Should I Tell My Friend I’m Done with His Games or Just Ghost?

[Anonymous]

So, for a few months my friend and I were catching up and everything was going great. Until one night I “made” him feel rejected by me and they started to distance themselves. They told me they didn’t want to be friends anymore. Okay whatever. Then they started doing weird stuff like calling me at 2 AM. Posting on their social media where I could see it. A week ago, he randomly texted me after ignoring my last two texts to them and said “hey, how have you been? I’ve been drinking heavily for a while. I still don’t feel like myself”. Okay, reasonable. Sometimes people isolate when they’re using substances and going through a rough time. So, I basically told them sorry to hear that and what else is new and he told me, but then he had the audacity to also mention how’s he’s been talking to many women. I contemplated what to do, but the next day I just said “Sounds like you’ve been busy. What are you doing for work?”.

Here’s my issue. We’ve been friends for years. He’s always considered me a friend but has also expressed interest in me a few times over the years. I have never reciprocated it until now. And now he wants to play games and have his ego get in the way. Hence the rubbing women in my face. I do have feelings, but I don’t want to date him at this time. And am sick of his games. He’s clearly just pulling games because he’s emotionally unavailable and can’t be vulnerable. Should I even tell him that I’m done with his games and that if he wants to be friends again, he knows where to find me or just ghost him? I doubt this is the last time he’ll try to reach out. But I feel like I should actually convey that I cannot tolerate this any further. I’ve been nice long enough.

[ohsheeT]

I think you should just goes to him if he wants to be your friend let him prove it to you by getting a hold of you.

And if he asks you why just tell him what you feel if you walk away if you ghost him you're showing him how strong you are and that you don't need him in your life. To be happy..

In a way
. You're telling him this is about you and how you're being treated. Is not cool and he needs to respect you you have to do something bold sometimes for guys to see who they are and see how they're acting..

If you tell him what you're going to do then you're still letting him in don't allow that let him prove it to you what he wants or who he is even though he just in the last past few weeks have been proven who he is

[Asker]

So, you’re saying don’t say anything? Just let silence answer all? I just don’t even think it should be that way. If we’re supposed to be the friends he claimed we were. I just am sick of the games. I just want to be upfront. I think me saying I kind of liked him went to his head.

[ohsheeT]

No it really shouldn't be that way but at least if you're quiet then he has to prove himself to you on who he really is what he really wants or he can really just be a friend I mean that's what friends do they communicate and that way he can explain himself whether he's doing what he's doing or maybe you're looking at it in a different light but let him be in charge of what and who he's really trying to be if you send him a message then basically you're guiding him in a way to feed off of your words... Maybe say what he thinks that you want him to say

[ohsheeT]

Also try to remember some men are men but they are men boys LOL... They put it in their head what they want and if they don't get it they pout or become a jerk because they don't know how to handle rejection even though it's not rejection it's just that they can't get what they want but they look at it as rejection. And when this happens they play little games being cold distant and kind of a smart-ass it's their way of trying to hurt you without just doing it but it makes him look like a dick and they don't understand that

[Asker]

Well, I think you’re right. I did end up messaging him because I think I need to hold a boundary and some ground. I just basically said “I care about you. But I’m finding it hard to deal with the mixed signals. I understand you need space and time, but I need to focus on my own well-being too. If you want to re-connect, I’m here. Take care.” And yeah, he’s definitely doing some sort of game. I know he felt rejected and he can’t handle it. So, now he wants to be like this. I’m just going to give him time and if he wants to be friends again, he can come to me. However, I do not want to deal with this behavior from him again. And I want to try to prevent that as much as possible.

[ohsheeT]

Well it sounds like you have a good heart and you have tried. It kind of sounds like he doesn't understand or knows what he wants

[Nikki1989]

You don't owe him anything.

[Asker]

It wouldn’t be to owe him. But for my own sanity and to make myself clear. No games.