Husband doesn't want to let me go to best friends bachelorette, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends just got engaged and she wants to have her bachelorette party at a beach somewhere out of the country. She has agreed to pay for the rental property for 4 days and 3 nights since we will be having to pay for our flights, which is an estimated $500 for round trip. My husband won't let me go because he's concerned about multiple things. He thinks it's excessive, safety is a concern, we have money but he sees it as our relationship money so it's unfair that I'd spend so much of it without him enjoying anything. He says 8-10 drunk girls in a foreign country is a recipe for bad decisions. I agree that it's a bit excessive to want it out of the country but I would hate to miss something like this because I'm part of the wedding party. She's only going to have 1 of these, I hope, and it would be really messed up if I'm not there. I told him the places we are seeing to rent all have high security. The money shouldn't be a problem. He says I'm a married woman with obligations, but I told him it's unfair because he went on a European and Hawaii trip with his brother when we were serious. He said it was different because we weren't married. I don't know what else to do or say to get him to change his mind. Please help me!

[Drifter83UK]

you should go regardless. You do love him right and are happy?
Ensure him he has no reason for concern.
He obviously thinks you're going to get drunk and get off with someone else... He's insecure so you must be cute 😝, lol sorry for the last part (I'm a cheeky git and can't help it).
Seriously though, so long as you let him know you're safe and doing well every now and then there's no harm.

If you just want to change his mind, simple solution is to use sex to get your answer, try option 1 though and be honest.
Your marriage will only be as strong as your foundation.

[InDetail]

I mean can you not have a good time without getting drunk, that one line "8-10 drunk girls in a foreign country is a recipe for bad decisions" would insult my pride, I can control myself and it really isn't too different assuming you all payed for things equally , ask him exactly what he did on his trip and promise to do the same, that's about all I can say, if it gets any bigger or if he gets angrier about this, I don't think you guys are ready to be married... freedom is needed, and obligations like what? what is he getting at that you'll throw away?

[tnkgrl]

1.) you want to go
2.) you can afford ( time and money) to go

Your husband 'won't let you go'? Wtf?
Does the party sound: Excessive probably, Unsafe - maybe.

Mostly to me it sounds like he's controlling who spends money on what. And saying '8 drunk women in a foreign country is a recipe for bad decisions...' fuck that. That's what I say. Think he'd feel the same way if his friend wanted to have a stag party in the same way? I don't fuckin think so.

[tnkgrl]

You will never always enjoy each other's money the same way.

This raises so many red flags for me. Get your own bank account and put your own money in it. Use it as a fun money account, or seriously have a discussion about spending. He can't tell you what to do with your money. You wouldn't tell him what to do with his? Would you?

I was married to a controlling man for 5 years, and he did similar things, we had a joint bank account, but I wasn't 'allowed' to spend OUR money on things for me because he would spin it as me being selfish, but he could spend money on whatever tf he wanted. And I let him because if I didn't I would get yelled at and lectured to all hours of the night. He wouldn't let me sleep/or sleep in our bed.

[tnkgrl]

You may never change his mind. You have to decide what is best for you.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

I don't necessarily think he's being controlling or selfish for the sole purpose of curb stomping his wife's happiness. I think he's legitimately concerned about the "things" that go on during these bachelorette parties, so maybe he hasn't voiced his concerns in the right away. Though, if he went to a bachelor party under similar circumstances while married, then it would be hypocritical to prevent his wife from going. by the way, the "things" are male strippers, alcohol, and possibly drugs.

[BeautifulPromisesx]

Since you really seem like you wanna go.. I'd ask my husband to come with me. He can just go off and enjoy the resort while I'm with the girls. But tbh if it was actually me I'd just stay home with my man. It's your life though.

[Losalt]

You think it's unfair he feels otherwise.
I doubt that you can change his mind.
I don't know if this is insecurity, selfishness or something else...
But let him know how important this is to you, that this isn't something that can ever be experienced again.
If he doesn't budge you'll either have to leave (possibly ask if your marriage was excessive use of money) or accept that.
Possibly also get some money of your own.
You're fully justified in being royally pissed at him for a while I think.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

Personally, I think he might think you might be put in an "uncomfortable" position where you might do something you'll regret. You do know what goes on during some of these bachelorette parties right? High possibility of alcohol and intoxication, plus male strippers can lead to you doing something that you regret. That's what I would be concerned about if my wife wanted to go to a bachelorette party.

