Should I get over her or reach out?

[Anonymous]

I've been out of the dating scene for a few years now, not for lack of trying though. My trust has hit an all time low as I've been lied to/betrayed by basically everyone in my life.

I met this girl a couple years or so ago, when we first seen each other for the first time we both kind of paused and were looking at each other's eyes. We seemed to have something, I don't know. But towards the end, she seemed different than usual, so I stopped showing up.

Before I stopped showing up, her friend/coworker asked for my number (it was a guy), to play games or go to their parties or something I don't know. I don't really have any irl friends, only some online gaming friends so I don't know how friends normally interact with each other. I deal with depression and some other issues so I don't make friends (I have an avoidant attachment style).

It's been several months sense I've spoken to any of them, but I still can't stop thinking about her even though I haven't wanted a relationship for a while.

So I guess I'm just wanting advice from normal people on what they think about the situation.

[HollyK21]

That’s really up to you. It doesn’t sound like much was going on between you two besides glances and vibes (not saying that in a sarcastic or rude way by the way), nothing substantial or even enough for us to say she was interested. So since nothing started, there’s really nothing to lose but prepare for potential rejection because it’s been a few years, you don’t know where she’s at in life or with who, and the initial interactions you mentioned aren’t enough to determine interest or not. I guess you’d know best since you were actually having these interactions in person.

[Asker]

I'll list A few interactions that happened I guess. I was a customer, she worked at the place, but I brought some candy to her one holiday, she gave me candy the next. I tried not to get too close, but Valentine's she had candy for me. I asked her favorite candy from a coworker, so got it for her a few times, but once she asked if I could pick her up a drink, which I did. Mentioned playing a videogame with her and she gave her ign, but then as I thought about it, it felt like I invited myself so I didn't do anything.

[HollyK21]

To be very honest, these instances sound like friendliness or positive rapport you gain as you become familiar with someone. That does not mean she wasn’t interested, just giving my view on these interactions. So are they enough to reach out? I’d say they’re neutral enough to have no harm if you reach out. Just be prepared for whatever the outcome is. Don’t overthink otherwise you’ll talk yourself out of it.

[DishLady]

First, you should know GAG is generally comprised of a mixed bag of folks who have been dreadfully hurt in life and relationships, so I don't know if you'll get what YOU consider "advice from normal people" here...

Sounds like you should get over it since you're not looking for a relationship and possibly aren't ready for one.

[Selene1600000]

You’re filling in a lot of blanks with feelings, but there’s no real relationship or clear signal here to build on. The bigger issue is your isolation and trust wounds, which make you latch onto a “what if” instead of creating real connections. Reach back out casually if you want, but focus more on building friendships and social comfort first, because that’s the foundation you’re missing.