I am looking for her?

[Anonymous]

I was in a relationship for 2 years and it was a good relationship but we broke up. After that every girl I see to be in a relationship I am looking for her. It is not just about the appearance, it s about the chacracter as well. Everyting I am looking for from a girl was in her chacracter. I really liked her character. Is that a bad thing or a good thing? Or I just can't forget my girlfriend?

What I am gonna supposed to do? How should I react this?

[DishLady]

None of my business, but was she your first? Many times we look for either the IDENTICAL person from a great first relationship (which of course doesn't usually happen bc everyone is different) OR we look for the OPPOSITE person from a bad first relationship (which sometimes works and sometimes fails).

Try this exercise, which helped me a bit when I was going through something similar:

• Make a list of the traits you LOVED about that person... ALL the things you loved about her, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically, even socially. It doesn't matter how small or silly the detail might seem, just write it all out.
• Make a list of the traits you loved about yourself while you were with the person... Again, ALL the little things, no matter how silly they seem. How she made you feel, how far you were willing to go to please her, what efforts she contributed to pleasing you... etc. etc.
• Make a list of things that caused you to split... Remember that you're not in one another's lives anymore for a reason. Be realistic, aim at understanding where the pitfalls and shortcomings were. What traits you and she had that interfered with the continuation of the relationship.
• Make a list of traits you'd LIKE to have in a future girlfriend/so but perhaps didn't have with this Miss Perfect that you've put in a comparative pedestal...

Now you have your little guidebook about what works for you and what doesn't. With each new relationship you start, do this again, ok? Like a working journal. (I know, I know, "guys don't keep journals"/"journals are for girls"... but this shit works, ok? Just do it.)

This is part of your healing process so you can move on to find a nice girl in the future.

Hope this helps!

[Asker]

I am apperaciate for your help but as you said this is for girls. I dont whether it helps. I m confused. And isn't it being mathematical a love? Love can't be mathematical that is odd.. And that wasn't my first girlfriend no. It was second girlfriend of mine... As I said I m appreaciate for your help. But I don t know it can be may help

[DishLady]

I pointed out that this was the best way for you to do it... The "this is for girls" was sarcastic... Just try it.

[avery58]

You shouldn't look for anyone else till you move on, because it's not fair to the other girls you meet to live in the shadow of a ghost. They're their own person, with their own traits both positive and negative.

[Asker]

Am I not moving on?

[avery58]

Not if you're still comparing others to her. If you're trying to move on then you should just completely leave her in the past.

[Asker]

Ok...

[noohair]

I can't grow if I live in the past. I live going forward.

[Countrygirl777]

she might had been in your soulmate tbh with u her appearance shouldn't mean nothing to u because appearance changes. But her personality and her heart and her character should mean everything to u

[Asker]

Yeah ıt was

[Countrygirl777]

Yeppers

[midnightmoon05]

You haven’t moved on.