[ShortCircuit]

Maybe you can come up with some sort of compromise? Maybe it would settle his nerves if you promised not to drink. That way, there would be at least one designated sober person present at all times. Just an example.

Plus, $500 isn't that much money. Go work at McDonald's for 2 weeks.

[Justinaveragedude]

He has a double standard. You have a right to go and if he won't be honest about his actual fears, (most likely that you will get drunk and sleep with someone), then you really him to grow up. He is your husband l, you love him, but this is your best friend, someone you also love. And if he can't appreciate that, he is being a bit of a bitch.

[Bezbozhnikustanka]

He should let her go, but, first he should force her to watch an entire series of "When Holidays Go Bad", it's about idiots who went bungee jumping, parasailing, hang gludeing etc, and ended up in wheelchairs. Worse still, none of these mupets had medical insurance and their parents had to sell their homes to pay their hospital bills.

[madhatters4]

yeah it's not fair or ok.
1. he shouldn't be so controlling
2. he should trust you
3. he can't hold you to a standard and himself to a different standard

[duces2ski]

very well said

[NaultD]

Just tell him the male strippers will keep the jock straps on unless they bring out the tequila shots.

[harambeISded]

He's sounds concerned for you and your safety.. maybe set up an agreement to call each other at certain times of the day to see how you're doing

[Bezbozhnikustanka]

In Britain we've just introduced a law to stop controls Greeks like your husband, a local man's just been convicted of trying to controls his girlfriend.

[Losalt]

Jeez, what on earth is going on with the UK? Oo

[tnkgrl]

This sounds great to me. How it the law stated? I could have used one of those about a decade ago.

[Losalt]

The problem with introducing things like that into law is that you can never make a law that works in every situation.
And when you go into the details of peoples lives that way it quickly becomes invasive interfering with how people actually *want* to live their lives...
The UK has past a whole series of laws in recent years that's extremely hostile towards the kink community.
People in the UK into BDSM are increasingly restricted in how they live their lives with multiple cases of them being jailed without either member of the relationship actually wanting such an outcome or feeling in need of any government intervention in the first place.
The members of the UK parliament simply have too boring sex life to see the issues they're causing with the laws they're passing.
Just another example of the issues with first past the post election systems...

[Bezbozhnikustanka]

@tnkgrl I don't know much about it, I'd forgoton such a law had been passed till I got to the bus station, there's a newsagent's in the bus station, and I saw the local paper "Beast gaoled for controlling girlfriend". I didn't buy a copy, but, I now remember it being on TV, men have been telling their wives and girlfriends what to wear. My paternal grandfather was insanely jealous, he banned his wife from playing the piano, she could,'be been a concert pianist, never let her leave the house unless he was with her, she got I'll, all doctors were men in the 1970s, well, nearly all, so, he wouldn't let her see a doctor and she died.

[Losalt]

And in such cases women should simply leave their partners.
The government should focus on helping people of both genders escape from abusive relationships and prosecute actual abuse like that.
But the UK laws in this area tends to be poorly designed causing a lot of false positives and negatives.
I haven't read this particular one so I of course don't know for sure.
But it doesn't *sound* all that promising to me...

[Prime_Sol]

You don't need help, you need to overt your husband.
He's explained more than well enough why you aren't being allowed to go.

[curiouschris1975]

It's your decision, if he can't handle that y'all have some issues to work on when you get back.. Aa have a blast be safe...

[Eybidi]

He might something jelious of it. He shouldn't controlling you. it is not fair

[Anonymous]

If it was for one night then no big deal but it's a few days in another country, maybe he can go too but just not the party

[AaronTupaz]

Can you bring your husband along?

[Asker]

I asked but he said he wouldn't even want to go to that. I asked if other husbands go would he be okay with that and he said maybe. He said it would help with the safety issue but he'd not be certain he'd let me go.

[Anonymous]

He has a point. You are married now.

[wubbalubbadubdub]

need help?

[jpick00]

Don't go then

[Anonymous]

don't go then