What views attract you to a partner or potential partner?

[HawkPerception]

[TheRealPepperPotts]

You know me. Agnostics and theists won't work 99% of the time, unless the theist is very casually religious and the agnostic is apathetic regarding religion. But the issue is kids. One will desperately want to assure their eternal soul, and the other will want to protect them from being brainwashed. Both are acting out of love. It's one of the few areas where I don't see any compromise that is realistic or feasible.

Religion: A Christian man who actually knew the history of religion, the Bible, and the church inside and out would be attractive. I only know about all of this because my late husband was basically a pastor and we had in-depth, intense conversations about these matters regularly. I actually don't talk about the things that fascinate me the most because it's too complicated for most fellow-believers. I don't mean that in an arrogant way, I've just had an education on it that most Christians haven't and won't. A typical Christian man would likely feel threatened.

Politically: I used to be very into politics, but I avoid it like the plague these days. So, someone who can think for themselves, change their mind as needed, and use common sense would be great. I think we should know what is going on and do our civic duty, but I dislike the vitriol, the fear, and the lack of collaboration.

Education/experience: Education is important to me, and I'd want someone who wanted our kids to have a useful education in something that would bring them a reasonable income (enough to afford decent housing, food, transportation, investing and saving, etc.).

Sexuality: Obviously, I'd only be attracted to someone monogamous, clearly and unquestionably straight, and biologically and mentally male. I shouldn't need to say that, but the way things are these days, things that should be obvious now need to be plainly stated. :(

Lifestyle: Active, but not obsessive. Bike riding, hiking, camping, skiing, etc. Not necessarily those exact things, but outdoorsy. Someone who eats clean, quality food. Hardworking, but balanced. Sets goals and consistently reaches them over a reasonable length of time.

Outlook on Life: Be present, save for a rainy day, enjoy the little things, family is number one, live within our means, work hard and smart, mistakes are part of learning, we do life together, apologize and forgive, collaborate, communicate, and contemplate, etc.

I've never actually written it out like that. Kind of neat to clarify it in my own mind; thanks for the prompt! :D

[HawkPerception]

Just caught the MHO train 😂

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@HawkPerception Still catching my breath! :D

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@TheRealPepperPotts I feel exhausted just reading the requirements list 😆

I wonder though, what makes your focus so hard on atheists in particular, while excluding (mostly) agnostics?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Maybe_Maybe_not

LOL, right? Well, at least you have an exhaustive reference now. :D I actually have never made a list of "requirements" in my life. I'm not going to reject a guy because he doesn't mountain-bike every Saturday morning.

The question was about what views attract us, though, not what our dealbreakers are.

The simplified version is:
A real Christian, who loves people more than being "right"
Politically reasonable
Values education
Straight and not trans
Values health and staying active
Emotionally stable

If we flip that around, I think most men would appreciate those things in a woman, too.

With the agnostic/atheist question, my friend @HawkPerception is actually agnostic and we get along great. Most agnostics I've met have been really neat people, and if they could tolerate my religious delusions I'd probably date one, LOL.

Atheists tend to be less well-balanced and more sensitive in my experience, and nearly 100% of the time they had an extremely toxic and controlling religious background. I say that gently and without criticism; it's simply what I have observed.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@TheRealPepperPotts oh frack you're right, I confuse attractive traits list with requirements list, my bad, it's something else entirely then, argh

I feel much better when reading the real requirements list of 6 items ! And wait, okay, so I misread the spirit of the initial list but... I'm confused about your views regarding religious, well regarding monotheism then, to specify. Or is the wording "Real Christian" you wrote a cheeky way to address the "blinded by proselytism" feature?

No, I think I'm lost, to me you sound completely agnostic, yet you deem yourself religious? What is this sorcery? What is your religious belief then? 😅

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Maybe_Maybe_not

I am a witch, sir. I read, and I create herbal medicine to heal the sick. The Inquisition is still hounding me... :D

In all seriousness, though, I am a Christian. A woman of faith. A real Christian is someone who doesn't need to defend what they believe to those who don't. A real Christian acts in love always, with grace and humility.

[HawkPerception]

@TheRealPepperPotts

"With the agnostic/atheist question, my friend @HawkPerception is actually agnostic and we get along great. Most agnostics I've met have been really neat people, and if they could tolerate my religious delusions I'd probably date one, LOL.

Atheists tend to be less well-balanced and more sensitive in my experience, and nearly 100% of the time they had an extremely toxic and controlling religious background. I say that gently and without criticism; it's simply what I have observed."

