Husband doesn’t want me to go to male friends house?

[Anonymous]

I’m friends with a guy and girl that I know from college years ago. We were arranging to meet at a coffee shop for a drink. Then, the male friend suggested we meet at his place. I asked my husband if it’s ok if we meet at his place but he doesn’t want me to, even if my other female friend is there. Is he overreacting?

[Anonymous]

No I don’t think he’s overreacting. He’s your husband. Your husbands’s thoughts, emotions, feelings should be more important than that of your friend. Especially if he’s a good husband. Men know how men can be. I don’t know how beautiful you are or aren’t, but if you’re somewhat descent looking your man knows your male “friend” is looking at you as more than just a friend. I’m not sure how you’d feel if things were reversed, if he had a female comment friend who suggested that he go to her house instead along w another male friend. It might not even be about hi trusting you as someone said. It may be that he doesn’t trust your friend. Why don’t you take him w you? I mean your husband should be the most important person in your life so why wouldn’t you want your friends to meet him? I’m sure you’d want him to respect your feelings as well if he did something you weren’t comfortable w. Who’s to say you didn’t have something w this man back in the day? Did you? Maybe you had something going on w the girl. You need to talk to him.

[Drewtate]

If it's the guy friend you are talking to and arranging all this with then no. Even the coffee shop sounds suspicious, you turn up and the female friend isn't there. Clearly alarm bells are ringing in your husband's head and it's best not to feed them.

[Crimsyjo]

Haha might surprise the others in my answer but I'd kinda respect my husbands feelings. I know I know... I could say but I'm not gonna do anything so what's the problem? The other female is gonna be there? Etc etc

But... I don't know. Question 1 is your hubby friends with them too? Has he met them?

Question 2 why is he not able to go? And if he hasn't met them much or at all maybe its fair to say he might have reservations until he can look the dude (and gal) in the eye and judge for himself how much he trusts them.

I mean... whi knows maybe you fucked back in college? Maybe the guy abd girl are looking to get you into a MFF thing.

Maybe not...

But can you see how your hubby may feel and have these thoughts run through his head? It's fine to put your foot down in the relationship and not be controlled. But pick your battles. Is this really so big a deal and how much you love and value your hubs feelings?

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Yeah a bit. Just means he doesn't trust you not to do something with your friend or he doesn't trust your friend not to do something to you. I'd ask him why he is so opposed and if he doesn't give a satisfactory answer then you might want to consider the relationship as a whole. That level of distrust won't go away over time. You'll constantly be needing his approval to do things he isn't comfortable with.

[BetaBucks]

Sometimes it's just about the guy needing to experience the same thing. Like, he should start going over to his female friends' houses without her, so he can see there really isn't anything to worry about. And when he sees that she fully trusts him to be alone at another girl's house, he might start feeling more trusting with her.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

In theory that should work, but he might also still get jealous because he still only trusts himself not to do something. What needs to happen is he needs to evaluate why he's getting so upset by it and work through that.

[BetaBucks]

Very true, but I assume the reason he gets upset is because he doesn't do it, himself. I see this all the time in other situations. Guys just need to go out and replicate the same behavior and they'll see it's not so bad. He could even go a bit further with it, really. He'll also get to see her trust in him which is almost like a bonding experience and good for both of them. It will build mutual trust.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Always worth a try, of course. She knows her relationship better than we do though so hopefully they figure something out to build that trust

[BetaBucks]

Yeah, I hope so too 🤞🏼

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Sounds like your husband has you on a dog leash so maybe your master can go with you.

[BetaBucks]

Sending this to my wife next time she tries to give me problems about going over to other girls' houses 😂

[Anonymous]

I would say he has valid concerns. I mean what could be the reasons he doesn’t trust you. I’m going to assume that you have zero intentions on doing anything romantic and/or sexual with him.

I mean let’s say he was going to a girls house he knew. Would you trust him?

You also do need to wonder what the guy asking you to come overs intentions are. Im not saying he has bad intentions but it is questionable. If you haven’t seen someone for a long time getting coffee is probably best.

[Lliam]

Why did you even ask if it was okay? You should have just told him where you were going.

The bottom line is, he doesn't trust you. He will say that he trusts you but not the other guy, but that's bullshit.

Those are long-time friends from college. And you're not going to the guy's house alone (which would send up a red flag).

By the way, why isn't your husband invited?

[rparks]

I think it's kind of odd that they moved it from the coffee shop to his place. I would respect your husband's opinion in this case and also suggest to your friends that you keep the meeting at the local coffee shop or choose another public location.

[Nikki1989]

He has control and trust issues. It will only get worse if you don't put a stop to it.

[itsannalee]

I wouldn’t like if my husband visit his female friend house too. Meet outside for the coffee or lunch is okay, but in the house nah. Unless she also has a husband home.

