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So I met this guy on a dating app in mid summer. We hit it off and decided to meet. We live in different countries, so we meet somewhere in between. He basically drove over 6 hours to meet me. We spent the whole weekend there and he also invited me and paid for most of it. We also slept together. After we left, he said that he missed me already. Since the meeting, we've been texting basically every day. We didn't set up a new meeting cause he was waiting for some change of work. This didn't happen and I asked him if we're gonna meet again. First he told me, that he really feels depressed (he said that even before our first meeting) and he wants to take some sick leave. Then I asked again, and he said that he can't take off for for the rest of year. This was kinda a contradiction to me. It feels he's making excuses, but I believe that he feels depressed. Until now, he was also liking all of my stories, but he stopped. I'm currently on vacation, but he stopped liking any of it. Last time he posted something, he was with a group of people and there was also a girl whom he probably just added. But maybe it's also just a friend. We were still texting after that photo...
At the beginning he said he didn't want a hook-up and he drove very far to see me. Before the first meeting it wasn't a problem. And now it's suddenly a problem to meet... we were basically texting every day for 2 months and sometimes also calling or video chatting...
I kinda dont understand it anymore. What should I do? I kinda wished him all the best and said I don't deserve to be waiting. Actually after a first meeting we had a quick chat and he was like let's take it slowly and go with the flow - which is kinda a bad sign.
Despite that, he kept texting me tho every day...
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Damn girl, that is confusing. Long distance stuff can be so hard to read sometimes.
A few things stand out to me though. First, it is kinda weird how he went from driving all the way to meet you super eager, to now saying he can't take time off work for the rest of the year to see you again. Seems fishy.
The sudden change in the timeline and lack of effort to make plans raises some red flags. It's possible his interest has waned since the initial excitement faded. Or maybe something else changed for him, like meeting that girl in his last pic?
I'd be honest with him and say you need more consistency if this is going to work. Tell him you're unsure about continuing to invest your feelings without knowing where you stand. See how he responds - if he can't give you a clear plan to work towards, then his interest may really be drifting away slowly.
Long distance is super hard even when both people are fully committed. Since that level of commitment isn't evident here, it might be best to consider moving on. You deserve to be with someone excited to see you! Don't wait around or end up more hurt in the long run.
Trust your gut girl. If it's telling you something's off, listen to that feeling. You gotta look out for yourself first here. I know it's hard since you really like him, but stay strong! You'll find someone better who can't wait to meet up again.
Hi Oliver! Thank you for your insights.
I agree with you. I kinda contacted him again cause I felt a bit bad, because he seemed to me genuinely having some troubles. He told me he will start therapy soon etc. I'm not sure if it's an excuse, but I do believe it. It could be an excuse too to not see me again tho.
I'll definitely move on and focus on my own things. I do believe he's having troubles, but that shouldn't be an obstacle to something more with me...
You're welcome! And yeah, I think that's a really mature way to look at it - acknowledging his struggles could be real, without using them as an excuse not to put in effort with you. Mental health issues are definitely tough, but we all still have to treat people right, you know?
Starting therapy is a good sign that he wants to work on himself. But you're right that it shouldn't prevent him from putting you as a priority too in a relationship. The trouble is with long distance, it's just so hard to truly know what someone is thinking or if their feelings are changing.
Moving forward and focusing on you is the healthiest approach here. If he gets his stuff sorted and really wants to make it work, the ball is in his court to prove it. But in the meantime, don't let this hold you back from meeting someone new who can give you what you need. You seem super mature and caring - I'm sure there are guys out there who would appreciate that! Keep your chin up. Feel free to hit me up if you ever want to chat more about it :)
Yes, we were talking a bit and he even motivated me a bit, but he sometimes leaves my message unread for a few days while he is online... he also kinda makes time to meet friends etc, so not sure if he's that bad tho?
Honestly, I don't think there is much of a future with him, cause he kinda destroyed the spark and excitement by telling me that long distance is not right for him right now... also leaving my message unread for days even tho he knows I have important events etc...
But that's kinda a general problem with this dating nowadays... they all like me at the beginning and give me attention, but then they slow fade, ghost or ignore...
I really can't deal with that... I don't understand why they always lose interest so quickly?
This guy was one of the few who was still enthusiastic after first time sex and it seemed as he wanted to see me... but then suddenly he was like go with the flow...
If he contacts me again, maybe I should tell him to stop contact as I want to find someone long-term? He hasn't read my message in a few days and also kinda doesn't watch my stories again... I feel he's deliberately ignoring my or trying to show that he doesn't care/is not interested?
honestly... I kinda don't know if his mental issues are true or not... he mentioned being stressed even before meeting up the first time... I don't know if I should believe it? I have trust issues because all the guys I dated/was seeing broke up with me (never me with them). So I kinda don't really believe him... also he's not putting any effort anymore and I honestly think guys have always someone else when they end it with you. Honestly, I think most guys just can't be on their own, they always need female attention and/or sex...
Ugh girl, I totally feel your frustration here. Dating these days really does suck sometimes with all the hot and cold behavior.
