How do I stop oversharing?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My coworkers asked for my instagram today, saying they were often watching funny reels and they would send me some, not to feel left out.

Then one of them asked me If I have been to Disney, and I told him I was there with my ex fiancé.

Why couldn’t I just say that “Yes, I’ve been there”…

Why do I need to specify the circumstances and signify the drama’s I’ve been through? Why can’t I just leave it in the past and never mention anything about that again?

I think I seriously need to stop oversharing.

Updates

+1 y

Gag chose the wrong category for me. I didn’t mean to put it in dating.

[SnowedIn]

I don't think this was over sharing but, and you and I have had this conversation before, I think that once again you are struggling to let go of your ex fiance. So many of your discussions at a minimum mention him.

And now here you, new city, new job, new coworkers and you make a Disney reference about your ex.

I'm not trying to minimize your emotions and experience letting him go but my point here is that if you're concerned about over sharing (which you're not) then you should consider how you're progressing on processing and letting go of your ex fiance.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep, I remember a very good advice you gave me.

I think I left him in past.

When I was leaving Suzhou, I was listening to a Georgian song with a lyrics like this “I let the dream of you go with the wind, I’ll always carry the sadness of separation, but the warm wind of summer will heal me and I’ll forgive you - leaving.”

That was the song I listened when I was leaving Suzhou.

Suzhou was a city, that always reminded me of him, every place had a memory for me. Every river or a building reminded me of him.

After all, after pandemic, I made a point to go to Suzhou and only Suzhou, because that’s where he was, I didn’t consider any other cities, even though I had offers from Beijing and Shanghai.

Now that I left and that’s a totally new place for me, the thought of him is a distant memory. Something that happened, something that was immensely beautiful, but no longer sad.

Just like that song, by leaving Suzhou, I gave up all the hopes I ever could have of us reconciling.

When I was living he contacted me to call me and ask me if I needed help and then when I came to Shanghai, he messaged me “Please, take care and be well.”

That’s it. That’s a final piece of our goodbye.

I believe life has a lot more to offer and I am only lucky that I once loved and I once was loved.

I will love again and I’ll be loved again.

That story is a story of past.

[SnowedIn]

You write beautifully.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Besides, when he called me a week ago, he told me he was guilty and he felt like he owed me something for being such stupid as**ole, I told him something that also helped me “You don’t owe me anything, please don’t feel guilty. I have forgiven you. I am happy as I am”

I think forgiving helped me finally let him go.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you so much and sorry for paraphrasing the bad words in my last comment haha

I am so happy you like my writing. I struggle to write in English

[SnowedIn]

I would never guess you were not a native English speaker.

[AviatorTom]

Basic difference between men and women, it's in their genes.

When women talk, it's like bring in a novel. When men talk, it's a short story.

My SO does the same thing you do. I may ask her, "Are you going to the store?" and she gives me a long story if how she told me 3 days ago she was going to the store today, and rattles offca lidt if things she's buying.

If she asks me the same question, I respond, "Yes, let me know if there's anything you want me to get."

You can try to just answer the question... good luck!

[SandandWaves]

I feel ya... I was doing that and still do at times, giving out too much information than needed, after being asked a question. Then, was told from someone close to me, it is ok to say more to the right person who cares about you, but, to someone who doesn't know you... may assume something bad about you. If they want to know more, they will Ask You.

'maybe'... I do this because, I feel the need to explain myself for whatever reason, dont know but, sure am working on it! :)

[SandandWaves]

Thank you

[CubsterShura]

I'm the same way, I realized a lot of it comes from the anxiety that if I don't share enough details and the full context of a story, then people will misunderstand me.

I understood the fact that it's okay to be misunderstood and if people take things the wrong way it's not my fault. It helped me filter out lots of unnecessary details.

[Sonorous]

Maybe because you treat it like it is? A casual conversation...¿

[lightbulb27]

It's therapuetic to let out emotions, to some extent, to talk these out... but do so not complaining but releasing that energy. It creates avenues to share.

It may be your personality to talk talk talk as well, it's how you process. it's like group therapy... that is healing. this is how humans healed long ago, so the support network works as we rebuild connection.

you were a pro level cyclist? wth...

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I have never been a pro level cyclist, in street races I was the best though. What made you ask this question?

Yes, I think I am healing by talking.

[lightbulb27]

I saw it somewhere else. I've done a lot of riding, but not racing. I've climbed some of the big mountains in Europe, that was my thrill. props to you for being in that level condition!

you'll get over it as you put it into perspective and take the value out of it... that's the way out of the maze.

[Nerdvana]

It's just who you are. It's not necessarily a bad thing or wrong. Maybe you come from a family where oversharing is normal. Often, oversharing is an unconscious act. Which could stem from a traumatic situation you experienced and you need to talk about it, but haven't. Maybe you are just an honest person.

I hope this doesn't sound bad, and I could be wrong. But in my experience, most women overshare naturally. It's just in your DNA to be more open and honest about your feelings.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't consider that oversharing. You didn't go into a tangent about how you broke up, what it did to you afterwards, how it changed you as a person. You went with him. That's all. That's TRUE. No reason to hide it.

[exitseven]

It was something that was a big part of your life. It is really not oversharing

[Jazzy54]

Just remember that you can’t trust everyone with certain information. From now on, just be very basic and general with what you tell your coworkers. Don’t share details if it’s not pertinent to the situation.

[Daniela1982]

One thing you have to remember. . .

[Anonymous]

Try to not give too much details. Speak with awareness.

If anything, try to ask more questions than answering them. If the other person overshares then you can overshare too. Use common sense.

[Mangospacho]

Think strategically before going into the conversation and be prepared to end the conversation at any second. Be on the safe side and share too little, even. If they want more info, let them ask you.

[Massageman]

1. Reply ONLY to the question: add no extra flourishes.

2. Do NOT relate your experiences: just answer the question.

3. Avoid the asker.

[panda2712]

I’m like that too and I try to stop myself but at times it still happens it’s so annoying

[Christoff92]

Sometimes don't bring up your personal sources to everyone. But people that you're close to and people that you can have an intimacy connection or friendship with 😊

[slatyb]

Do not connect with current colleagues on social media.

[Grond21]

Because you want to connect, then realize after that you said something you shouldn't. The oversharing is a connection attempt

[kakaling]

Try this practice. Compete with a debate with someone without talking. Think it through and find a loophole in his debate and hit him hard with just one sentence.

[BlackJeep]

Follow the rule, less history and more mystery

[msc545]

I'm not seeing it as bragging at all.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am not seeing that as bragging either. I am just talking what I am thinking. Which is bad. I think I should talk less.

[msc545]

I like it when you talk

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am happy you do.

[BigDog1989]

I guess because you associate Disney with something bad right now

[jwmiller95]

If you feel like you're oversharing then you're talking to the wrong person

[RyanK9b]

I guess the association u have connected with that place made you say it. It was emotional

[spartan55]

Humble bragging gone wrong.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

How is it humble bragging? I am definitely not humble bragging right now.

There are times when I am doing that, but not now.

[spartan55]

Self awareness is a beautiful thing.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

So… Where did you see humble bragging?

[spartan55]

Scoreboarding the ex-fiance.

[WhitneySnow]

I guess just watch what you say better

[Kelly6]

or just talk less

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

How to?

[boobliker]

to be top dog or bitch

[DreamLife7]

Sounds like a personal problem teach yourself