[itsannalee]

I might trust my husband, but not his friend.

[CalmUntilAbused]

That's a very responsible take on the matter. My wife can be trusted, but her friend cannot. Especially if I don't know him. What if he forces himself on her? People can change, and pretty drastically at times. Why can't more people understand it?

[itsannalee]

I read a question few days ago about a girl who hangout with her girls friend and also 1 of her bestfriend (male). And she was very drunk and ended up slept with him. See, maybe you can trust your partner, but not all their friend.

[CalmUntilAbused]

You're correct. And there's still people who'd consider the husband's objection to be based on insecurities.

[BetaBucks]

@itsannalee even in that scenario, I'd still think she wanted to sleep with the guy. Unless she was literally unconscious. I say that, because no matter how drunk we get, we (hopefully) don't have sex with family, animals, or children. Because we (again, hopefully) don't already want to do those things. Getting drunk just lets us forget or ignore the consequences of immorality/infidelity.

Even the times I've had sex with my wife while I wasn't conscious, it was because I was willing to get passed out drunk with her and sleep in a bed with her. Something I wouldn't do around/with another woman.

[BetaBucks]

Depends, do you think it's okay for him to go to girls' houses as long as he says one of his guy friends will also be there? If that's normal in your relationship, then that's what between you two. If not, you have your answer.

[Daniela1982]

Maybe he is worried that you will have a threesome without him? Why don't you get together at your house so your husband can meet them too. Can you see how your actions could be suspicious?

[spartan55]

Why wouldn't you just hang out as couples. Do you include your husband in plans with your 'friend'? You left out a ton of history and context.

[spartan55]

Wow, another troll pink anon post with zero interaction. So stupid...

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

No, why? it's his preference. Now keep in mind you can choose to go anyway but your husband certainly has the ability to decide if that's a deal breaker for the relationship or not.

[matchrestore]

I don't know you, your friends, or your relationship, but for my wife and I that would not be an issue at all. We encourage each other to hang out with friends, regardless of gender or venue.

[SweetJoyGirl]

It is disrespectful to your husband, if you meet another man at his place, tbh. Stick to public places and stick to being in a group.

[Caroline91]

I don't understand why you wouldn't just take your husband with you? Or why not meet up with the 3 of you at your house?

[Iron_Man]

No, he’s not overreacting. I agree with him 100% I would never allow this. Besides, the female friend may not show up and by going to the male friends house could lead to more down the road visiting for more house meetings

[Anonymous]

It's a red flag for you to not see that as inappropriate. It should be you and your husband, not you by your self. Who the other male is with us irrelevant.

[DishLady]

He might be... OR he might have heard the guy say something that didn't sit well with him.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

He probably has good, solid reason reason to distrust you or your male friend or your female friend or all of you altogether.

[serious]

Well, he is right to have his concerns. Going to your male friend's house is a really bad idea.

[Alex-Snow]

He is way overreacting. He does not control you and you can and should make your own decisions. He needs to chill out

[Makeushiver]

So? Does his opinion matter in something that's none of his business. Unless the past 10 male friends were visits in which you returned home w/o panties and he notices than he may have a reason

[BetaBucks]

Yep. I had to make this same point with my wife. She tried to punk me over me going over to my female friends' houses without her, and was really upset about me continuing to do it. In the end, she just had to learn to accept it, because it's my own life and she doesn't get to control me just because she's insecure and doesn't trust me. I get that she didn't feel good about the girls being younger and attractive, but that literally should have zero impact on the situation at all.

[alice55]

It's normal the ways he's acting why dos he suddenly want you at his house and not a coffee? this sound like a trap

[SugarSugarplum]

Do you want a peaceful marriage or a potential tryst with an old friend?

[Jackblue]

I might have said no if you were alone with him, that would make anyone suspicious, but with the female friend being there he really doesn't have any reason to be.

[DrPepper12]

Fuck that. Tell little snowflake to check his insecurities and grow up

[BetaBucks]

Legitimately agreed. My wife tried to question me about going to girls houses alone, and that conversation didn't last long. I'll go wherever I want. She will learn to live with it. I have a ton of girl friends and I'll hang out with them whenever and wherever I want. She can divorce me if she can't accept that.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No he isn't over reacting. He doesn't want you to be alone with people inside their home as that isn't safe for you though you consider them your friends.

[OddBeMe]

I mean, hear him out. Talk it out. But it’s your life your friend. This is more his lack of self confidence.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want you to go to a male stripe house?

[midnightmoon05]

Invite your hubby. Problem solved.

[OlderAndWiser]

Did you invite your husband?

[Guacamole409]

Then don't go.

[chrissykerdock]

sounds like he wants to take out his penis

[jahaims]

He doesn't trust you.

[Anonymous]

Okay.

[Anonymous]

Nope.