Guys, What would make you consider dating a single mom?

[Singing_Hollow]

I know most men shy away from single moms due to the stigma, but would there be anything that would make you consider dating her?

[Summeroflove]

It depends on the man and a romantic rejection isn’t always equal to a judgment as to who you are personally, you have to remember being with someone who has kids carried on it’s own responsibilities something some people aren’t ready for.

It depends on the situation the single moms in, if she’s just a skank getting pregnant by random men no thanks. If she was married but got cheated on, abused, etc and she didn’t know he was like that until later that’s another story. If she cheated or abused no thanks. If she was raped then that’s another story. If she just made some choices but she’s taking accountability, being a good mom, and learning from what she did then that’s another story.

Every person is a case by case basis, so just having a kid out of wedlock. I mean what if her husband was killed in a freak accident incredibly sad. You just don’t know someone’s situation many times I’m a good judge of things but it depends on the person.

It’s just like a single dad I assume dating one would be a case by case basis.

[Singing_Hollow]

Exactly, very mature answer, thank you

[Summeroflove]

Your welcome

[normalice]

As long as there is mutual physical attraction, sexual compatibility, and no glaring personality conflicts.

However, when it comes to single mothers there is the tacit understanding that she would like some help raising her child and she may be so desperate for that help that she is happy to fake sexual compatibility or her ppersonality. This isn't necissarily bad, as a "fake it till you make it" approach would cease to be faked eventually, but also faking it until it is no longer necessary then dropping the act is an equally likely possibility.

Of course the whole thing is moot if her situation is not desperate. Then it's really only a question of whether or not I could tolerate the kid. And I suspect that would be much easier if I'm had my own.

[Singing_Hollow]

good point. You have to sus out the mother properly I think. Personally I have raised my daughter alone for her whole life, it isn't easy as I have no social life lol but if I find someone who I think is a good fit its not because I want help per say but rather because I can't fulfill the needs a father figure brings to the table and I worry if she doesn't get that Ill be sending another fatherless girl into the world and we all see what happens to the fatherless kids. Even though she is a straight A student and is the sweetest, I do feel she lacks skills only a man can give her. Obviously, I have my own personal reasons why I want a husband haha

[ohsheeT]

If you really want to get to know somebody really quick date a woman with kids..

And there's nothing wrong with that

Because she will show you exactly who she is just by the way she treats her kids... And if her kids come first their priority there's nothing better than that that's why I should be but you can see how strong how independent a single mom is as a human being as a person as a woman very quick and I think that's beautiful thing

[Singing_Hollow]

I think the independence might scare a few men away as there is that stigma that single parents are more masculine and that can be true but no mother wants to do it alone and be the man. We have to be both so our kids don't get out of hand but if a good man comes along Id gladly step aside. I like being feminine, I think most women do.

[ohsheeT]

Yes I did some pretty strong women before. They have to be independent they have to be strong they're trying to teach their kids who their mother is first of all and that no matter what you go through in life you can make it work. That is a good mother and then of course he gets his time their time together too and of course it should be very feminine. I have dated a few good single mothers before. I have dated a couple bad ones where they tried to make me priority over their kids and that just wasn't going to happen. I ended up walking away because I felt that her kids were priority and that's what she should have made them feel too

[BetaBucks]

Her being willing to take care of my kids like they were my own. And she would have to be really fit and attractive.

And I think we should distinguish between LTRs and casual dating in these questions. Pretty much any guy is willing to sleep with a single mom. They just won't progress into a full on relationship.

[Singing_Hollow]

lol yeah when to comes to getting off, I don't think it matters but I think most single moms don't just want that and you might find it hard getting rid of her lol

[BetaBucks]

Hahaha I bet

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't think so, I aim for a woman that's waiting for marriage to have children and that's not even the main reason, it seems like they have been through a part of life that I haven't been through yet and jumping into parenthood and a relationship at the same time all seems way too fast for me.

