Is it stupid to want to be romanced?

[Anonymous]

I’m feeling hurt because after 3 years with my boyfriend, I’ve never experienced romantic gestures like dates or flowers. He says it’s not his style, but I crave that kind of affection. He shows he cares in other ways, so I feel guilty for wanting more. I’m conflicted. Am I overthinking? What should I do?

[HawkPerception]

Effort matters in a relationship. It's what keeps the fire going. A lot of relationships start to fail when couples get into the comfort zone and stop putting in effort because they feel secure in the relationship.

A part of me sympathizes with couples because it sometimes requires a lot of energy which we don't feel we have a lot of the time due to being drained by life. But for any successful relationship, you need to push past that discomfort and mentality to make it work. It's the same as working out or getting up to go to work each morning. You just need to do it to be successful in that aspect of your life.

You need to communicate that you feel like romantic gestures are missing in the relationship and really make him understand it's an important aspect of the relationship. For a lot of guys (including myself), we tend to fall into that comfort zone and then eventually end up losing the girl because of a lack of effort. You live and learn for sure, but it's better to trudge through the obstacles in the relationship than give up on it altogether.

[BadApple69]

Everyone shows love differently. I will buy flowers sometimes but if they aren’t appreciated I just won’t do it again.
When a guy buys candy and the girl says chocolates make me fat…. I won’t buy them again.
The point is in our pasts we all go through things mold the future. Maybe your guy never got the acknowledgement or positive reinforcement needed to continue romantic gestures. Not blaming you but past girls or just other people in his life.
The reality I sit at work and think of my girlfriend and I’ll send her, her favorite chocolates. She shows appreciation when I do that.
Maybe what you need to do is this…. Make a bid deal out of a female friend of yours that got flowers, show him pictures. “Wow look at these beautiful flowers that Nancy got today from her boyfriend, he is such a great guy”. Maybe if he hears that enough he too will want to be a great guy.
What else might happen is, you’ll see that very few to none of your friends are getting flowers either… hopefully you two can meet in the middle.

[bobalife]

Oh no, it's never stupid to want what you want in a relationship and yes that also means romance! You are overthinking it. It's sad but we women can feel guilty for voicing what they want and need, a relationship is about two people afterall. Have you ever told him what you want? Everyone has a different love language. It's important that you both learn what are each other's love languages. He is showing the type of love that he also likes receiving. But he probably doesn't know nor understand how you would like to receive love.

[bobalife]

p. s. what is a relationship w/o the romance? lol.

[Account]

You are not over-thinking and you are not stupid. You need to find someone who speaks the same language as you when it comes to romance. That is all. With your ex you didn't speak the same language and that is alright, it simply didn't work.

[hannah]

it’s normal to want those romantic gestures, especially if that’s how you feel loved. but here’s the thing—sometimes our expectations of love don’t match how our partner expresses it. if he’s showing he cares in other ways, like being there for you or helping with things, that’s his way of showing love. but it’s also okay to want more.

you’re not overthinking it, it’s just about finding balance. talk to him, explain how those small gestures make you feel appreciated without makin him feel pressured. maybe he doesn’t have to go all out, but a little effort here n there could make a big difference. relationships are about meeting halfway, so don’t feel guilty for wanting more, just communicate your needs openly.

sometimes a conversation like that can really help you both understand each other better, and make you feel more connected.

[OlderAndWiser]

For the most part, this is your fault. He has clearly told you that he is not the romantic type, that is specifically what you want, you aren't getting what you want, but you have stayed with him for three years. Do you take some responsibility for this failure?

[imtiaz45]

No, it's not stupid to want to be romanced. The desire for romance is a natural and healthy aspect of human connection. It reflects a longing for affection, attention, and emotional closeness, which are fundamental to meaningful relationships. Wanting to be romanced is about valuing love, care, and the joy of shared experiences. It’s a way of nurturing emotional bonds and feeling cherished. Everyone has different needs and desires in relationships, and seeking romance is a valid expression of those needs. Embracing this desire can lead to deeper, more fulfilling connections with others.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/3jGv7IkLUSA

[oniigiri]

Personally, I’m of the opinion that if you communicate your needs to your partner and they are not willing to meet then, you are not compatible. This is clearly a need of yours and for whatever reason, he’s not willing to meet them. He’s actively choosing not to despite it not really taking much for him to provide them to you occasionally.


A partner who wants to love you the way you want to love will go outside of their comfort zone to make you happy. We have all done things for our partners that we don’t necessarily love strictly because it makes them happy.


To me, it sounds like he doesn’t want to put the energy and effort into it, which means you’re settling for the bare minimum.

[ephemeralife]

It's not stupid wanting to be romanced nor much to ask for. I feel like many of the men's comments are correct; if it's not his style, he's not going to change it... and its no fault on him, it's just who he is. It's certainly no fault on you either, it's just how you need to receive love and that's perfectly, perfect.


Maybe it's time to reconsider what you really need out of a long lasting relationship as much as it might hurt... at the end of the day we can't change our loved ones.


