I use online dating but only for the attention. Is this wrong?

[Anonymous]

I read women's messages to me but I never respond to any of them. Is this wrong? I mean I'm not actually rejecting them.

[Oliverlogan263]

Eh man, that's kinda messed up to be doin that to girls online. I get enjoyin the attention feelin wanted n all that, but all those chicks are swipin thinkin they got a chance to meet up or start talkin. And then you ain't even givin em the light of day back. That's gettin their hopes up for nothin. Plus it's kinda deceitful to be on a datin site but not really be lookin to date, ya feel me?

I'd say if you ain't down to message girls back or meet up, then don't be on a datin app. Go on Instagram or somethin where attention ain't leadin anywhere. Them girls on tinder probs think somethin's up with their profile or they messaged the wrong dude if you ghost. Just ain't cool to be playin games like that, it'll prob mess with their heads thinkin it's them when really it ain't.

If you wanna feel wanted just for the ego boost I get it, but maybe find other ways than leavin girls hangin on a dating site. Or at least be upfront you ain't really lookin to hook up so they know what's good. Just my take - play fair with people ya know?

[Asker]

Instagram. OK I'll give that a try. I don't want to hurt anyone. Thanks man!

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem dude, glad I could give my opinion! Social media is definitely a safer way to get attention without leaving real people hanging. Instagram is a good call.

Post some cool pics of yourself doing stuff you enjoy and I'm sure you'll get likes and comments rolling in. Just focus on having fun with it instead of taking it too seriously. Who knows, through Instagram you might even end up finding some girls interested in chatting if you wanna go that route someday.

But no pressure - just do your thing and be you. Good job being open to feedback too, it shows self awareness. Keep doing you in a way that doesn't hurt others, and you'll be golden man! Let me know if any other questions come up.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

You must be rich n ripped at your age to be getting attention on dating apps you probably don’t quite look as old as 45 either. Congrats. Just use instagram to flirt, less expectations to meet you irl there.

Its weird behavior for a guy your age. Very sus

[Asker]

Well they're not all models (in fact most aren't). But they're all human beings. Anytime someone shows interest in you it a compliment don't you think?

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

No, its a sign of impulsivity, impulsive people tend to rack up a lot of mistakes. Also seeming desperate or too insincere for sake of convo out of lack of mental focus/boredom.

On the other hand when a woman who is not flippant with their compliments and who is probably often complimented by quality men, compliments or flirts I don’t usually take it for granted and I’ll likely appreciate it.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Its kinda predatory and cringe, do you even know the lingo of women in their 20s these days? Its like serial killer type of creepy

[Asker]

Impulsively? Why would person message someone they weren't interested in? Do women do that?

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Yea, same reason you are, for attention and validation. The fact she’s initiating it with someone apparently out of her league is desperate and disingenuous, she’s phishing as are you, but in a strange way for a grown man

[Asker]

But I'm not messaging them. I can understand why someone would go on a dating website and do what I do. As I said, I tell myself if I was truly interested I would message back. But somehow I never do. But I still like their attention. To flat out message and then ignore someone when they respond back. that IS mean. I wouldn't do that.

[Kayla45]

Using online dating primarily for attention isn't inherently "wrong," but it depends on your intentions and how your behavior affects others. If you're upfront about your reasons and not leading anyone on or giving them false hope, it's a personal choice that might work for you.

However, if your actions mislead others who are genuinely looking for a relationship or emotional connection, it could lead to hurt feelings or misunderstandings. In which case is pretty deceptive, I don’t think it’s very fair on the partner who is looking for a genuine relationship. Ultimately, it's about being honest with yourself and others about what you're looking for.

[Account]

Do what you want. If receiving superficial attention is enough to you, so be it. Just don't string along others.

[Asker]

I'm not. If anything they're stringing themselves along by seeing something in profile that isn't there. Don't you think?

[Account]

Sure go for it, it is none of my business 🤷🏻‍♀️

[HawkPerception]

In my opinion it is wrong. There are plenty of people that do it, but you're adding to the ratio on the app of people that are just unresponsive. You fueling your ego is hurting others making them think you just don't want to talk to them and they're not worth your time. You're adding to the toxicity of the apps.

[Avicenna]

That’s messed up for the women who are actually looking for something more than attention or a hookup.

[RubyFrench]

Before i was married i did the same thing. I loved getting attention but never let anybody get anywhere. I would end up actually replying to the ugly men out empathy ( i didn't want to make them feel like i was rejecting them (even though i had no intention of meeting up) I FEEL it made them happy knowing i would talk to them and give them the time of day as nobody else probably would, i was proned to ignoring the men who thought they were awesome and over confident, this would somehow make me feel good 'as bad as it makes me sound' ! As long as you don't hurt anybody there is nothing wrong with this. I personally think i did it because options were that open that it got boring, but i still loved the attention for my personal gain and somehow needed it! We are all human




I wanted the attention but didn't want the drama. This is actually a good thing and you could be doing a lot of crueler things.

[Asker]

Did that ever backfire on you? I haven't messaged any of them. The last thing I'd want to do is hurt anyone.