[Singing_Hollow]

Its goes hand in hand with maturity and age like you mentioned. at 23 n o man wants to have his own kids, let alone someone else's. I think the older you get the more at ease you are about the situation. :-)

[ChicoFromThe305]

Perhaps so but even with the proper age it can leave a few other things to consider and can lead to uncertaintys about wither it will work out or not but you do seem to understand the complications. 🙂

[Singing_Hollow]

I think one shouldn't put so much emphasis on the fact she has a kid. It should be treated like any relationship, you date the girl, sus her out and see if you two mix well. If you do then slowly meet her kid/s and take it from there. Its always good to understand the mother as a single person because it will alow you to determine based on who she is, if her kids are raised well and if you'll have issues with them.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yea I can understand that to a certain point but if you were to put yourself in my shoes and you maintained clean and pure with hopes of finding someone that is doing the same and that has no kids and are willing to have kids at some point and marry, how would you consider the situation? I think as someone that's so far invested into the idea and hopes of finding such a person, its beyond just an age issue to me, I'm not knocking down the idea of it but I think I owe it to myself to not give up seeking for what I've already invested my time in and not just throw it all away to someone that has already given themselves up to someone else but has children with them, I'm not sure what it is but something in my man brain poke at me to not be okay with it, although i keep an open mind as I don't know what the future holds, if that makes sense.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't want to be bothered by the idea but I am, maybe it's ego, immaturity, or both but I know I can't just be okay with it, I mean this in no offense to any single mothers out there since I'm positive there's many that just fell off with the wrong people or had complications and such situations don't speak for someone's inner beauty and for the way they are but I can't completely ignore the feeling of being left with someone else's left overs if that makes sense.

[John_Cobretti]

Should treat us well and we must not feel like just a sponsor to some else's child.. and the kid (s) should not hate us and we know that she would most likely love the kid more than us but don't make it too obvious

[Singing_Hollow]

Aww i like this answer. Very open and forward. thank you

[Anonymous]

Her proving that she doesn't fit the stereotype. That's the ONLY way.

a lot of women who are single moms isn't by accident. This why men do not take them largely as serious options. To make matters worse, a lot of single moms will go out of the way to hide they're different then the stereotype only to have all her skeletons come pouring out at some point. Just making that man much more likely to ever consider a single mom again.

In short, anyone can make a mistake. It's when you make a mistake and neither learn from it nor atone for it that is a turnoff to men. There is no primer example than a single mom.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing that would make me consider dating a single mom. The last time I turned one down, she became rude, angry and showed her true colors.

[Singing_Hollow]

Oh hectic, I dont think thats a mother trait but a women who can't accept rejection trait lol

[Anonymous]

Yes, if she is a really good fit for me otherwise. Like a truly special girl. My ex had a child but she was also phenomenal. We started as friends with benefits but we discovered that we were incredibly compatible, and I got along well with her child once introduced. So at that point having such an amazing girl by my side made the child a non issue it gave me a gentle opportunity of seeing what it was like being a father and discovering I am mostly ready for that.

[Opinion Owner]

Like to sum it up, with any bigger downsides like children, long distance, etc the question is effectively this: Will I probably be able to find someone as amazing without these downsides? If the answer is yes she doesn't have the chance. If the answer is no, she is truly special and its worth the extra effort that requires, then she's girlfriend material.

[Singing_Hollow]

Ahhhh I like this because you experienced it first hand. I think the bigger the pool is the less likely a man will go for the single mom but as his pool gets smaller and older, he might find that there are good single moms around, some even better than the 20-somethings with nothing but boobs for brains lol

[Anonymous]

It depends on how/why she became a single parent.

If she was widowed or her husband was an asshole who left her and her children through no fault of her own, I would definitely consider it.

If she got pregnant due to irresponsible choices or having casual sex with a man she wasn't confident would stick around and be a good husband and father if she got pregnant, I would not consider dating her.

[Singing_Hollow]

Great reply, I think its important to consider individuals based on the bigger picture. I understand why most men shy away from single moms. I have seen a lot who act a fool and are a sad excuse for a mom.

[Berethor]

I look for a virginity, while single mom is obviously an used goods, very good looks might make me consider, though even then I really don't want to raise another man's child.

[Singing_Hollow]

Todays age finding a women who is of legal age that's a virgin is very slim and not easy to come by which is maybe why men tend to go after the really young girls but that being said I think for a women its good to keep in mind that we are no mans first choice unless we are virgins.

[Berethor]

Yea that one of the reasons men go for young girls, yea non-virgins are not first choice.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php

[Singing_Hollow]

So globally only 38% of males and female combined between 18 and 24 are virgins. The chances of you finding a virgin within the legal age is extremely slim and then you also look for beauty which drops the number even lower and then you have to include religion because most virgin women are living in places where their religion plays a big role in there purity and you'll have to match that. a lot of factors at play and that exclude the fact that women prefer a man that can financially support her and unless you can do that and keep her happy then the percentage for you finding a virgin like winning the lottery or less.