Hope you're okay and wishing you the best with it :)

[Lionman95]

No it´s not as it´s your way of feeling fulfilled. The question you should ask yourself is though why you stayed in the relationship and if you want to keep that relationship going. Because him saying it´s not his style is his way of saying that he won´t do it on his own. If you really crave that maybe it´s better to end the relationship and look for a partner that gives you that.

[mojito]

girl, DUMP. HIM. NOW! if you've been with him for THREE years and you’re still craving the basics like dates or flowers, it might be time to really think about what you want. you’ve communicated what you need, and if he’s brushing it off like "it’s not my style," that’s him ignoring something important to you. love isn’t just about showing care in his way—it’s about meeting each other's needs, too.

you deserve someone who’s gonna make the effort to give you that affection you’re craving. if he can’t or won’t, it might be time to move on. don’t settle for less than what makes you happy! trust me, someone out there will gladly bring you flowers without you even having to ask.

[Hope19s_]

Not at all! Wanting to be romanced is a natural and valid desire. Romance can add excitement, connection, and intimacy to a relationship, making you feel valued and cherished. Everyone has different needs and preferences in relationships, and wanting romance is just one way of expressing the desire for love and affection.

Romance isn't about grand gestures alone; it can be found in small, meaningful acts of care and attention. Communicating your desires and needs with your partner is important, as it helps ensure that both of you feel fulfilled in the relationship. Wanting to be romanced reflects a healthy desire for connection and intimacy, which are key components of a loving relationship

[zac-10]

Ugh, I know the importance of such gestures, but I rarely think to do them except in birthdays, holidays etc. But what I do on a regular basis that comes from the same place and means the same thing in my neanderthal male brain is I take care of stuff... Like I notice she needs tires and make that happen. I come and get her in her house when she locks her keys inside. I make sure she isn't hungry. I carry heavy stuff. I put the new bookshelf together. I check her well being if something stressful is going on in her life. To me those things come from the same place as flowers or fancy dates. It never meant much to my ex wife, she didn't take those actions for granted, they just didn't register the same to her as romantic gestures. but a couple women I've dated since I got divorced really liked and appreciated it. So no, it's not dumb. It's just your personal preference and something that needs to be considered when determining long term compatibility with someone.

[HighValue]

Is it only bothering you lately? And have you started talking with other men online recently and THEN things about your boyfriend started bothering you more AFTER socializing with other guys? (That is often the case with women).

Do you do anything to romance him?

[thearchjoker]

Its ok to want to be romanced but it won't happen if you don't make it clear that you want it to happen. The stupid thing would be to clear about what you want and expect your man to just know. If you WANT it to happen be BLUNT and TELL him, don't play games or drop hints but just outright tell him.

[derick01]

Omg, as a man I absolutely LOVE romanticizing a woman! Its part of seduction in its purest sense. I know men show love in many different ways but I've always been the oddball, especially love when I date older women who have given up on romance. I think it's natural. You have it or you don't.

[itsannalee]

He already told you that he is not romantic person, and u still stay with him while you are a romantic person. So it’s your fault….


You should just find someone as your type, so u won’t carve or anything.

[itsannalee]

…won’t starve of anything. Typo

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I agree with you. You should receive the type of romance that you are seeking.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks for MHO :)

[RHK36]

So you waited 3 years to feel a type of way about it? Why be with him if it's a problem and for 3 years at that. Either accept he won't do it or get a new boyfriend. No point in complaining about it this late into a relationship.

[ProbablyClueless]

Not at all, but you have to identify the men who will be willing to do that for you.

I love romancing women, but it's also true that I wouldn't find most women to be worth putting in that effort for.

[paledreams]

Lol if I was the woman in that situation, I've have dumped him a long time ago/not pursued a relationship of maintained one either hahaha 🤣👅😛🎉

[Anonymous]

Nah it's not. On that same token there is nothing wrong with the way he is. Seems you two are incompatible

[Ms_Facesitter]

It's only stupid if you're not willing to put in the effort for it.

[Iron_Man]

How do you know he’s not asexual or just has Friendzone you after three years you’re still putting up with that

[beefcakebradybatson]

Romance is essential to a relationship. (I know it doesn't read "manly,"but...)

[Anonymous]

His needs are different than yours. This question is clearly about your needs, but what are his needs, and are you meeting them? If so, you definitely deserve better than him.

[jahaims]

You are overthinking. You can bring romance to the relationship as well. It's not one partners job.

[Jackblue]

His parents should have told him, women need to be wooed.

[Gdude9]

No, it’s totally normal.
I recommend listening and learning about him

[Anonymous]

It's stupid if your want simply isn't realistic.

[luvstoned4him]

Nah, it's a requirement of mine

[DishLady]

Nope.

[rachel776]

that's a very nice thing to want

[Jamie05rhs]

That's a sorry excuse for a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had that but I never did. Oh well.

[LiamJHayden]

Why would it be?

[dudegreat91]

No its pretty normal for women to want it

[Anonymous]

Nope