greatly special.

Male mate selection criteria hasn't changed for millennium. Smart and independent aren't on the list. Nor is dependent. If you want a guy, you pretty much have to a be a girl with qualities men want.

HighValue · Answer

Working full time AND being in grad school likely means that you don't have much time to spend together, or you aren't available when they want to spend time together. That is what I think the problem would be. I know back when I worked full time and was in school more than full time at the same time, I had barely any time to do anything else, so a relationship was out of the question.

How long until you finish school so the only thing taking away from your available time would be one job?

Also, do you have lots of student loan debt? Because that can cause many men to lose interest too.

Staximus · Answer

You work full time and you're in grad school. Most people do one or the other but not both at the same time. Maybe the problem is that you don't really have time to have much of a relationship. Maybe that's why the guys in the past left or the guys you meet are put off. If you want to be Miss Ambitious and try to put 10 pounds of shit in the 5 pound bag of life, something is going to suffer. Your sleep and health, or your social and romantic life are usually the first things to go. So if you want a serious relationship, you have to have time to dedicate to one and you may not at this present juncture.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

I don't really understand the you're too independent after a few months of dating but once you get to my age you kind of expect everyone's independent or at least capable of it.

I personally want a family and one income household so the girl being independent doesn't matter at all to me if she's willing to go that route once we're at that level in the relationship. I don't think most men want what I described or plan a one income household so I don't think that's the reason.

I think you might've just had a bad run of luck but maybe you can evaluate where or how you've been trying to meet men and find a different approach

BetaBucks · Answer

Being independent in not a value to most men. Being feminine, attractive and a contributor are really what 99% of guys are looking for. If you have those things, independent or codependent, you'll have guys lining up for you.

HawkPerception · Answer

I have some questions. What do you expect from a guy financially? Do you expect a man to make equal or more than you? What do you expect him to bring to the table in a relationship in general if anything at all? Basically what are your standards for a guy?

Anonymous · Answer

Be hot, nice and fun and you'll have all the dating options you could ever need. No one cares about your "independence" unless that's code for "I'm a disagreeable pain in the ass" which unfortunately it often is, in which case it's a real negative. In much the same way as "thick" or "curvy" are often euphemisms for "morbidly obese" or "she has a great personality" is a euphemism for "she's ugly as sin" the term "strong independent woman" can be seen as a red flag. NOT because guys have any issue with ACTUAL strong, independent women, but because the label is more often abused than used correctly.

To summarize, guys LIKE:
Smart, strong, independent women
Thick/curvy girls
Girls with great personalities

However they DISLIKE:
Disagreeable pains in the ass
Morbidly obese chicks
Girls who are ugly as sin

Katebfun · Answer

Because back in the day we had hard working masculine men and beautiful women. Nowadays we have beautiful women and hard working women. Yiur degrees and all that. Job etc.. most men I've dated/men don't care or put too much emphasis on that. They want a good, loyal women who respects him.

lightbulb27 · Answer

If that's the issue, just find out what his love language is and feed him that. Guys like to feel useful and valuable... e. g. they want respect. the woman wants to be loved. of course we all want love, but respect is important.
asking him to help... or thanking him for whatever, that helps build connection and engagement.

so don't be too independent as in "i don't need you for anything".

people date and breakup for various reasons, you aren't the only one.

Drewtate · Answer

Because you are independent. In other words you won't belong to a man and will never let a man belong to you. Also you describe yourself as an independent woman like its some major achievement when all it actually means is that you are an adult over the age of 18 who has a job and pays her own bills etc.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I heard a lot online about, If you never let a guy be in  hero mode  he won't grow a deep connection to you. Not sure how true that is but you might want to consider it, in your next relationship. You don't need to tell him your troubles guys usually don't like that but little things they can help or solve for you, they enjoy doing.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I see no negatives in anything you said. I don't think independence is actually the reason you're having a hard time despite what you are being told (though I have no idea what the reason actually is because you only talked about prestige, not personality, hobbies, interests, lifestyle, goals etc. which are crucial to matching with someone).

There simply isn't enough information in your post to suggest a viable solution.
Could you elaborate?

blueonblack22 · Answer

There is a big difference between going around saying you are an independent woman vs actually showing you are independent.

Most men actually respect the latter but are (rightfully) annoyed with the former.

MisterWack · Answer

Could it be that you are just not getting dates for reasons other than being “independent”. I’m a guy, if a woman is kind, nice, compassionate, has good character, looks attractive, also is respectable knows where her priorities are, super supportive I’d date her no matter independent or dependent I’d give her a chance.

Could be some reason with energy, vibe, or body language. Everyone is different and I don’t know why men don’t gravitate toward you could be a lot of factors.

Pohjolan · Answer

So of your exes 1/3 was deadbeat and 2/3 were fuckboys?

