Do you think there is any truth to the saying “you can’t love other people until you love yourself”?

[Anonymous]

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Yes, I think there's some truth to it. Essentially, it's establishing personhood for ourselves in our own mind, without judgement. Contrary to popular belief (particularly in fundamentalist circles), it is actually very difficult to truly love ourselves. The reason? We know everything about ourselves. But instead of sitting with ourselves with empathy and compassion, we'd do anything rather than acknowledge the flaws. Or, in another extreme, only focus on the flaws. We beat ourselves up or excuse ourselves or both, and neither is a healthy pattern. People engage in dozens of unhealthy behaviors and thought processes to avoid facing the truth of who they are, and if they ever do get to a point where they can't escape, often suicide becomes appealing.

I don't mean this in a shallow, cliche' "Just Luv Yo-self, Hon" way. To learn and face who we are honestly and diligently is the toughest thing we'll ever do. There will be things we don't like. There will be things we like, but that we are too scared to own. But once we own it, we can build on it.

If we can accept the person we are, we have a starting point to begin to really understand what makes us tick on the deepest levels. But we have such an emphasis on production and work and happy faces in the US that very few people have the opportunity to do that without a major life change. But it is such a worthwhile investment; I'd venture to say it is the single most important investment an individual can make.

For example, if we know we are lazy and just accept that, it moves us out of stress mode when it comes to that area of our life. Once we are out of stress mode, we can begin to get curious about why we are lazy. We might even learn that we aren't lazy at all. We may be burnt out and over-committed. But we can never learn that unless we first accept, acknowledge, and allow. There are lots of things like that. But again, we can't fix it until we recognize that it exists. Otherwise, it's just renting soulspace for free.

So yes, I think there's truth to it, based on that understanding. Just my perspective! :D

[kylee2437]

No. I think it becomes harder to put your best foot forward, but that doesn’t invalidate how someone feels. Love is a feeling, and just because someone doesn’t put their best foot forward doesn’t mean they don’t love someone.

[HawkPerception]

It's a nonsense notion that's been trending lately. People think it's wise because it sounds that way, but it lacks any logic. Firstly, less than half of Americans feel happy or satisfied with their lives. Does that mean they're undeserving of love and can't love others? Absolutely not. Our families and loved one teach us through experience about what it feels like to be loved and we're all capable of reciprocating those feelings back.

Some people may require some effort to get out of a negative phase, some more so than others, but that's where relationships can come in. Partners are there to support each other through thick and thin. You should be able to lean on your partner. Humans are social creatures and we help each other get by in life by supporting each other. If you refuse to let anyone in, that's on you. But if you choose to allow someone in, it can be a good outlet for you. When something negative happens in your day, you have someone to rant to or to cuddle with and just forget everything. It's not just the negatives. You share good experiences in life with them too. Experiences always seem better when you have someone to share it with.

Let me be clear that there is an extent to which you can be negative though. You can't be negative 24/7. It gets draining, even for a very supportive partner. You have to TRY your best to be more positive in life, and try to be strong sometimes, even for others. You know the saying... fake it till you make it.

But no... anyone who says "You have to love yourself before someone else will" is completely wrong and I would go so far as to say they do not have a philosophical inclination.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/gMgfGvMS6a4https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hd8GrXs5HtI

[ohsheeT]

More than 500 different types of love. And you would think Love is Love.. . But you have to love yourself first when doing so you have boundaries that you would not cross and when you understand those and when you're with somebody else... You understand those boundaries even deeper...

When you love yourself you understand the way that you want to be treated so saying that you also would learn how to treat others no matter the circumstance that is happening. ... Unconditional love is most beautiful love because there is a trust in a bond that are respect and a happiness that comes with it

The thing about love is you can only love somebody as deep as you have experienced it.. . But that's what loving yourself and growing and loving somebody else is all about is understanding it and becoming it becoming one with each other because it is very beautiful thing especially if you make it work

[ManOnFire]

That is absolutely true. In order to love someone else it requires you to love and respect your own self, as well as knowing what love is to begin with. If you can't or don't love yourself, then you will end up in relationships with people who don't love or respect you either.

[DishLady]

Yeah of course. A person who hates and self-sabotages themselves isn’t able to open themselves up to others in a way that allows true love to set in.

[IslaTheWitch]

being insecure and full of doubts about yourself can damage and destroy any relationship... friendship, business, romantic...

so yes... before you can really engage yourself in any relationship and give people your trust and love... you have to accept and love yourself

[Breanna_nonbinary]

You have it wrong. The saying is that you can’t expect other to love you until you love yourself. If you don’t love yourself then you’ll never believe that others can love you as well.
And it’s very true. If you think that no one can love you then you will sabotage any relationship you’re in.

[7Phoenix7]

Definitely... You can love someone while not fully loving yourself... but it is extremely unhealthy.

And if you don't love yourself first, you're bound to love someone who will hurt you and disrespect you. And you'll stay because you don't even love yourself even to leave.

So while it is possible it is a terrible thing. Love yourself first before anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Some. But I do think some people take that notion too far. Like for example I'm nearing 50. I know who I am. I know my strong points and my weak points. But bottom line I know what I bring to any relationship. But I'll still have some women that will try to gaslight me into I'm just not confident. When the reality is to those women interaction with the opposite gender is nothing but a battle. I'm not the type of person to beat my chest. I've never been that guy, nor will ever be that guy. But I do love myself

So the answer to your question is yes. But to what degree. Loving yourself is quiet confidence in knowing your worth. Not false bravado.

