Do you agree with the phrase, “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself (relationship-wise)?

[aintnocandle]

Why/why not?

[MCheetah]

No. Most people aren't perfect, self-actualized, and have a flawless, obsessed opinion about themselves, and still find someone. That quote is like someone saying you need to have no insecurities or flaws or anything before you're 'allowed' to have a partner. Which may be the HEALTHIEST path to a relationship, but certainly isn't reflected in reality.

[aintnocandle]

Well not exactly, we can have flaws and still love ourselves. I know I do.

[MCheetah]

That's exactly the type of person I was talking about. Most people aren't you, who think they're perfect ("as they are").

[booksandwonders]

Partially
It's oddly phrased in my opinion. I think it's trying to say that you can't have a healthy romantic relationship if you hate yourself, which I mostly agree with. But because of it's phrasing it's easy to take it as "people with a bad self image are incapable of love", which is nonsense (even if that love isn't always of the most healthy kind).

[Little_Bumblebee]

I'm just going to leave these images here.

[Carolus]

This is a phrase normalized by selfish people, who hurt others because they come first, love themselves more and do whatever makes them happy at the expense of the other party.



Self love = Selfish


Self love comes first in conditional love relationships, in true love relationships, love of the other person comes first.

[misterCage4]

Could be true in some situations. But generally speaking, it's unhealthy to love someone else if you don't love yourself. Don't go around degrading yourself while caring for your loved ones. I had to find that out the hard way

[aintnocandle]

What happened? (If you want to share)

[misterCage4]

Basically I kept saying stuff like, I don't deserve you, you could do some much better than me, why are you with me when you could be with someone so much better and so on. All this defo contributed to our breakup eventually. It wasn't the main reason but now whenever I look back on those texts I just cringe. How was she still supposed to be attracted to someone who keeps degrading themselves like that.
Anyways, the whole relationship was a mess and we just decided to break up at the end. We were both really immature so it wasn't gonna work.
I wouldn't say I fully love myself right now but I am working on it. I am also not planning to get in another relationship for a good while now so there's that.

[ChiPaPa]

No. I've seen some pretty miserable people that didn't like themselves in relationships. That's why I get bothered when people constantly tell me that in addition to other phrases like, "there's someone out there for everyone" and "you find love when you least expect it:. It's all bullshit.

[aintnocandle]

Just because they’re in relationships doesn’t mean they’re good or healthy relationships...

[ChiPaPa]

So. It's still bullshit

[aintnocandle]

Most relationships are bullshit

[ChiPaPa]

Oh well.

[FunkyMonkee]

No, I don't! I have great love for certain other people even though I don't have all that much for myself. These days, I'm amazed I even have love for any of them!

[aintnocandle]

Why don’t you love yourself?

[FunkyMonkee]

If you had my shitty life, you'd find it hard to love yourself, too. As nice as you are to others, nobody seems to love you and quite a few, even in your own family, treat you like shit so, why should you love yourself? I think your saying should go the other way around. How can you love yourself if no one else does? I guess I'll just live out my days all alone and probably be dead here in this house for several months before anybody even knows I'm dead. Maybe mail girl will notice when she seems my mail stack up on the porch.

[lisa-elly]

Yes, I agree that you need to be ready to love and be in a good place with yourself first before you can embark on a proper relationship and can properly commit to someone they way that they deserve

[noohair]

I think that is true. Love has to be unconditional.

[crmoore]

There may be some applications in which it is a profound contribution, but generally speaking, it's not a true statement.

[Nick473]

No because love doesn't seek its own

[aintnocandle]

What do you mean?

[Nick473]

Self love is when your heart is focused on pleasing yourself. Its very selfish way to live. Although its good to have boundaries i wouldn't say that self love is actually love.

[ChiTown33]

Nonsense

[Kelly6]

nope