How do I stop over sharing?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I over share my thoughts and experiences to the man I like. I don’t want, I feel bad afterwards, I feel guilty he might think negatively of me.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I heard from a therapist that oversharing/early sharing is a symptom of past trauma. Not saying that's you, but something to consider.

Here's a thought: In the morning or when you have a block of free time, record yourself talking. Either video or voice, doesn't matter. You don't even have to play it back if you don't want. Just get it out, like a private vlog. Say whatever you're thinking about (how anxious you feel about oversharing, for example). Then, go about your day. You may find you don't have as strong of a need to overshare, because you've already processed those thoughts. If you do repeat something, you will have had a chance to clarify it between the time you recorded it and then said it again.

One other thing: I hear in what you've shared that you are concerned about what he thinks, what other people think, etc. Girl, you're the person who matters first. What do you think? Other people are outside of your control and are going to think whatever they are going to think. As long as you are true to yourself and what you believe, your peeps are going to find you. Be kind, be truthful, know your boundaries and maintain them. You'll do just fine. <3

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

❤️❤️

[CaptainOverthink]

If he can't take the truth it might be hard to have honest depth. But giving him too much too fast can ofc scare him off if he isn't looking for 'complicated', (which we all are).

But if you truly want to stop oversharing then you must find balance between acting too fast/thinking too little and thinking too much/acting too slow.
The two extrémes; Recklessness and passivity. Overthinking vs. Underthinking.

It can be really hard to change that, especially when you're with someone you've great chemistry with, because it makes you be more present, intuitive, which makes you think less and act more. So you blurt out things that you'd rather filter.

I really think mindfulness is the key here, to be observant of ones mind while it goes on autopilot and stop or slow down enough to allow yourself to think betweenbthe lines.
But if you usually are an overthinker (like me), then that might overshoot the target and make you selfaware which makes the chemistry go away. For the moment.

It sure is a practise and it's hard to keep the habit once you find the sweetspot. I am struggling too, and the moment I stop is when I drift further from balance.

It's real hard to anchor yourself with just enough leash to both feel intuitive, spontenous and while maintaining control of ourselves and our intentions.

Regular meditations helps but there are other ways, ofc. Not sure I have all that many tools to share with you, I may only point you in the right direction.
Good luck!

[Sonorous]

"Oversharing" isn't so clear cut because everyone's definition of it can has subtle differences. But a general rule of thumb is to keep whatever you're talking about specific & relevant. If it doesn't enhance the conversation, then it's just filler & can be left out.

For instance, if telling someone about your day, in order for them to understand your feelings, you don't need it to start with "In The Beginning" followed by a long tangent detailing events that don't matter to the conclusion of the topic & conversation. All they need is I feel _______ because _________ happened today. Then if they're interested, they'll ask more.

When I think about this more, the word "consideration" comes to mind. I've had social encounters with even family members who wish to rant to me not really caring about if I even want to hear it or if I'm busy doing something. So before they start ranting, I always prefer if they ask me before hand if I'm up for listening or if I'm busy. With this method, neither of us have to be worried about oversharing because it was approached in a respectful and considerate way since they asked.

Another thing you could do is surround yourself more with people who will just tell you the truth when what you're talking about it starting to lack substance.

[DishLady]

1. Don’t be the first to share. You shut your mouth (literally) till you’ve taken in what other people have shared and only shared that, filtering everything through the little window of “What does this person absolutely need to know? The rest is none of their business.”


2. Don’t brag. You also filter out things that show how wonderful or desirable you are, esp if everyone else around you is just a regular Joe/Jane. They’ll know from the way you comport yourself that you’re fabulous.


3. Don’t get caught up. You stop yourself from competitive sharing, which is when someone tells a story and you immediately jump in with your “yeah I had that issue also” and tell your show-stopping story that “steams the thunder” from the other person who was sharing first.
(In my experience, boring people with limited experiences — and many multi-generational Americans who try to make themselves seem interesting by claiming very old European roots — hate those who “steal their thunder” and are very sensitive about it. Others are simply children of thunder so we don’t care how much thunder anyone around us shares or borrows. We know how to accept a good story and move on.)

[TrueConfection]

I can relate to this!

I try to keep repeating in my head, "Don't talk, just listen." Sometimes I forget and kick myself later.

When it comes to explaining myself to my husband, I keep this in mind;

1. Think of what you are about to say and cut it in half.

2. Think of what's left and cut that in half.

3. Explain with whatever words are left.

My husband seems a lot more receptive to this method.

