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When men complain that women expect a man to come with some value on a date it's more often because the man doesn't want either a traditional marriage or expectation of marriage. If men aren't willing to negotiate alternate relationships and just want friends with benefits, they can't expect all women to eventually want the same.
Maybe it's guilt or shame surrounding the ability to be a father nowadays as most millennial men won't be able to fulfill at least the financial aspects of a traditional Western style marriage of husband yet don't want egalitarian nor woman earning more, even when most of these men would say they prefer a traditional marriage and end up not becoming great domestic partners. Such men might fear divorce would cripple them when they aren't already doing well financially and that's understandable but it doesn't have to be that way if the partners can negotiate.
So, mostly ladies, do you think it's hypocritical of some men to complain about being lonely, sad, or angry as much as some of these women are, over the fact that they can't find a solution to the problem in dating desires without considering other options?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
No, the issue is that women that know they want a relationship are pursuing men who make it perfectly clear that they AREN'T looking for a relationship. If you were going fishing for a salt-water ocean fish, but you were fishing in a local fresh-water lake because the ocean was 50 miles away and thus a lot less convenient, is the problem the fisherman fishing in the wrong place, or the fish for not being in the more convenient spot?
Lots of men are "casual sex men" - i. e., men who are NOT looking for a relationship - and most of them will tell you so up-front if you ask them. Likewise, men who are seeking a real relationship tend to be very clear about that and will tell you so in no uncertain terms. I'm not saying that there are zero liars, because there will always be some, but MOST men will honestly tell you what they're looking for.
Most of the time, though, if a man tells a woman that he's only looking for casual sex, and that woman finds him attractive, SHE WILL NOT END THINGS. She will either live in denial that he ever said what he said, or she'll convince herself that she can change his mind (she can't). Rarely do women actually take responsibility for their own choices or take action when they know they should. Most women prefer to run 100% on feelings ("I *want* him!) rather than use logic and reason ("he doesn't want what I want, so we're incompatible, and I'm ending it.")
A man is perfectly allowed to seek women for casual sex relationships, and women are perfectly allowed to not give a man a casual sex relationship if that's not what she wants. As long as he's honest with her, he has every right to pursue what he wants, and if she lies or misleads herself into believing she can change him, the problem is not him, it's HER.
It does indeed make much sense. If a woman wants a marriage, in the dating market, she's likely to find one if she comes right out and expresses she wants this but even men who engage themselves to women end up not marrying the woman after spending 3+ years together. We can't say the men in these situations are lying but getting to marriage is a long process unless they are willing to do a shot-gun marriage without first getting to know each other well. If a man isn't engaged to be married to me or doesn't propose, I have no reason to believe that however he behaves is because he wants anything more than friends with benefits even when I might have wanted him to propose only to find out later in the relationship the man isn't a great partner for me, overall. People can get upset all they want and do whatever they want and I'll be honest that being young and inexperienced doesn't help without some guidance. Live and learn.
There are instances of men simply stating they want friends with benefits and later proposing marriage, so, when women push on, it's not because they can't take a hint but rather that what they're saying without saying it is, "to give things a chance and see." So, no, I disagree that women are suggested to be 'stupid' because they don't seem to listen nor am I saying men are 'dismissive' for being forward about their intent from the beginning but when there is a clear intent marked out from the onset the relationship, if it changes over time, can have a hard time getting out of those proposed arrangements.
All of a sudden it becomes harder for these people to justify staying together if one doesn't end up wanting what they originally wanted, after all, after getting to know the person by living with them or being around them a lot.
I would be mighty confused if a man bought me a basket of flowers and perfume and was a friend with benefits. If he simply gave me a card to apologize, well, that would have been enough, to be frank. This happened to me and I never would have guessed this man wanted to marry me because he had a sex associate over and was poised to marry someone else. Granted, I wouldn't say I was happy with the arrangement, but I never demanded he stop seeing these women. In fact, he was the one who attempted to search my phone for evidence of another guy in the picture. Go figure.
I shot him down even after some time of wanting him to propose. He wasn't for me. And a physical altercation confirmed that.
When people are young they are irrational. In a sense, one could say I had a love-hate relationship with this man. I might have felt I sacrificed much to be with him but he didn't care and understandably so because we weren't together in that sense and when he proposed it made sense that I never took him seriously.
And I was right not to; if he hated the woman he was to be married to I wasn't under any obligation to marry him if I knew that was the case. I wasn't stupid enough to believe he cared about me but the truth always hurts, doesn't it? Truthfully, women care way too much and blaming oneself in this situation as much as the man seems to be reasonable given the signs.
Society hasn't taught young people, especially women when it's best to take everything at face value all the way through and just let it die where it falls. Women can be so enamored by a man, yes, that whatever he professed to her, even if he said he loved her and it wasn't true, is enough.
I'm definitely not denying that there are jerks who will lead women on, or who promise marriage "eventually" but never really took it seriously and then back out when the time finally comes, but those are exceptions. The majority of the time, the man is either definitely looking for marriage or definitely is NOT looking for marriage.
If a woman is looking for marriage, then in my opinion she should ONLY be dealing with men who are also looking for marriage. If she's engaging in friends with benefits, she's only setting herself up for heartbreak and a lowered value in the eyes of men seeking marriage - it's a lose-lose.
No. Because commitment takes time. Paying your visa bill doesn't.😆
why would it be
When we consider dating was traditionally started to get people married to each other rather than what the modern landscape of dating is today which is less clear cut on what the expectations are.
I think a woman seeking marriage would have better luck at a marriage event rather than dating nowadays as dating isn't helpful to either sex in such cases wherein some men end up complaining and some women end up dissatisfied.
Some women are stuck on the idea that dating is still very traditional but times have changed and there is no clear signal of a man's intentions with a woman anymore whilst dating.
For myself, I would consider myself open to a marriage event if I were invited to one but don't think I would actively go into one without an offer or suggestion from someone I knew fairly well, like a friend or colleague. I am more open to meeting men through friends or some hobby rather than online dating or being approached by random men on the street or even the very traditional parental arrangement. I like to get to the know the man, first, and see what he wants.
There is the possibility of meeting men through friend house parties and even out in celebratory or other events but I'm less likely to consider the man to date for marriage unless he said something along the lines of, "I want to be engaged." He's a friend until some agreement can be reached.
Friend to mean platonic rather than physically intimate.
The dating landscape, when not clear cut about its intentions, has become a cesspool of people looking for hookups, one-night stands, booty calls, friends with benefits, f-buddies, etc. without the payment upfront for professional services of a prostitute or whore.
It almost seems unsaid for some men that if they pay for your meal then they expect sex which is not a very good expectation to have unless the woman is indeed a prostitute, slut, or whore. Neither sex is obligated to sleep with someone because of payment of a meal.