[Berethor]

Winning the lottery, or being desperate and taking a single mom, by the way when it comes to virgin women my standards for beauty are lower, virgnity is offsetting bad looks.

allthetropes.org/wiki/Nature_Adores_a_Virgin

[Singing_Hollow]

hmmm okay, Im just trying to get an better understanding of the male mind and way of thinking.
I have come across men that said they would rather not continue their bloodline or be with another woman ever again if the only option was a single mom.
Then I had other men where they didn't mind at all and found the older they got, the more acceptable they found single moms.

[Berethor]

Old men tend to be desperate, would rather not continue their bloodline or be with another woman ever again if the only option was a single mom, wow that extreme, I actually been offered some single moms and in one case considered it kinda, but they far from being ideal women.

[Singing_Hollow]

Looking at society the childless ones look even more dodgey lol

[ParamountMajestic]

Being reminded by a kid running around that she got with other dudes would be annoying. However, if the girl is attractive like the one asking, it’s probably a situation I would end up in.

[Berethor]

Very good looks I guess, it's very hard of offset the baggage that a single mom bring.

[Singing_Hollow]

hmmm okay, so good looks is the first thing and then you look at the other things like if she is good wife material etc?

[Berethor]

I might, but if she was a good wife material she would not ended a single mom, right?

[Singing_Hollow]

You can still be a good wife and have a child. A wife and a mother are different tasks and have different criteria. Many reasons why she could have ended up a single mom, I think maybe finding out the reason first will help you assess whether you want to take that chance or not?

[Berethor]

Maybe, but it not only about taking a risk, it also about not raising other man's child.

[Singing_Hollow]

Okay, lets say you married and had a beautiful child but you died in a car wreck, would you rather your son or daughter be raised by a single mom or have another man teach your kids how to be ready and good in society?

[Berethor]

I rather not die, that a pretty hard question, so I am not sure what to answer to that.

[Singing_Hollow]

hahaha no stress :-)

[dudeinohio]

Compatibility in all respects
I consider it no issue to date single moms.

[dudeinohio]

I've dated single moms and have had no. problem doing so.

[martian13]

Attraction would, if she had her shit together, the fact that I'm a single dad probably would also. Having kids and knowing she has them and can take care of them would be another.

[EnjoytheDay777]

If we really connect, we share common interests, I like her personality.

[Anonymous]

Attraction, personality how they behave and how they involve you. Just because they have children it wouldn't put me off so in short the same things I'd be looking for in any other woman.

[woahhh152]

It would be the same as someone who doesn't have a kid.

You need a guy who is fine being with a single mom

[Singing_Hollow]

I think personally i have come to terms that I chose to keep my child with the knowing ill be doing it on my own and potentially never find love because of this. Id love to find my soulmate but sometimes we just have to accept the outcome of our choices and try and build the space around us as best we can without a partner. I don't hate men at all but because of my situation, I have to accept my fate.

[woahhh152]

It's not that. For example, growing up I imagined having a girlfriend then getting engaged -> married -> having kids. Cause I want to spend time just with my partner and then have kids.

So for that reason, I wouldn't date someone with a kid cause I want that time for me and her.

On the other side, I've come around people who are single and don't mind dating a single mom.

It's just personal preferences. And these days most people want to only have sex and nothing more. So it's hard to find a soulmate whether you are a single mom or not.

[CubaPirate]

Attraction to her isn't dispelled if she's got kids. So there's no issues for me

[Anonymous]

She'd really need to be hot as fuck. I mean model hot.

[Anonymous]

For example, there must be a beautiful woman like you.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I'd date a singal mom!

[Bklynbadboy12]

Are you a singal mom

[McForestEagle]

If she wants more kids with me I will :')

[Maybeyoutoo]

I wouldn't consider dating a single mother.

[Singing_Hollow]

do you think its due to your age and that you aren't ready to raise a child let alone someone else's?

[Maybeyoutoo]

Maybe

[Singing_Hollow]

Makes sense.

[Maybeyoutoo]

But if the single woman is beautiful I change my mind

[Anonymous]

does he get to have his own kids too?

[Still-alive]

just compatibility really.

[Anonymous]

I did

And then I married her

[TheCaller]

I don't mind dating a single mom.

[jahaims]

Nothing

[power_wolf]

nothing

[Anonymous]

Nothing