I didn't change just because I'm dating someone, I still offered girls-nightouts, and when our whole group would organize hangouts (usually by me) , sometimes my Man comes too because he wants to get to know them, but not all the time, we're not clingy and he understands that i want my time with my friends, and when we're all together my closest friends all they can do is give him that weird look... He's an angel and honestly I will not loose this amazing man for my friends that are not even happy about me.
I have been through hell and back with my previous relationship that lasted almost 10 years, 10 years of misery, they know how hard I had it, I even gave up on ever settling again... and this Man that I met last year changed everything for me, and they see how good he treats me and how happy I am , they saw him working hard for me for a whole year... I am just so confused, I see them planing things without including me, they are not as active on our groupchats.
After continously asking, BECAUSE YES I DID TRY TO TALK, they say it's all good and nothing wrong... now I just gave up, I have no Idea what to do, I wanted at least closure so I can move on. I have no clue what to think... help guys
- 1 mo
They want partners in crime... not some chick that shows up with their man.
I'll put it like this... they'll be all up in your shit and wanting to hang out if you put it out there that you want to cheat on him. That's just how women are.
They don't like you if you're happy. This is how women are. You're too happy... the crabs in the bucket will pull you down with them if they can... but if they can't get that chance, they probably want nothing to do with you. It's women... what did you expect?
Want them back? say you want to cheat. Complain a little about him and they'll push you to cheat. They'll suddenly want to hang out and get you into situations for cheating. That's what women do. Deep down they just hate you and you being successful is like a sick burn to them. They hate you for that and would love to see you fuck it up. Those are the "friends" that now want nothing to do with you just because you found some happiness outside of that little world they have.
If you don't believe me... watch them and how they act with each other over time. Bookmark me saying this, because once you see it yourself... I like to be told that I was right.14 Reply- 1 mo
Think about it... they were down when you were down and out with the other guy huh? What changed? Just saying. I'm old as fuck and seen it play out so much I could write a scientific book about it. Older than my profile says and seen too much.
- Asker1 mo
Thank you for answering, and it is painful but I think i have to accept the fact that you are right... it's just, I am not that woman, when i see people i care for happy i am happy for them...
I have been there for them, I applauded them when they had something or did something good, I motivated them... and now for once that I am happy, they turned their backs and what is worse, this man is AMAZING and I am ashamed to tell him about this... although I do not keep any secrets with him because our communication is bomb, but this detail is just too hard for me to swallow and it is too hard for me to talk about to him... because he respects them because of me... This is so confusing to me I hate it and I hate that I feel like this - 1 mo
"this man is AMAZING and I am ashamed to tell him about this..."
I think you know why when it comes to those women just like I do.
It's time to make new friends. The world doesn't start or stop with them. They'll hook up and cheat, get stuck in shitty relationships, or some guy that kicks them in the teeth. Leave that behind now... they're old news. They're the kind of drama doesn't have to be your modern day news.
I think you just got to move on. I mean, feel free to congratulate one when they also break the cycle... but don't expect a bunch of bitter bitches to be happy for you. Just look at them and recognize the things they do and continue to do that makes them not like you. - 1 mo
It's funny how "not like you" and "not like you" can have so very different meanings in this language. One means they are not similar to you, and the other means they have destain for you... like contempt.
Both meanings seem to flock together. Funny that.
Most Helpful Opinions
2.4K opinions shared on Dating topic. I’m engaged now, going into our third year together in February, but in the beginning of my relationship I was going through the same thing with my friends of 15+ years.
Within the first 7 months with my fiancé I lost both of those friends. In both instances I really feel like it was a case of them being unable to adjust to the changes. Like I was the same as you, really trying to maintain my independence, not be consumed by my relationship and trying to maintain a sense of normalcy with my friends. I just wasn’t as available as I used to be.
