Why do women go after men who don’t have their life together?

Question

I’m not bashing on anyone nor am I hurt. I’ve simply made observations about the women in my life. From exes, my sisters, cousins, aunts, friends, etc. they always seem to go after dudes who don’t have their life together. It honestly baffles me. We’re talking 30+ year old men with no jobs, no education, no skills (such as trade jobs), and multiple kids with different women. They keep getting hurt and when I point out that it’s the type of men they go after I’m the insensitive jerk. They have to know what they’re doing at this point they’re grown women. They can’t be that naive.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

I don't know from title alone

id I’d guess it’d be cause they felt comfortable with it initially (like they felt

intimidated by successful men), and/or

they’d be somewhat used to it cause all the guys they knew- younger brothers, cousins, classmates and all were unsuccessful.. so they don’t realize when that should be happening.

It’d be weird to off the bat see their friend or brother was successful in a day, and they probably don’t expect or get used to seeing ambitious guys.

Also it’s possible ambitious guys are more schedule filled than unsuccessful and non-ambitious guys. Those guys are picking up girls at bars, talking to them on games, and more the social type.

Girls need to also have it in their mind to work hard and try to be successful and not needy on the social level and

need that from men.

They need to get used to working hard and working being okay and a GOOD thing, as well as working alongside of a guy.

If they need prep for marriage and such, I could easily see this making room for a new essential: men cooperating with women in team settings. Cause if this isn’t a norm, how can either/ both get used to doing so in dating aspects and such.

It should also just be a default for them individually to know how to work as a team. Some guys don’t do well on teams and they’re not ambitions. And vice versa. Can you imagine the partner who stumbles on either of them? It’s a sorry sight.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Ah! Just as guys tend to be “do it”/“fix it” sort of creatures by nature, so do gals tend to be “nurture it”/“fix it” creatures by nature. (Not all guys/gals are like this, mind you. I prefer to count on a guy being solid enough “as is” because I’ve taken the time and effort to work on myself and be good enough “as is” also.)

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

In their hearts women do it to spite men who are decent, have their shit together in life, and are serious about a relationship. They know extremely well they could choose that kind of guy, but they don't because they don't like that he is deeper or smarter than she is and not someone she can control or change. So these women injure themselves and their lives by picking guys of low value on purpose, thinking they are noble for doing it when they actually make themselves look like a fool, and everyone can see it.

They're not hurting anyone but themselves. Leave them to it.

Keyboardkat · Accepted Answer

Some women have a "savior complex." They see themselves as saving the guy who doesn't have it together. Sometimes you'll see this syndrome, for example, if a girl's father was an alcoholic. And she will keep on choosing alcoholic guys, like if she can cure them and make them whole, for the girl it's like a way of "healing her past," or "fixing" what was wrong with her father. But of course it doesn't REALLY fix her father, o she'll do it again and again! Girls like this need some real deep therapy!

XHopelessRomanticX · Answer

I don’t think there’s any one singular reason why these women do this, but I do think a lot of it stems from their own self-perception and self-worth. Like the need to be needed. “If he needs me, then I must be valuable. And if I’m valuable, then he won’t leave me.”
Sometimes they hope for something that will never happen. “If I’m patient, understanding, and nurturing, then he'll be who he promises. He was good when we met, so he can become good once again."

Above all, I believe very strongly that a woman’s relationship with men is a reflection of her relationship, or lack thereof, with her own father. I have to ask; Do these women have good, upstanding father figures? Who is setting the example of what to look for in a man and how they ought to be treated by a man?

HawkPerception · Answer

What? If that were true, I'd be reeling in women. What kind of backwards nonsense are you spouting? Women care about a man's phase in life and where he is financially. Very few do not care.

AviatorTom · Answer

Simple... women like a challenge and believe they can change the guy to their liking.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Nice this is a good point that Gen X men are way better. You know I find it very interesting millennial men always complain and when you all millennial guys a re mommas boys and always put mommy and siblings first before your wife and girlfriend why even bother being in a committed relationship when you never put your girl first later get angry when a woman my age dates a Gen X guy. Truth is their are loving caring guys out there the problem here is millennial guys are a bunch of spoiled mommies men child who aren't mentally adults. Physically your an adult but mentally you millennial guys are not. I was once married to a millennial gut born he is born in 1992 he never spend time with me. When I requested only one time to come with me to go on a walk to the garden park to later he yelled at me that it was all my fault his little 18 year old little sister is got into a car crash if he had given her a ride to college on that day the crash wouldn't happened as if I was responsible for his little sister actions. You millennials always put your mom and little siblings first before your wife. Oh and in pandemic I was left alone watching the Twilight series. You neglect your girlfriends and wife's so STOP COMPLAINING! FACE IT THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOUR MOM!

