My husband doesn’t want me to go out?

[Twincapersredmomma]

My husband and I have been together since 2013. We had a good marriage until this year.
the kids and I moved to a new city because he wanted to be closer to his family and I found a great job in their city. He had to stay in our old city because it is a contract job until November this year.

He was suppose to come down to visit a lot more than he did.
We live in a duplex with his family in the bottom unit and me and the kids in the top, his family is nice but controlling and judgmental.
I have no friends here. I have coworkers and I’ve tried being friends but they all get together after work and I don’t.

Recently, I’ve been telling my husband I want to go too and he’s saying if I do it’ll be the end of our marriage. He says I should want yo hangout with them without him and since he’s not there I shouldn’t go. I tell him I have no friends and he says I’m a mom. It should be enough.

My coworkers are guys and girls, but most are younger and dating, not married, only a few have kids.

But as an example- one of them is a DJ.
He invited everyone to a club he is DJing at, I told my husband I want to go and he freaked out and said if I go, we are over because he doesn’t want a wife who wants to go to a club.

I told him I’m lonely, I want to make friends but all I do is work, be a mom and then I’m with his family almost every second I’m not at work (again they are controlling)
And he just gets mad. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do. He keeps saying “we will make friends when I’m there. Make friends with our kid’s school friend’s parents. Which I’ve tried! Im white and live in an area that is 95% Latino and Spanish speaking, and they just don’t want to be my friend. It sucks.

[sheikalana]

I'll be very honest with you. My parents been married for over 30 years. My mom had to move countries and continents to marry my dad. She had to learn a new language and didn't have any friends or family around. Growing up I never saw my mom going out or hanging out with friends and I never heard her complaining that she was feeling lonely or didn't have any friends. Her kids and her husband have always been her priority and I repeat more than 30 years later they're still together and as happy as ever. I'm not saying you should do the same or be the same type of woman but when you're married and have kids your priorities need to change.

[Spongebobssocks]

I agree with your husband. Clubs are for single people there is no reason for you to be at a club at all and esspecially not without him. They are toxic evironments anyways so if I were you I wouldn't go clubbing

[Twincapersredmomma]

It’s more than this time, this time is the club.
It’s been them going out to dinner- I can’t go
Them going on the CEO’s boat, I can’t go.
Then staying after work, I can’t go.
I’m getting left out of decisions at work that are made after hours, I have no friends and my husband says I can’t sleep d time with the people that would fix both issues

[Spongebobssocks]

Why dont you go with him?

[Twincapersredmomma]

He doesn’t live in the same city right now.
When he is here and they invite us out it never works out. He always has other stuff to do.
So basically, I’ve been alone with this family and our kids for a year.
No friends

[Spongebobssocks]

Okay well tell him you need friends in your life and then see how you two can solve it

[Twincapersredmomma]

Girl I’ve tried, he just says we will make friends when he is here

[Spongebobssocks]

Tell him to move in? I would sit down and try to work it out but if he doesn't wanna work on it then maybe its best to end it

[Lliam]

Your husband is a fucking dick.
He's completely insensitive and unwilling to even have a conversation. How much does he care about you if he threatens to end the marriage if you go out for some fun with co-workers?
Talk about insecure and controlling. And he comes from a controlling family.
Plus he has cheated on you.

I think you need to find a way out of that marriage. Start by documenting his behavior.

[Iron_Man]

No man wants their wife going to a club, especially if he’s not there, go out to the movies go out to the mall go out to the ocean go out to a restaurant and do natural things with your family that are harmless. Have you seen the movie Scarface about the clubs? I rest my case.

[artgorgeous]

I feel you and him at the same time. Maybe try finding yourself a side hobby section (painting, sport, cooking etc.) and start going there. Maybe there you'll find friends, and not only friends but useful side-skill. It's not a nightclub and it's a decent and quiet place to spend time. Maybe this can be a compromise for him.

[Twincapersredmomma]

That would be ideal. Unfortunately, getting my in-laws to watch the kids without treating me like I’m going out to cheat it’s gonna be the problem. I’d love to take up rock climbing again

[artgorgeous]

Ask them whether they want you to get a GPS bracelet so they can track where you are. Ask them if this should be that ridiculous so they can trust you.

[DextroShade]

Going out to bars and clubs without your man is completely unacceptable, especially if you have small children at home. Your husband is a smart man with reasonable boundaries and no, his family isn't "controlling" because they won't babysit so you go out partying. The only purpose of the club is for singles trying to hook up so it is no place for married women. Marriage and family involves sacrifice, and he is sacrificing too. Stop being selfish.

[Truthatanycost]

All of that and you leave out arguably one of the most important bits of information?