Before, unless I had work or some other plans, I was always free to hang out and I saw them several times a week usually. Being in a relationship, I had to prioritize him just as much and I don’t think they could handle it. I do wonder if we (you and I) play a bigger hand in these friendships not working than we realize. In which case I’d say, if these friendships are worth it then maybe you should try having a conversation with them about all this and see how they feel. I tried talking with one, and with the other it was just so ridiculous I wasn’t going to try. But it may not be the same for you. No, don’t lose your relationship for a good man, but if it’s only been a year then you still have more to learn about him and if you were wrong, it would be nice to have your friends still, rather than feel guilty, as if you didn’t try.20 Reply
- 1 mo
Probably because what you bonded over "how hard it was to find a good man" just isn't something that you can join in on anymore without coming across as patronizing. As you know, there's no "secret sauce", you got lucky, but that's what also makes it feel just so terribly unfair to them.
Also, when you do become a couple, you do change whether or believe it or not. You spend your time on different hobbies, maybe different shows, maybe you're a lot more okay with doing nothing two weekends in a row (at least I was when I first got my man).00 Reply
- 1 mo
You know there are possible reasons as to why they’re acting weird and I would just be direct and ask them. Just say I’m not going to be mad but why are y’all so weird around him?
One reason is maybe they just wanted a girls night without any guys. I mean I know you’re not that one friend whose dragging their significant other around to everything we all know someone like that. The boyfriends always at girls night or the boyfriend is always with the guys lol.
I do know another possible reason and that’s….. Jealousy. They see you found someone whose absolutely wonderful and it makes them envoys inside unfortunately some people are like this instead of being happy for someone it pisses them off. Because they don’t have it. It’s a a sad reality but it maybe isn’t the reason it’s just a possible one.
Another possible reason is maybe they’re sexist maybe they have a problem and feel weird around men in general. That’s a possibility.
I am NOT saying this is the case and in some cases peoples assumptions are wrong. If they see something in him you don’t see or know something about him you don’t. I’ve seen people pretend to be someone they’re not before. Someone just thinks they’re hers or his soulmate bla bla bla and it ends horribly. But that’s another topic.
24 Reply- 1 mo
you forgot another possibility here. mind you i am quite cynical about dating and relationships but also an usually see other not so negative possibilities. they could be hiding something good for you such as he has them helping with an engagement surprise or some other special day/party. looking at the context of tjey seen how baddly the previous guy was and how good this guy is plus its been at least a year with him and the way she has worded it comes across as they are planning sometging without including her in the making of what ever it is. one major question towards this possibility is how long this planning has been going on.
another negative possibility is either one or more have seen do something lile cheating or has dated him or someone close to him on the past and know somerhing not good from his past that possibly involves sometging not good about themself/themselves and are partially trying to sheild her feelings from that or seeing if that from the past is no longer how he is. - 1 mo
@magiusX26 you’re right anything is possible but at the same time if that is the case there are better ways to go about things.