[omniscientman]

No. I have never once loved myself. Hell, I actively hate myself to the truest extent of the word "hate". I would never date me. My girlfriend, however, sees something that I don't. I try to open her eyes to it, but she somehow accepts everything about me as it is. Mind you, I met her at the lowest point in my life.

I love her so much that my brain can't even comprehend it. I would do anything for her. I'd move mountains to see her smile. I've never felt such deep feelings for anything that I do for her. To say I can't love her without loving myself would mean that I could never love her, and I know that's simply not true.

[melnc]

Not necessary, when you have a positive perception of yourself, it often translates into healthier relationships with those around you. By understanding your own needs, you can empathize better with others and create more fulfilling connections.

However, it's not an absolute rule... people can still love and care for others while struggling with self love. Ultimately, it's about finding a balance that allows you to both care for yourself and extend that care to those you love.

[Stetson]

It's true, if you can't stand yourself then your probably going to be negative enough it will be hard for others to tolerate.. if you have confidence in yourself, are happy with who you are, your going to have a better mindset that will put off positive vibes and other are more likely to do the same because of the positivity your putting off

[Anonymous]

Yes , 100%.
Because if you despise yourself, and have low self esteem and self worth.

The chances of you mistreating others and putting others down is HIGHER.

This is more specifically if you decide to have children in your future. You becoming their caregiver

[dragoblack]

It is to a point, but most of the time, when people say it, it's a cop out way of saying "you don't deserve to be with anyone and you are a horrible toxic individual", without being rude. Which like most of the internet, is jumping to assuming the worst of a person, with little to no knowledge of the individual.
Aside from that, it is good to self-reflect and work on getting over insecurities, before jumping into a relationship

[Tomisworthless]

No, plenty of women are insecure about themselves yet find partners. Its all about looks, hard to love and be confident in yourself when everyone treats you horribly, lie to you and talk down to you. If all you ever know is how unlovable and not worthy of life then you will see yourself as such

[avery58]

Nope. That's just people trying to sound philosophical but ending up looking cliche and corny.

[WhitneySnow]

Basically yes. If you don’t love yourself you are not going to really be able to love another person. Note that love means self-esteem, not an unrealistically (or even realistically) inflated ego.

[SugarSugarplum]

No. I think people can discover their worth together and learn to love themselves in the process of learning to love one another.

[VanillaSalt]

I would like to hear the thought on that. How does not loving yourself prevent you from loving others? In the contrary some people can’t feel valuable until others value them…

[JustinTheGreat]

Yes and no. You can definitely love someone but it’s not the best to get into a relationship if you have big self esteem issues. It can cause a lot of issues.

its best to work on yourself and be happy in your own before saying

[McLlovin]

How can you give what you dont have? Thats like trying to go pro in a sport but you dont even know how to play lol.. loving yourself is the most basic step to even trying love someone. Its not even taught and children do it without thinking.

[Skinhead-1979]

I don't love myself, I certainly love other people... In general

[Skinhead-1979]

There are aspects about myself I 'love', of course

(Might even come over as arrogant or full with myself on occasion; but when I am positive about aspects of myself, I am 'proud' of them)

[mobiusforniner]

Yes. Because if you see yourself as useless garbage, other people will see the same in you. So how can you love others if you do not love yourself?

[D_Bone_Steak]

There is some truth to this. People that just hate themselves cause a lot of unwanted emotions for those around them... and possibly drama.

[Nikki1989]

Not loving yourself just makes it harder for others to love you. People can pick up the negative vibes coming from you.

[Kaneki05]

No that's a dumb thing to believe. Granados virtual signaling that means nothing.

[thatshydork]

Yes and no. I think it depends on the person.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, but it helps when trying to pick the right person. You have to like who you are to find a mental match.

[SpeedAnswerDemon]

maybe ;-; didn't like myself til I got a girlfriend, yk, someone who finally likes me that isn't my fuckin dog :[

[Anonymous]

I think you can love someone when you don’t love yourself. I know I love my man so much, but don’t love myself.

[RingOfFire]

No. That one has been a head scratcher since I was a young man at least. I have no idea what that means.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes. You can fake love someone but if you don't have love within yourself for yourself then you can't give what you don't have to someone else.

It's impossible.

[AffectionKing]

Truth because how can I love you when you don’t know how to love yourself?

[Fireguy17]

yeppers.
If you are not happy to start with, no one will make you happy.

[DrPepper12]

Absolutely true. The most important relationship you WILL EVER HAVE is with yourself

[Vegasrunner]

No that's simply female cope, to disguise their want to be permiscuios.

[Dongie]

How the hell would I know about such shit. Love myself. Shit.

[thecosmos]

Some people say that, but I have no idea about thia issue

[TonyV]

Yeah it has some merit

[Cathy7734]

How do you define love?

[serious]

Yes of course that is true.

[Anonymous]

Life isn't black and white.

[jackieistired]

I think it’s nonsense, I want a man now

[marialovee]

Yes it's very true.

[letmex-plain]

I thoughts so until this happened:

[luvstoned4him]

Very true

[Staximus]

It's bullshit

[Pterodon]

Definitely

[zombiewoof]

Very true

[Anonymous]

100% TRUTH!!!

[Opinion Owner]

It's an illusion to believe that others MAKE you happy! Yes, there's companionship and sex, etc., but that's not the path to happiness. If you don't love yourself, you are open to manipulation and endless pain...