'He has cheated a fair few times, I have not. '

[Twincapersredmomma]

Why is that most important?

[Truthatanycost]

Often when we do something wrong, particularly if we don't repent, admit or address it, we project this onto others. Thus even if with a loyal partner, these traits (we didn't deal with) can be projected and they will be looked at with suspicion.

[TonyMetal___86]

Marriage and family comes 1st, do what is the best for your marriage and kids...

No decent wife and mom would go to clubs, hiw about clubbing alone...

Wait till he comes back so you solve this issue together...

[Anemone978]

If you are unhappy leave.. you have a job and the kids just move..
If you love and want to stay with him just wait.. your choice..

[KrakenAttackin]

@anemone978. "Just move... with the kids". A woman who tried to steal my children would suffer the rath of hell. Fuck you and your "take the kids" attitude.

[Anemone978]

@KrakenAttackin LOL my husband took mine so I had to come back to him.. yeah if she has the kids she might as well take them, he ain't looking after them anyways.. its not like he couldn't get visitation or 50/50 so shut up..

[KrakenAttackin]

@anemone978. He took your kids because you are unfit.

[Anemone978]

@KrakenAttackin OKAY.. How am I unfit when I am the one who took care of them? He didn't even raise them while I was gone he had his mother take care of them. Had we actually divorced I most likely would of got them..

[KrakenAttackin]

@anemone978. So you are not divorced? Why?

[Anemone978]

@KrakenAttackin Couldn't be bothered and we are now back together..

[KrakenAttackin]

So be grateful and stop bitching about your man.

[Anonymous]

He's stupid!
This is why you must always analyse the person very well before marriage
He might be very good person in every other aspect.. but restricting your wife to go out to have a time for herself once a while is cocky

[Danny_dan92]

Your marriage is already in the shit can. Just file for divorce and move on with your life already. Might as well, you already are physically separated living in two different places.

[KrakenAttackin]

You need to respect your marriage and not go clubbing. Your husband is right. If you can't contain yourself for just a few months you are a shit wife.

[Twincapersredmomma]

It’s been nearly a year.
It’s not necessarily about the club. That was just one instance, he doesn’t want me to go anywhere.

[KrakenAttackin]

No man wants his wife putting herself in situations where she could end up hooking up with some rando. Good men don't put themselves in these situations as well. Just don't. Respect your marriage or file for divorce.

[Reem12345reem]

ur wasting your life , get divorce before it's too late and before u get old

[DextroShade]

She would be a baby momma so it's already too late. You get no better than your baby daddy.

[Reem12345reem]

@DextroShade she's most likely going to spend on him , the baby , and herself bc he doesn't even care spending on her , she's better off without him and just spend on her and the baby bc it's clear he's using her for the money , he just plays ps all day

[DextroShade]

She will still be much worse off as a single mother, aside from the fact that she would be wrecking her own family and ruining her kids' lives.

[Grovermint]

He has cheated a fair few times, I have not.

Get a divorce. Do it asap. Clearly this marriage is in the crapper.

[riverrat3]

He seems to be afraid you may cheat on him, his actions of mistrust may push you to it

[BigDog1989]

Sounds controlling to me, butttttttt

[LazerBean]

Dump that nasty hoe.

[Anonymous]

Your husband don't trust you?

[Twincapersredmomma]

He says he doesn’t trust other men.
At which point I said “ah you caught me! I was planning on having sex in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by my coworkers and boss!”
He was angry when I pointed out how ridiculous it sounds.
And for the record
He has cheated a fair few times, I have not.

[Opinion Owner]

Damn he is insecure n he knows deep inside that you deserve better...

Ma'am are you happy?

[Twincapersredmomma]

Hell no. It’s miserable to be in a city without friends, all I have is his family and I’m not close with them. He has 3 sisters but they like his brother’s girl friend better and whenever I ask them to hangout they say no. So they don’t even want to be my friend.
They are Latino too. It’s so annoying. I’m so out of place here. I’m usually great at making friends but I can’t crack the culture here or something.
I love my kids and being with them gives me joy. But other than that and being good at my job, it all sucks.
I’m just alone with no one to talk to after the kids go to bed every night.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh my living in different cultures without friends is like prison...

Why don't you make online friends to talk so you don't feel alone. ?

[Twincapersredmomma]

I have, that’s all I have along with texting my friends back in my old city.

[Opinion Owner]

Do you remember last time when you go out with friends at clubs?

[Twincapersredmomma]

When I was single all the time. After we were together, even dating, I was never allowed. He didn’t even want me hanging out with friends alone. So he always came

[Opinion Owner]

Such a wonderful heart you have ❤️

[DextroShade]

Marriage isn't about happiness it's about raising children, duty, honor, and respect.