As always Ms. Potts... I appreciate the shoutout and for me and agnostics 😊 And I agree entirely with all of your words, including your take on atheists. There was something you mentioned that I'll probably use in future as it was extremely well said. "One will desperately want to assure their eternal soul, and the other will want to protect them from being brainwashed." That was perfect 👌🏼

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@TheRealPepperPotts
Now that settles your views, I get it. Indeed, I have met a lot of theists and atheists fighting to get my attention (and anyone's attention) on what I should or should not believe, at an existential, proselytism again and again. Yep. But then, I'm surprised. How agnostics find it difficult to engage with you, if after all, you are so humble about your views, how does that work, how does a usual day with you work?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@HawkPerception Thanks so much; always appreciate you, too. :D

@Maybe_Maybe_not

It's not that they find it difficult to engage with me. It's that I don't think they would appreciate me sharing my faith with our children, which I cannot refrain from doing because of how integral it is to my life. Because of that, I just wouldn't take it further, even if we hit it off. At the risk of sounding cliche, it isn't them, it's me. :)

Interestingly enough, my late husband had a view that I vehemently disagreed with him on. We discussed it before marriage, and I had decided that I wasn't willing to reject a good man over this particular belief. I never changed my mind on the issue and neither did he, but we both agreed to disagree. I told him I would not discuss it with the kids and the entire burden of explaining it would fall on his shoulders alone. I wouldn't go against him, but I wouldn't try to build his case for him with the kids, either. It wasn't anything bad, just a doctrinal issue.

[HawkPerception]

@TheRealPepperPotts Pfft ya cliche romantic...

"It isn't them, it's me."

Respectfully in this scenario, it's both of them 😂

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@HawkPerception I see your point, LOL, but I'll step away from that landmine, thank you... :D

[HawkPerception]

@TheRealPepperPotts Maybe you should take a "step" of faith sometimes 🤣

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@HawkPerception You are such a brat! LOL. Step of faith, yes... step of being blown to oblivion, I'll pass...

[HawkPerception]

@TheRealPepperPotts Guilty as charged 😎 https://giphy.com/gifs/swPH6f77yLk2I

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@HawkPerception I'm dying... :D

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Well, I don't know how integral your faith is, what it means in practical terms, regarding educating kids. Speaking for my case, I raised a kid with a moderate Christian, there wasn't anything to compromise with really, she expressed her beliefs in a superior force to our kid, while I shared my elaborated uncertainty. It has been dealt with like, mom thinks that, dad thinks that.

For all I can tell, our kid is now a young adult thinking a superior force created the universe while featuring progressive views about most societal topics. In short, our kid seems really like a mix of mom and dad lol

[DizzyDesii]

I’ve tried to date agnostic and atheist but at this rate, he’s gotta be a believer. Other than that, the rest are not a dealbreaker but we’d get along better if we felt the same way about abortion, death penalty, euthanasia, social media use, guns, hookup culture, prenups, and genders/lgbt

[HawkPerception]

Haha I'm the same with theists 😂 I tried dating them a couple times... never worked out very long

[DizzyDesii]

Yep just better to find someone similar to yourself. I can associate with anyone but prefer to date someone with a similar mindset

[HawkPerception]

Completely agree. I post a lot on here about similar views being extremely important in terms of compatibility

[DishLady]

An overall Aristotelian philosophy, which preaches respect and balance for all things.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Interesting, would you have real life situations to illustrate the approach of this person

[DishLady]

Yeah.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Considering my last three relationships, I'm starting to think that an interest in soft science slowly becomes a requirement, if not, could be replaced by an interest in visual arts or literature. If still not, damn, I would go for an unspecialized curious spirit.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

oh and @HawkPerception what is this picture? At first sight, it seems totally offbeat with the topic but I might overlook something? :D

[HawkPerception]

A painting of the 2 great philosophers Plato (on the left) and Aristotle (on the right) depicting a moment where they're debating philosophy.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

hmmm so you pushed a platonic (ha ha!) picture in the middle of a romantic enquiry, sneaky !

[HawkPerception]

It's not unrelated. Yes the post is about dating and relationships, but it's about someone's views.

[Ladsin2]

I'm pretty traditional, I want a fairly traditional woman. I expect her to be a little more liberal than me. She'll soften some of my edges and I'll make her a little less... communist. That's how most relationships work so I presume the same will happen with mine.

[OfMiceandMen]

All her views... head-on, side and rear. 😜😂

[HawkPerception]

Lol 😂

[luvstoned4him]

Those who believe in fairness, outspoken , standing in their beliefs, monogamous

[genericname85]

bascally if they are based, somewhat conservative but not super conservative and definitely not a wokie.

[MicahRaine]

Being logical, respectful, and just based 😂

[LiamJHayden]

Views? They looks at politics, the Grammys, and the Oscars with the same lack of importance as I do.

[jackieistired]

They gotta view me to be attractive

[HawkPerception]

You must be tired. Take a nap 😂