Also if two people start acting weird around one another like your significant other and a friend….. Especially when they were perfectly normal before. That’s a big red flag, yes there could be something else going on but it’s weird to say the least - 1 mo
@magiusX26 and you’re right it could be anything
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16Opinion
2.4K opinions shared on Dating topic. Because your so called friends’ are toxic friends’ they are jealous over your happiness , they are jealous that you found yourself a guy that treats you with love and respect. They no longer include you because you are no longer single and they can no longer manipulate you to be what they want you to be. A true friend will be happy for you and support you in your relationship, they won’t try to pull you away from your relationship , Toxic friends try to sabotage your relationship because they are jealous they don’t have what you have , Why couples should never choose their friends over their partner if they want their relationship to survive the long haul , your partner should always be your top priority over your friends no matter what
111 Reply- 1 mo
My advice to you is to just focus on your partner , and move on from those toxic girls’ Single girls’ can be very selfish and manipulative to their friends’ when they are jealous over what their friend has that they don’t have , yes it sucks to lose friends’ but if they were truly your friend? , they would be happy for you not jealous of you. The same shit happens with single guys’ when they are hanging out together , the second one of them meets a girl that he really
Likes , some of those friends’ will not be happy for him , they are jealous that he has a girl and they don’t , I have witnessed and experienced this plenty of times. It’s actually pathetic. When I get into a relationship with a girl , she becomes my top priority , my friends’ do not come before her no matter what , if she isn’t included , I am not included either , any friend that tries to exclude your partner is not a friend , a good friend won’t mind if your partner comes or not. Not saying your partner has to go everywhere with you but your partner should be your top priority first , before making the decision. One thing I learned to look out for with friends , is if they make it clear to you, that they don’t want your partner coming. That is toxic manipulative personality, that you should really reconsider staying friends with that kind of person , Not once has any of my good friends has told me to make sure you don’t bring your girl with you? If one of them told me those words , they will no longer be my friend , just an acquaintance maybe. So trust me you losing those friends’ shouldn’t be a big loss to you , those type of friends will try to manipulate you to do something bad behind your partners’ back so they can have you all to themselves. The second one of them meets someone? They will leave you in the dust. So it’s ok for them to meet someone but not ok for you to meet someone , they aren’t friends , they are toxic friends’ let them go , they should no longer be worth your time - Asker1 mo
I agree with this, also because me and my man established a very strong bond and stability that I always prayed for... i will not loose this because my friends don't appreciate my happiness... and it hurts, because I would always applaud them, motivate them, be there for them when they needed me... now?
This breaks my heart, and this is the only thing that my Man does not know because I am ashamed to tell him... - 1 mo
Don’t be ashamed to tell him , he will more than likely be happy knowing you chose him over your so called friends’ When I was younger I use to prioritize my friends’ over whichever girl I was dating , thinking my friends’ will always be there for me no matter what , and sadly I found out the hard way , most friends’ will not be with you for the long haul , but your partner will be if you choose them the same way you want them choosing you , your partner should always be your top priority if you want a long lasting happy relationship with them , it won’t always be perfect , but they more than likely will choose you the same way you choose them. Friends’ will do the same shit to you , when they finally meet someone. Everyone of my friends’ pretty much disappeared the second they got into a relationship with a girl , so it just goes to show , why it’s important to choose your partner , I am not saying you have to be enemies with your friends’ just don’t make them a priority , cuz they more than likely won’t make you theirs , once they meet someone they fall for. I have lost a lot of friends’ that were jealous of me when I met an amazing girl that took my heart , instead of being happy for me , they were jealous of me , because they didn’t have what I had. I actually knocked out some of them because they went behind my back and made up bullshit lies to my current girlfriend , to try to make her want to break up with me , and some of them tried hooking up with her , so is that a friend? Lucky for me , my girlfriend told me the truth about what some of them said about me behind my back and told
Me they were trying to hook up with her , , and she knew it was fucked up and bullshit as well , sadly some partners’ will not think it’s bullshit when they hear a friend bashing their own friend. , so I honestly lost all respect for those friends’ and when I saw them I confronted them , and they couldn’t look me in the eyes because they knew they were caught red handed - 1 mo
And they knew they were pieces of shit , so I clocked them and dropped them to the floor , they didn’t fight back because they knew they were a POS person and that they deserved what they had coming to them. I even dated girls’ that her so called friends’ tried hooking up with me behind her back. So that’s why I do not prioritize friends’ over my partner
- Asker1 mo
So I talked to him, and he said that maybe they need time to adjust to this change, he has such a good heart and told me to not neglect them and to maybe spend more time with them. WELL, i asked them if they wanted to do something this weekend because I will keep it free for them, each had something else to do and told me they where busy... sooooo well, i told my man and said wellp... this weekend is ours
I have no idea what more to do - Asker1 mo
yes I will try to do that, It's just I'm such a people pleaser it almost sucks... thank you so much for your time it helped me a lot
- 1 mo
I use to be that way , until I realized most people only really care about themselves and don’t really care about other peoples’ feelings until it’s convenient for them. You will eventually find out who your true friends’ are , basically the ones that stand by you and support your happiness and your relationship with your partner. All the others’ will just disappear because it isn’t about them
- Asker1 mo
Well yes.. sadly... it stings though, thank you so much really you're awesome
- Asker1 mo
Also I wanted to pick your answer as the best but I think i let too many days past and it was chosen automatically, just so you know if it was up to me I'd choose yours so thank you again
1.1K opinions shared on Dating topic. Sorry to hear that. It's your classic case of single women being jealous because you have a good relationship. Women who are single are like this a lot. They hate knowing one friend has a man, is having sex and they're not, or even close to marriage and they're not.