This guy in particular is definitely sending off player vibes the way he's losing interest and leaving you hanging like that when you know he's active online. Mental health struggles or not, that's not how you treat someone you care about.
I wouldn't waste any more time or energy trying to figure out if he's being truthful about his issues. At this point, his actions show you exactly where his priorities are (not with you, babe).
If he does reach back out, I say be straight with him - tell him you need a man who's gonna match your effort and communication, not one who blows hot and cold. You don't deserve to be an option or afterthought.
Chin up, hun! Dating is a numbers game, so don't let one lame dude get you down. You seem sweet - you'll find someone worthy who treats you right. In the meantime, live your best life and forget about what's-his-face. His loss! Now go get you some ice cream, girl - you've got this! 💅
love it!
Ah man, real glad to hear you're keeping your head up! That's the spirit. You'll drive all the guys crazy staying so fine while they're out there clowning themselves.
I know it's tough not taking these fadeouts personally, but try not to let it get you down too much. These dudes are just showing their true colors early on so you don't waste time. Better now than after you're really invested, right?
And who cares what excuse this last guy gives - his actions already told you what you need to know. He ain't the one! Next. You'll find someone better in no time, I guarantee it.
Just focus on surrounding yourself with your real friends, people who actually appreciate you. Have fun living your best life and the right dude will notice, believe that. Maybe try meeting someone the old fashioned way - through friends or doing your hobbies. Sometimes apps just lead to more games.
But you do you, boo. Keep your vibes high no matter what these fools do. You got mad potential and any guy would be lucky to have you, so don't forget that. You got this! Hit me up anytime if you need an ear.
I don't think he's that into you. I was ready to defend him over the time off situation (not everyone can take a lot of time off work, and sick days are like one or two at a time, at most) but everything else you said makes it sound like he's not interested anymore. Sounds like you're already prepared for the worst, so it might just be best to not initiate any more communication with him. If you were a guy, I would have just said "see you in the gym, bro!"
hi, I agree... I think he lost interest and probably met someone else...
It happens to me all the time... basically all guys in the past 3 years have lost interest in me within the 2 months...
He told me that he can't have a long distance right now because of his situation and health...
He also said that he wants me to be happy and we can see what happens in future...
this doesn't make so much sense to me?
He's kinda breaking up, but leaving it open again...
I do think he likes me in a way, but just not enough.
But I kinda understand that long distance is not easy.
But he doesn't seem to be willing to explore more which makes me think that he met someone in his place...
I do think he likes me because he texted me important things and also important news from his life, like job news etc... so I do think that he liked me, but probably not enough, hahaha
I think your summary is dead on.
Hahaha, so true... but I kinda have this with every guy. 99% perrcent ditch me after 1-2 months or 1-2 meetings, but I'm kinda smart, pretty and interesting... maybe too good for them?
Unless you're deliberately picking out guys that are way less attractive than you, then I doubt that they're bailing because you're too good. Guys will chase the better girl, 99% of the time.
I mean my personality versus theirs... I am also quite good-looking, I get cat-called a lot or guys staring at me and talking to me on the street...
well, I assume he maybe found someone better... but it's kinda impossible that I'm just never the better girl for them in 99% of my experience...
I m not arrogant, but objectively I'm a great catch...
Yeah, if you come off as "I'm better than you" then a lot of guys will definitely bail. That just makes me for a bad relationship.
No I dont'... Im quite down to earth, but maybe they sense it
Sense what? And you come off this way to me, just in a GAG thread, so I wouldn't be surprised if guys pick up on the same thing.
I dont think that I am and even there would have been guys who like that. With this guy, I never thought that. I found him perfect for me...
But I'm 34, never had a relationship, just casual things. So my whole life, no one ever wanted to be my boyfriend..
And sometimes, there are very horrible people who get into a relationship
Anyways, regarding this guy, he always texted back within 24 hours... no he almost hasn't written in 2 days and didn't watch any of my stories on Instagram...
is he ignoring me now?
also, last week, he got bad news and has his bday, but maybe I put a bit too much pressure on him about meeting up? He was feeling really down cause of job
Yeah there might be guys that are into that, but I've never met one who is. Odds are better to avoid that kind of appearance. If you care. If you're attractive and no one ever wanted to be with you, it's either a personality flaw, or a really bad hygiene issue. Nothing else.
And yeah, it sounds like he's ignoring you. He might still come around, but I wouldn't invest too much emotion into it, if I were you.
The thing is, they do want to hook up with me, but they don't want to date me or have a serious relationship with me... so hygiene can't be the case...
yeah, he still hasn't opened my message nor watched my story, but he has been online...
So he's probably ignoring me...
Yea, he is not the one, hun.
Can you say more about it?
His lack of effort. I understand he is depressed, but still…idk…seems a bit weird.
He made so much effort at the beginning and planned our first date, wanted to video chat and everything... this seems a bit weird to me.
But its kinda normal. Every guy loses interest with me after the first meeting even tho they claim differently or text
so he basically told me that in his state he couldnt have a long distance relationship. he told me that he wants me to do my things and then we can see what the future brings... i mean what does he even mean?
You should stop talking to him. That is what it means. Don’t even try to make sense of it. You will confuse yourself.
yes, I agree