[RubyFrench]

It never did backfire no.. when I first started seeing my husband (after many boyfriends) I told him about it and he always knew that I had a problem with online attention (but he also knew that I didn't sleep around) so I think he was just happy with the fact that that was the extent of it. Now that I'm happily married I don't think the same way, but I remember when I did do that ^^

There was also one time where this bloke i found super attractive was in a pub and i met him in person for the first time (coincidentally) unfortunately for me he had held onto this and banged on about how i snubbed and ghosted him all night. Really let himself down, Devastated 😂

[MisterWack]

You never respond to them, that is fine I guess… Can’t reject someone if you’ve never spoke to them.

Though I will say if you ever end up dating in the future, one of these people might find out and you’ll be left with no one. Just worth mentioning.

[Nikki1989]

Most people use online dating for shits and giggles. Very few people take it seriously.

[Asker]

So I shouldn't feel bad about it then?

[KostasKouvalis]

I've never used dating sites, but I do that on other sites, even though usually I'm the one who reaches out first. Either I just need a quick fix, sometimes her too. Or, sometimes we simply don't vibe or are only interested in a specific thing.

[Curiouskitty99]

I also text people on the internet for attention. But yes, I can admit that it is a terrible thing to do. But it’s really hard to get out of it if you really crave attention from online. I think maybe you should put it aside and try dating in person. I think it could be helpful

[Lynx122]

A lot of people do that so at this point I feel like it's not even wrong anymore it's just expected.

[GrantArmstrong]

It's not very wrong but it is dishonest, unless it says on your profile that you won't be responding to anybody.

[Asker]

I guess that's true. I guess I can do that.

[Apple1996]

Eh online dating isn't really serious for most people so it's kind of fine but you are a bit to old to be doing this type of thing. I don't know what's up with older men and always needing to get validation

[Asker]

Probably somewhere along the same lines of older women always needing validation. And I don't know that I'd call it validation. I tell myself if a woman sends me a message I don't feel like I can ignore I'll respond. But I never seem to get that one that I feel like I can't ignore. I tell myself i don't respond to them because I don't want to waste thier time. Not unless I really think there's something there. And I just never get the feeling there is. At least not on my end.

[Apple1996]

Most older women are over the validation thing. That tends to be younger women needing validation

[Apple1996]

It's not wasting their time if you reply tho 😂

[moneymagnet24]

Who tf on earth take social media seriously?

[moneymagnet24]

Dating app* seriously

[Asker]

You don't talk to enough older women.😆 As I said if I get a message I cannot ignore. That basically doesn't happen.

[Apple1996]

@moneymagnet24 dating apps aren't serious for most people

[Apple1996]

No I have women grow out of needing validation even the past few years I've personally been over it. And it's really no big deal in my opinion

[tzdc21]

Yes it's wrong. You go there for attention while they're trying to find a date or a life partner. If I found out I was used just for attention, I'd feel pretty disrespected.

[HighValue]

You are behaving just as bad as many women and it will just ruin people's experiences that use those sites for finding a serious partner.

[avery58]

No, not really. I kind of do the same, I'm mostly there for a distraction... Although I do talk a little. But I'm not really interested in dating or even really meeting anyone right now.

[avery58]

Anyway I said in my bio that I'm just interested in talking a little and sharing experiences, and trying to divert my mind so yeah

[lightbulb27]

it's rude. find a healthier way to fill the need.

I don't believe the post because women don't respond that often, unless you have fake pics and writeup.

[ProbablyClueless]

Yup. It's a complete waste of people's time and energy, and you're doing it for self centered reasons.

If you aren't looking for dating, it's a willful misrepresentation to portray yourself as open to dating.

[midnightmoon05]

If you are married. It’s wrong.
if you have no intention in dating… don’t abuse that system. Get a life!

[TheSpaceGnome]

Your wasting the time of the women on there, and wasting server space, so yes, its wrong.

[Blkgrnlntrn]

It’s wrong. People are out there seriously trying and not getting any meaningful connection. It sucks.

[LiamJHayden]

t is the intentional wasting of the time of others, so in that respect I see it as wrong.

[Vegasrunner]

Why would it be wrong? Seems like a waste of time but it's your time to waste.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

As a guy? Thats new. Mostly I see girls doing that and I think of it as cheap and low level

[Curmudgeon]

How odd - it is nearly always the women doing this. You are unusual.

[noohair]

Online anything is fake compared to face to face. So do as you desire while online.

[rienna888]

Yeah it’s kind of wrong because when you don’t respond to them, they might get the hint that they’re lacking or not enough for you.

[Anonymous]

Not wrong I do the same things expect usually I respond to message for a days then go message someone else.

[Anonymous]

So basically you're a clown

[Asker]

No. Why does that make me a clown? I tell myself if I get a message that the woman is really putting forth effort, really seems like she wants to know me then I'll respond. But I'm just not feeling it.

[Anonymous]

But you're also making things harder for those that are using the platform for what it's there for.

[hiya9087]

It really depends on how you view the messages.

[Alwayreckles93]

No I think forgetfulness is your case.

[Crazzyyworld]

internet = scam

[Anonymous]

So you're a woman then?

[Anonymous]

No...

[Anonymous]

Attention and ego boosters

[thearchjoker]

Yes its wrong

[Maybeyoutoo]

Nope