Sometimes they will even go as far as to try to influence their friend who is in a relationship to drop that guy so they can all be single together - which is pretty sick. But it looks like they aren't able to change your mind like that because they see you're really close to your man which is good, so their best idea is to just cut you off. Let them have it. They've shown you how little they value your friendship, so you don't need to waste your time.
13 Reply- Asker1 mo
Thank you for your kind answer, this is very painful though, I would never be like that, I'd be happy if I see my girls happy... well I guess I'm on my own, well my Man is also like my best friend, but I'm honestly ashamed to talk to him about this, since he also respects them due to them being my friends.
They know very well they would not be able to manipulate me regardless, and to be honest it's not that they are not dating, but they date Men that ghost them, and meet them from dating sites and clubs, and wonder what went wrong.
WELL, I just will stop running after them at this point and focus on myself...
THANK YOU SO MUCH - 1 mo
I was going to say they are probably the types who date all the wrong guys. That would explain it. They are also probably the types who complain that no guys want them, yet act stuck up and unapproachable. Very common cases with women who are single, and they are single for a reason but don't see what they need to work on. Or don't WANT to work on it.
- Asker1 mo
No they don't want to work on it, and try to jump into fast situationships, I guess it makes sense now... I feel bad and it will take me some time to digest, but I have to put myself first now
1.9K opinions shared on Dating topic. Are you just now learning that most women HATE to see another woman happy, especially if she has something they don't have, and will work with ant-like industry to dismantle her happiness or will isolate her and shut her out? Because this is a very common, and very old story.
Single woman give terrible advice to their friends in order to keep them single too. And if one of them gets a boyfriend, they either try to break them up or they backstab their "friend" to destroy her happiness. The only way most women can cooperate is destructively.04 Reply- 1 mo
Two times today... But this time, your train of thoughts is... Just comical. If they were so destructive as you pretend it out of the blue, then...
Why do you fear feminism so much, MrDebacle, you shouldn't?🤣
- Asker1 mo
This is terrible... and no I would not expect something like this because I AM NOT LIKE THAT... when I see my people happy I am happy for them.. this is so sad I hope it's not the same case because It will break my heart
- 1 mo
I'm not saying that all women are like that, but look around you and pay more attention, and you will see that it's very common. These are the same women who would claim to "support the sisterhood", but such claims are mostly performative rather than being believed morals and values.
Again, exceptions exist - there are others like you - but they aren't the rule.
Keep your eyes and ears and especially your mind open and really observe the women around you for a couple of months, and then come back and tell me what you saw. - 1 mo
@MrOracle
Sure, as if you had eyes, ears and mind more opened than mortals. Even if you were not running an ideological show here, then you would still come from a specific culture, specific surroundings, you would have a specific personality influencing your perceptions and judgement. So, really stop trying to sell objectivity here, you have nothing like that in your hands, it's technically impossible.
- 1 mo
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there is no reason to distanse yourself from a friend just because they have started seeing someone. im reading through your text and i can't really see something that would give your friends a reason to back of... my honest take is that they might be knowing something that you dont. does it have to be a bad thing? absolutley not. But im not getting a good feeling about it.
try to talk with your friends and see whats going on. i hope your friends are just giving you time in your new relationship and that you guys can go back to being close again soon.
