Why do single friends distance from the ones that start dating?

Question

I didn't change just because I'm dating someone, I still offered girls-nightouts, and when our whole group would organize hangouts (usually by me) , sometimes my Man comes too because he wants to get to know them, but not all the time, we're not clingy and he understands that i want my time with my friends, and when we're all together my closest friends all they can do is give him that weird look... He's an angel and honestly I will not loose this amazing man for my friends that are not even happy about me.
I have been through hell and back with my previous relationship that lasted almost 10 years, 10 years of misery, they know how hard I had it, I even gave up on ever settling again... and this Man that I met last year changed everything for me, and they see how good he treats me and how happy I am , they saw him working hard for me for a whole year... I am just so confused, I see them planing things without including me, they are not as active on our groupchats.
After continously asking, BECAUSE YES I DID TRY TO TALK, they say it's all good and nothing wrong... now I just gave up, I have no Idea what to do, I wanted at least closure so I can move on. I have no clue what to think... help guys

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

I’m engaged now, going into our third year together in February, but in the beginning of my relationship I was going through the same thing with my friends of 15+ years.

Within the first 7 months with my fiancé I lost both of those friends. In both instances I really feel like it was a case of them being unable to adjust to the changes. Like I was the same as you, really trying to maintain my independence, not be consumed by my relationship and trying to maintain a sense of normalcy with my friends. I just wasn’t as available as I used to be.

Before, unless I had work or some other plans, I was always free to hang out and I saw them several times a week usually. Being in a relationship, I had to prioritize him just as much and I don’t think they could handle it. I do wonder if we (you and I) play a bigger hand in these friendships not working than we realize. In which case I’d say, if these friendships are worth it then maybe you should try having a conversation with them about all this and see how they feel. I tried talking with one, and with the other it was just so ridiculous I wasn’t going to try. But it may not be the same for you. No, don’t lose your relationship for a good man, but if it’s only been a year then you still have more to learn about him and if you were wrong, it would be nice to have your friends still, rather than feel guilty, as if you didn’t try.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

Probably because what you bonded over "how hard it was to find a good man" just isn't something that you can join in on anymore without coming across as patronizing. As you know, there's no "secret sauce", you got lucky, but that's what also makes it feel just so terribly unfair to them.

Also, when you do become a couple, you do change whether or believe it or not. You spend your time on different hobbies, maybe different shows, maybe you're a lot more okay with doing nothing two weekends in a row (at least I was when I first got my man).

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

You know there are possible reasons as to why they’re acting weird and I would just be direct and ask them. Just say I’m not going to be mad but why are y’all so weird around him?

One reason is maybe they just wanted a girls night without any guys. I mean I know you’re not that one friend whose dragging their significant other around to everything we all know someone like that. The boyfriends always at girls night or the boyfriend is always with the guys lol.

I do know another possible reason and that’s….. Jealousy. They see you found someone whose absolutely wonderful and it makes them envoys inside unfortunately some people are like this instead of being happy for someone it pisses them off. Because they don’t have it. It’s a a sad reality but it maybe isn’t the reason it’s just a possible one.

Another possible reason is maybe they’re sexist maybe they have a problem and feel weird around men in general. That’s a possibility.

I am NOT saying this is the case and in some cases peoples assumptions are wrong. If they see something in him you don’t see or know something about him you don’t. I’ve seen people pretend to be someone they’re not before. Someone just thinks they’re hers or his soulmate bla bla bla and it ends horribly. But that’s another topic.

V_Injector · Accepted Answer

They want partners in crime... not some chick that shows up with their man.

I'll put it like this... they'll be all up in your shit and wanting to hang out if you put it out there that you want to cheat on him. That's just how women are.

They don't like you if you're happy. This is how women are. You're too happy... the crabs in the bucket will pull you down with them if they can... but if they can't get that chance, they probably want nothing to do with you. It's women... what did you expect?

Want them back? say you want to cheat. Complain a little about him and they'll push you to cheat. They'll suddenly want to hang out and get you into situations for cheating. That's what women do. Deep down they just hate you and you being successful is like a sick burn to them. They hate you for that and would love to see you fuck it up. Those are the "friends" that now want nothing to do with you just because you found some happiness outside of that little world they have.