And I want a man who’s either educated or has his licensing in a trade.

I think its just that you want a guy that plenty of other gals want too. I mean one of them left you for a 19 years old.

Maybe be a bit more agressive the next time you have a crush on someone?

IslaTheWitch · Answer

can we switch or something? Since I'm separated I got definitely too much attention from men... and I'm independent, I don't look for relationships and I definitely discourage everyone who wants to approach me...

Starrrboy · Answer

I don't think they're leaving you for being independent... just from reading, I kinda got the vibe that you're like tomboyish and a bit standoffish.. maybe you give too much masculine energy... so, it's understandable they leave for a younger damsel in distress...

KrisKris81 · Answer

If anything the issue might be over achieving. Nothing wrong with that, just a bit intimidating if you are are below that mark - especially for a guy. Trying to be the protector of a woman so far above you might lead to feelings of subordination or insignificance.

MikeyObrien · Answer

I think it's because you're looking at it through a female perspective of attraction. Being independent, academically. educated, and high earning are mainly things women are attracted to. Men are mostly attracted to women who are fit, feminine, and friendly with no kids and youthful. Not saying you aren't any of those things by the way, I don't know you.

Apple1996 · Answer

Most men don't like "independent" women. It's more the attitude that's unattractive. Not necessarily them being independent

LazerBean · Answer

No, being a capable woman does not at all make it harder to date. But coming off as a woman who is bad at team playing (which is a huge necessity in a serious relationship) will make it hard.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

We want an independent woman BUT, we also want to know we come first. Like when you have a child, they become your sole responsibility, well, when someone enters your life, they want to know that they're your first priority, not your job, not anything else

Ladsin2 · Answer

Men don’t particularly care for independent women. Men provide for women and always have. Independent, money, degrees are all things women look for in men. If you’re looking to find a man I think you should try to figure out what men want. Beauty, kindness, and respect are pretty much universal attraction triggers to men.

Anonymous · Answer

I read your response to the woman shaming and insulting men for liking what we like and having preferences too. Apparently women seem to think what men want from a relationship is unimportant. Shaming men for having their own wants, needs and desires and probably being an insufferable feminist who brags about being independent, all the while only considering the top 5% of guys as being "worthy" of you is exactly why you're alone.

Anonymous · Answer

Independent is usually womanspeak for "I'm a biznatch". Guys generally don't dig biznatches.

Guys dog PEACE above all. You might get away with it up till 30. But after 30 women would rather have peace then deal with a woman who makes his life harder.

alice55 · Answer

Men hate dependent women that for sure they call them clingy and gold digger

Anonymous · Answer

Could be many reasons

You're ugly/unattractive?

You're boring?

You smell bad?

You have a bad personality?

You're stuck up?

Most guys would chose a woman with a sweet personality over one that has a bachelor's. To them it doesn't matter much.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Is Not hard! Is just you being "lucky" to find all the "innapropriate" for your being... that's all.🤷‍♂️

ProbablyClueless · Answer

The issue isn't how dependent or independent she is; the issue is how appreciated she makes the men feel. Super independent women don't make men feel appreciated.

genericname85 · Answer

So if you're saying "independent", do you mean independent of their parents like every normal adult? Or are you speaking about something else?

Levin · Answer

Depedency is not good. But are you feminine in your manner?

Anonymous · Answer

If someone were to ask you whether you are feminine or more masculine, what is your immediate answer?

Unit1 · Answer

Don't sweat it. I don't see how that "being too dependent/independent" in this context makes any sense either.

gorydetails · Answer

No one cares how many degrees you have. Do you take it in the butt?

MrGSpotHer · Answer

You shouldn't change maybe you are just finding the wrong types for you, I'd not want a women that needs me for support I wouldn't be able to where money is concerned

JesseP1nk · Answer

You have feminists to thank for that.

Emanon25 · Answer

It’s not hard, it takes some time to find the right person, rushing things won’t get the right person or goal.

handsomelad70 · Answer

It's EXTREMELY hard to find a relationship as an outstandingly handsome black man who won't look at the fat, b****y broads who abound today

jahaims · Answer

Because independent women try to emulate masculinity which is a turn off. We don't care what your job etc. is.

Texaskid1 · Answer

Men want women that iron shirts, make sandwiches , and speak when spoken to.

msc545 · Answer

Most men don't want a woman who labels herself an independent woman because that usually leads to trouble.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

If you are a modern woman, basically those "independent women", then you can give those modern men a shot.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I love low-maintenance women. They usually don't mind that I'll spend 8 hours learning songs.

Why is it hard to find a date as an independent woman? Do men want women who are more dependent?

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Why can’t men find women to date?

Why is it hard to find a date as an independent woman? Do men want women who are more dependent?

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Why can’t men find women to date?

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