02 Reply- Asker1 mo
I tried to talk to them plenty of times, and I don't think there is something that they know and are not telling me. I think it's deeper than that but I hope we will find a common path
- 1 mo
from what i read in your respons i dont feel like your friends are being entirely honest with you. But im not going to insist you continue pressuring them for a reason why the are distansting themselfs. i hope what ever happens that things will end up good for both parties
1.6K opinions shared on Dating topic. Are your girl friends single? On the reverse side I have found single girl friends can be very jealous at a man coming along and taking the girls attention or some of it at least. My girlfriend still had weekly catch ups with one in particular but she never stopped trying to sabotage.
It was difficult to deal with but at least my girlfriend saw through her and didn't allow her poison to work.
I think you are best off without them because a good friend should not to impact negatively on your life. They are trying to make it him or us.00 Reply- Anonymous(25-29)1 mo
your boyfriend is not their "friend". You can't just pull some random person into a group and make people befriend each other. You and your friends get along, thats why you all are friends. They might not get along with him that way. Yes, it is ok to introduce your boyfriend to your group once but its not ok to force your friends to see him as one of their own.
Sure, there might be a possibility they might be jealous but there can be also a possibility they might not be. People are selective on who they consider to be "Friends".
10 Reply 2.2K opinions shared on Dating topic. Sometimes people get jealous. Eons ago one of my single best friends ghosted me when he heard I was with a great woman. Invited him to a going away party for us and he never would talk to me again. Lol. Some people are just weird.
Typically couples don't want to spend a bunch of time with single people anyhow tho. And when I was single I wasn't interested in being a 5th wheel on an outing. Not saying I would ignore my friend tho either.
00 Reply- 1 mo
Usually it's the opposite. Usually it's the people who get into relationships that start distancing themselves. One time me and 3 other guys all single went hiking, and we invited the only guy in our friends group who was taken, to come with his girlfriend. They were basically doing their own thing the entire time. All of us couldn't stand her, and we never invited them to hang out with us again.
In your case however, it just sounds like their jealous.
01 Reply- Asker1 mo
I am familiar that usually that is what people do, and I did not want to be that person... yet not I guess I have to be that person since I'm not even invited to their events anymore...
Well... cheers to me I guess
- Anonymous(45 Plus)1 mo
I suspect they see that inserting a man into a single girls only night out changes the dynamics and rules of engagement. You think he's great but they probably don't see the advantage. They may not want to admit it to you if they like you and like what he does for you.
Couples tend to hang out with I other couples perhaps because they are moving to a different stage.10 Reply My friends pulled away from me as they paired up and had kids. I have personally shied away from groups of couples as a result as inevitablely you will be third wheeling. But if you want some advice... go to the source. You want a relationship? Talk to couples. Stop talking to your single and bitter friends.
10 Reply2.9K opinions shared on Dating topic. Because if they want something badly and they see you have it it hurts them. They question what they have done wrong to not get what you have, they feel bad about themselves so then they figure fuck it they may as well lash out.
00 Reply12.2K opinions shared on Dating topic. They probably see your man as toxic and controlling.
01 Reply- Asker1 mo
LOL he's not though...
- Anonymous(36-45)1 mo
I think the issue is the age of your friends. Presumably they are also in their 30s. My observation is that women in their 30s who don't at LEAST have a steady relationship--if not are married--those girls tend to really lose their minds.
00 Reply You cannot marry your friends and you need someone who will be there for you, obviously your friends have let you down so move on
10 Reply- 1 mo
1. Jealousy
2. Not wanting to interfere.
3. Assume they will be discarded.10 Reply 3.5K opinions shared on Dating topic. Your friends suck.
00 Reply2.5K opinions shared on Dating topic. I WOULDA DONE THE SAME THING THEY DID
00 Reply2.7K opinions shared on Dating topic. That want fun people
00 Reply
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