[AviatorTom]

You can never overshare your thoughts with your man. How does he react when you tell him your thoughts?

[Mad836362738]

What if she shared a fantasy that you thought was to much?

[ohsheeT]

If I was here I wouldn't want you to because I would want to explore experience the things that you've done that's what has made you who you are who you've become and I think that's probably a very beautiful thing

[faethon88]

First of all, if you think that something is not really important or necessary to share, don't. If you like someone or even are in love with, it is very common to start sharing very much with him/her. While it is not bad in itself, it could get things weird in certain situations especially if the other person does not reciprocate your feelings. I don't understand why the guy should think of you negatively though. He only might feel a bit pressured.

In short: If you really feel the need to shate something about you that you think it might help you or the relationship, do it! Sharing is a part of bondind and creating a healthy and trusting relationship.

Really important: Start sharing more only if you are already in a relationship with someone, or if you are sure you feel the exact same way for one another. Also pay attention to what he does. If he shares too, that's ok. In any other case, don't share too much, because there are manipulative people out there as well.

[SugarSugarplum]

Craig Ferguson said it best:

“Ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything.

1) Does this need to be said

2) “Does this need to be said by me?

3) Does this need to be said by me now?”

[MikeTheBartender]

Why change yourself for him? If you are passionate about sharing your thoughts and experiences then he will be accepting of it or not. It doesn't make either of you wrong, but I can mean an issue of compatibility if it's really important.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He encourages to talk with him but he doesn’t talk much himself and I feel like maybe I talk too much. He tells me he wants me to tell him everything

[Skinhead-1979]

I overshare, overexplain and overthink a lot; I don't really see that as a problem.

If someone doesn't like to read/ hear what I have to say, they can just tell me... or block me; either way is fine to me... makes no difference.

I feel I have a lot tell; I feel a strong need to explain myself; and, if needed, defend myself... that's just not possible in a 'few' words.

[DannyUk2017]

"I don’t want, I feel bad afterwards, I feel guilty he might think negatively of me."

You just answered your Own question, but i guess is Not Enough Fear, to make you stop!
But i guess the "consequences" will reveal your answers at a later time...🤔

[WhitneySnow]

He probably really appreciates you sharing so much. But if you really want to share less then just consciously force yourself not to share all the gory details of your life with him. But seriously. Guys love when you trust them enough to share.

[RyanR03]

Honestly if you are a talker you will just spend quite a bit of time learning to just talk a bit less. Maybe just practice making one less statement. Good therapy works

[Breanna_nonbinary]

It’s hard to imagine you’d want to be with a person that thinks badly of you in that way. If he does then he’s not worth being with you. But if it makes you feel better then just talk about things they like instead.

[DoggyDude]

Over sharing is often good. Though it does leave the person very vunerable so its a good idea to only share with someone who is equally vunerable back.

I wouldn't seek to stop over sharing, but just seek to over share with the right people.

[Ganngubai]

I think it's important to remember that trust should be earned, not given freely. So, even though you may want to be honest, like up front, keep in mind the world we live in and how people use personal information. Many times more than not, people can be deceiving. Tread lightly with your personal experiences. Protect them like family heirlooms.

[NathanDavis]

if he's not complaining about it and not avoiding you... then it might not be a big deal, nor a negative thing

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He’s not complaining but I feel bad because he might think negatively of me… He might think I am sharing some unnecessary things I could keep to myself. I like him a lot and feel like sharing him everything. But… Then I regret thinking he might think I am gossiping or being a narcissist for sharing some things that maybe I shouldn’t have shared and I feel anxiety.

[dustybiker2]

Duct tape? Or perhaps better movie prop duct tape? Nobody wants residual glue messing with the goodnight kiss.

[lightbulb27]

Trait of highly right mind. Learn to filter and think before talking, use feewrr words.
Difficult. Practice not saying what you think.

[spartan55]

Don't you think he would tell you if you were?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Actually, you contributed a little to this anxiety of mine haha, you always said I was humble bragging when I was talking things I was excited about, now I feel guilty every time I share something. So feels good to read this comment of yours.

[spartan55]

There is certainly a way to share without making yourself the main character every time.

[DJB72]

Unless he starts pulling away you're probably good. Be yourself. Don't try to be more or less than who you are. If he can't handle it then he's not the right fit.

[dsrice071966]

I would love to hear your feelings, with me you would never over share. I want to know more about you.

[andy530]

Find someone you feel safe sharing with then you won’t feel bad or guilty after sharing

[ale2003]

think before you say

[msc545]

Talk less.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Not easy 🫣