exitseven · Answer

There are some people that just love to have chaos and drama in their life. I dated somebody for a while that was like that. All her exes were losers and she used to ask me why I would go out with somebody like her. She never went to college and worked as a bartender but she was special in lot of ways and I thought we got along well. I guess I was not exciting enough for her because I was busy going to college ans could not go out with her during the week and drink until 2 in the morning.

art84 · Answer

My brother was like that when he met his wife. He had two sons from a previous relationship and two girls from a ex wife. So my brother has four children and his new wife has three children from a previous relationship. In those two relationships he never worked and his girlfriend worked as a nurse to basically support him for five years. His ex wife worked and he took care of the girls and cleaned the house. She basically got tired of it and left him after 5 years. She cheated on him as well during the marriage. So not all women are attracted to men who don't have their life together.

Sunnysunny123 · Answer

Because they lie. When i met my ex he just got out of university and was hoping to find a job within his education, i tought okay that is normal i mean who doesn't wanna work with what they have been studying for for years. That hope of his lasted 4 years into the relationship and he didn't even work with anything else. And so when some people get attached it is harder to let go which was my case because i was very young and stupid and too hopeful that he is going to change.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I think a lot of these woman actually enjoy the feeling of taking care of someone else. A lot of the people I've seen in relationships like these, the woman does pretty well for herself.

I think some woman date men but want a wife at the home or they simply feel good being a provider and I would think it comes with an added sense of security that they can hold the man down.

desidoll · Answer

I hate to say this but just like how some men complain about modern women not being as traditional as before, we can say the same thing about men nowadays. They compliment each other in the same way. Very few men are organised or have their life together. It is not like women have many options to go after really. Think about it. You’d always end up on something that is in the majority, not minority.

bobalife · Answer

lets make it clear, this is only "some women," not generally women lol. Those specific women may potentially be fixers, may like the excitement he provides, may have a low self-esteem and don't know what's a healthy relationship, it's easy to go back to old patterns and not learn from it, people don't like being lonely and choose wrong people to filled in that void, or did not experience a good childhood...

RingOfFire · Answer

Women have a natural instinct that makes them want to change a man. It gives them a sense of accomplishment. So they often get into relationships thinking that they can change his bad habits and remake him into the ideal man they have not been able to find. They are often wrong but don't find out until it's too late.

MemeSupreme · Answer

It's bc

- environment they're used to and grew up in. people like what they're used to

or

- he's fun but his life being a mess is the catch lol hard to find fun responsible people you got chemistry with

Anonymous · Answer

Some women mistakenly think he will be grateful and want to return the favour with a wonderful life and undying loyalty when she helps build him up.

It usually never goes like that and he scuttles her for the woman he couldn't get when he was broke and aimless.

Apple1996 · Answer

Those type of men fake being decent guys in the beginning of relationships to trap women. It's impossible to know if you have a good man till he proves himself and those true colors show up

mobiusforniner · Answer

I guess, if you find such women attractive, then you need to broaden your social circle. Because any woman I know wouldn’t give a jobless slob a chance in hell.

GallopAcrossEurope · Answer

They're too good at talking to women, so they avoid any initial red flags. You'd be surprised how effective it is in person.

ChillNsweet32 · Answer

Not me, I avoid men like that, like the plague. Major turn-off for me. I'm not looking to be a care taker or an ATM.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Sometimes those guys are smooth talkers and the women fall for it. I've seen normally smart women get sucked in by homeless losers in that way.

Anonymous · Answer

Women operate with their animal visual brain too. So im guessing those specific men must be in shape or attractive.  However don’t have their life together

Dargil · Answer

Because they have fundamental virtues and would benefit from a "helpmeet". Men do the same thing with women.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

Because the guys with their lives together all have supermodels.

genericname85 · Answer

probably cause they don't have their shit together either and feel like that's the best they can do.

Nerdvana · Answer

Because they are very good looking. And these women truly believe, that by the love they give them, will awaken them and change them.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Lots of younger lasses love bad boys because they're more exciting (and dangerous) than good guys.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

women are emotional animal and we need someone to pour out our emotion. Jobless guys often look like someone who need emotional support.

Anonymous · Answer

Because that is most men. The chances you will choose one is very likely.

Anonymous · Answer

They're "hawt". And isn't that what's really important?

Anonymous · Answer

Lol you surround yourself with retarded women.

Empery · Answer

They like deadbeats for some reason.

Pohjolan · Answer

Looks, good sex.

Why do women go after men who don’t have their life together?

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