Am I wrong to not want to go to his house?

[Anonymous]

Hi all.

first of all I dislike my boyfriends parents and don’t want to go over to their house. Every time I have been over I am constantly being left in uncomfortable situations- such as talking to his parents for 2-3 hours at a time- when I can sense they don’t like me. It’s forced and feels weird so I finally put my foot down.

additionally his parents encouraged me- an independent adul- to have sex with him in their house… like come on I’m not trailer trash that’s nasty. Additionally his parents encouraged dangerous behaviors, sex, drugs and drinking from the time he was 15. They let this go so far as to allow this in the house and would provide alcohol and drugs and he would be allowed to bang his girlfriend in the house while they were home…

i understand this is the past and it does not reflect who he is now- he’s sober and trying to get his life together. But I’m so grossed out by the parents and setting their son up for failure. I had to come in and be more of a parent than they ever were to get their son on track.

Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

So what happens if you two get more serious and want to get married? Or have kids? Being with him means accepting his family and you’d be marrying into this situation. If I were you I’d be deciding now if those are the in-laws I want.

[Asker]

We want to get married. I am willing to be cordial and see them in a public place. I don’t want kids so that’s no issue- but if I ever did they would not be allowed to be alone w the parents at any time due to influencing bad behavior- his brother won’t even bring his child over.

Luckily for me- I am with him not his parents. I don’t feel like they have to like or accept me to have a positive relationship with him

[Asker]

Additionally- I wouldn’t be marrying into that situation- because his issues are not going to become mine- he accepts that

[Opinion Owner]

If he’s close with them then the nature of your relationship will never be “public place”. No, you are not in a relationship with them but again, if he’s close to them you’ll inadvertently deal with them more than you’d like. If you’re marrying a man who’s close to his family, I’m not sure how you’ll remain distant without causing issues that turn him into a middle man of sorts.

[Shortkay4568]

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