If you don't believe me... watch them and how they act with each other over time. Bookmark me saying this, because once you see it yourself... I like to be told that I was right.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because your so called friends’ are toxic friends’ they are jealous over your happiness , they are jealous that you found yourself a guy that treats you with love and respect. They no longer include you because you are no longer single and they can no longer manipulate you to be what they want you to be. A true friend will be happy for you and support you in your relationship, they won’t try to pull you away from your relationship , Toxic friends try to sabotage your relationship because they are jealous they don’t have what you have , Why couples should never choose their friends over their partner if they want their relationship to survive the long haul , your partner should always be your top priority over your friends no matter what

ManOnFire · Answer

Sorry to hear that. It's your classic case of single women being jealous because you have a good relationship. Women who are single are like this a lot. They hate knowing one friend has a man, is having sex and they're not, or even close to marriage and they're not.

Sometimes they will even go as far as to try to influence their friend who is in a relationship to drop that guy so they can all be single together - which is pretty sick. But it looks like they aren't able to change your mind like that because they see you're really close to your man which is good, so their best idea is to just cut you off. Let them have it. They've shown you how little they value your friendship, so you don't need to waste your time.

MrOracle · Answer

Are you just now learning that most women HATE to see another woman happy, especially if she has something they don't have, and will work with ant-like industry to dismantle her happiness or will isolate her and shut her out? Because this is a very common, and very old story.

Single woman give terrible advice to their friends in order to keep them single too. And if one of them gets a boyfriend, they either try to break them up or they backstab their "friend" to destroy her happiness. The only way most women can cooperate is destructively.

WendyJoel22 · Answer

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quickquesocheese · Answer

there is no reason to distanse yourself from a friend just because they have started seeing someone. im reading through your text and i can't really see something that would give your friends a reason to back of... my honest take is that they might be knowing something that you dont. does it have to be a bad thing? absolutley not. But im not getting a good feeling about it.

try to talk with your friends and see whats going on. i hope your friends are just giving you time in your new relationship and that you guys can go back to being close again soon.

RavVid · Answer

Are your girl friends single? On the reverse side I have found single girl friends can be very jealous at a man coming along and taking the girls attention or some of it at least. My girlfriend still had weekly catch ups with one in particular but she never stopped trying to sabotage.

It was difficult to deal with but at least my girlfriend saw through her and didn't allow her poison to work.

I think you are best off without them because a good friend should not to impact negatively on your life. They are trying to make it him or us.

Anonymous · Answer

your boyfriend is not their "friend". You can't just pull some random person into a group and make people befriend each other. You and your friends get along, thats why you all are friends. They might not get along with him that way. Yes, it is ok to introduce your boyfriend to your group once but its not ok to force your friends to see him as one of their own.

Sure, there might be a possibility they might be jealous but there can be also a possibility they might not be. People are selective on who they consider to be "Friends".

hahahmm · Answer

Sometimes people get jealous. Eons ago one of my single best friends ghosted me when he heard I was with a great woman. Invited him to a going away party for us and he never would talk to me again. Lol. Some people are just weird.

Typically couples don't want to spend a bunch of time with single people anyhow tho. And when I was single I wasn't interested in being a 5th wheel on an outing. Not saying I would ignore my friend tho either.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

Usually it's the opposite. Usually it's the people who get into relationships that start distancing themselves. One time me and 3 other guys all single went hiking, and we invited the only guy in our friends group who was taken, to come with his girlfriend. They were basically doing their own thing the entire time. All of us couldn't stand her, and we never invited them to hang out with us again.

In your case however, it just sounds like their jealous.

Anonymous · Answer

I suspect they see that inserting a man into a single girls only night out changes the dynamics and rules of engagement. You think he's great but they probably don't see the advantage. They may not want to admit it to you if they like you and like what he does for you.
Couples tend to hang out with I other couples perhaps because they are moving to a different stage.

Xtraclerk · Answer

My friends pulled away from me as they paired up and had kids. I have personally shied away from groups of couples as a result as inevitablely you will be third wheeling. But if you want some advice... go to the source. You want a relationship? Talk to couples. Stop talking to your single and bitter friends.

Juxtapose · Answer

Because if they want something badly and they see you have it it hurts them. They question what they have done wrong to not get what you have, they feel bad about themselves so then they figure fuck it they may as well lash out.

Nikki1989 · Answer

They probably see your man as toxic and controlling.

Anonymous · Answer

I think the issue is the age of your friends. Presumably they are also in their 30s. My observation is that women in their 30s who don't at LEAST have a steady relationship--if not are married--those girls tend to really lose their minds.

quadjo · Answer

You cannot marry your friends and you need someone who will be there for you, obviously your friends have let you down so move on

LiamJHayden · Answer

1. Jealousy 2. Not wanting to interfere. 3. Assume they will be discarded.

spartan55 · Answer

Your friends suck.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

I WOULDA DONE THE SAME THING THEY DID

eagle1951 · Answer

That want fun people

Why do single friends distance from the ones that start dating?

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