I've become asexual, and it bothers me—any thoughts or advice?

[morganherrel]

It happened a month ago. I forgot how to find a girl attractive, and I can't feel aroused anymore. But I'm casually dating right now and someday hope to find love and raise a family ):

The thought of sex with someone I'm not attracted to literally terrifies me (I realize how childish of a concern this may seem—I'm being completely honest!)

I want to forget about this for a while and see if it passes, but it makes me sad ngl

[On_cloud_wine]

I experienced something similar.. I live in the USA and I’m not attracted to any of these white boy American boys do u truly thought for a second that I liked girls and I was like “nah..” then I decided I was asexual for a while until I met this man from Morocco..

Apparently I have a type.. I like men from the Middle East.. I guess I have a “type” haha

and on that note, you mentioned how you tried to be attracted to girls in your area but they’re overweight. I don’t blame you.. Taking care of your health and eating healthy and working out is very important to me so I would want someone who feels this way too

[morganherrel]

@on_cloud_wine This is an extremely kind and sweet reply. I appreciate it a lot.

[On_cloud_wine]

Yeah

[GOLDFISH_smile]

Wym you forgot? Like u used to find women attractive, but now u don't, & it just happened overnight? Is that what ur saying?

[morganherrel]

yes, exactly... or at least I thought so, ya know?

[GOLDFISH_smile]

Okay. That's definitely something that has a cause & u can address it.
Questions to narrow down possibilities:
1. How's your stress level? Are you very stressed about anything?
2. How's ur health? Any changes besides attraction, like having lower emotions or trouble focusing?
3. Have you had any changes in your life the past few months? Like a change of job, diet, or sleeping habits?
4. Are you on ANY medications?

[morganherrel]

I think I was repulsed by the women I encountered when I recently started casually dating again for the first time in a very long time
The body positivity movement makes me feel ashamed for my old preferences, and I feel like the most girls in my area are unattractive in ways that are entirely their fault.
Now it doesn't matter who the person is, I just can't remember how to physically react to a girl as if she's not a boy.

[GOLDFISH_smile]

Okay that's a totally different thing...

1. What were your old preferences?
2. Why do you feel ashamed of them now?

[morganherrel]

I used to like slim girls with good waist-to-hip ratio. And I had a hard time seeing girls as female if they didn't have that. Recently, I had to cope with the fact that American girls are mostly fat and unattractive, so I had to be more realistic. I decided that physical attraction was only a luxury that I could do without. However adopting this mindset has confused me, and I can't find *anything* attractive now. It's like I've lost something lol.

[morganherrel]

I am also under a lot of stress...

[GOLDFISH_smile]

This sounds like a very simple fix. All you have to do is adopt the mindset that you're allowed to find certain people attractive & not others, & ur allowed to have standards that u be attracted to a woman for u to date her. This doesn't mean women who you aren't attracted to aren't women, it just means u aren't attracted to them. U don't have to like every woman. THAT would be unrealistic. Most people only find a minority of the opposite sex attractive enough to want to date them, so ur just normal.

After adopting that mindset, u can test it out by looking at old pictures of women from when u know u found them attractive. Once u let go of that shame uve taught urself, u should feel back to normal and be able to find the same people attractive that u used to, without needing to feel ashamed bc ur not having to insult or call any other women as men or not female anymore. :)

[GOLDFISH_smile]

Stress can kill ur sex drive & is just generally bad for u. Try to find solution to lower ur stress levels, & u will likely find ur sex drive increase back to normal level.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"I decided that physical attraction was only a luxury that I could do without"

I can spot a misleading path you are on, you CAN'T control your taste with any rational thinking like this, because you're applying a rational method to something located in the instinctive area inside you, it's like using a fork to chop wood ;)

And worse than that, you are working against you, because such forgery inside, it is disallowing you to feel anything. If you are disgusted than be disgusted because it is true to you, to your feelings

[morganherrel]

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain this to me. You are very kind <3

I should allow myself to find attraction the way I am wired to, like you say... and learn to accept it again without feeling bad.

I now understand the problem: I'm afraid that if I allow myself to have the above standards, I will be forever alone. If I lived with my friends who reside in a European town (I won't name it) with traditional beauty standards, I would have no trouble finding attraction by my old standards, but the body positivity movement in U. S. has destroyed it here, and I feel hopeless lol.

[morganherrel]

^ Addressed this to GOLDFISH but you were helpful also, MaybeMaybeNot

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

You're welcome :)

You have this ability to go into introspective mode to uncover what is there to uncover. Follow your own lead, keep uncovering, it will guide you towards somewhere interesting for you, to your own comprehension of yourself

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I'm mostly on the same lead than @GOLDFISH_smile when it's about the psychological benefits of getting rid of shame, so no prob lol

[Anonymous]

WTF dude? You need to chill the fuck out. Here's my recommendation to you:

1) stop using porn
2) reduce your screen time by a LOT. Just use it for work.
3) Get outside more. Touch grass as they say.
4) Workout VERY regularly. Lift heavy things 2-3 times a week and do cardio 4x a week

Do that and your head will be on right in no time. Your dick will work better too.

[morganherrel]

1) I never use porn or search for female pictures on the internet; it's not my thing
2) I try my best to do this
3) I try my best to do this
4) I do frequent cardio, but unfortunately I'm recovering from an illness that prevents me from lifting heavy things
Thanks for your advice

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you're on the right path. What illness did you have?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

This has nothing to do with asexuality.
It has all to do with what you describe already: FEAR

Looking at the right problem helps in solving it ;)

[morganherrel]

you might be onto something; I'll think about this

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Me not, YOU are onto something :D

[Anonymous]

Lucky, you'll realize how easy life gets when sex is no longer a concern

[morganherrel]

Not even literally sexy, but any sort of romantic attraction either
Also, I don't want to have to adopt my kids in the future

[Opinion Owner]

Same here, makes the act of business easier when the flirty methods just do nothing

[Jmmmfi4]

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU FORGET TO FIND A BITCH ATTRACTIVE? LIKE THATS THE DUMBEST THING I'VE READ IN A WHILE

[morganherrel]

it's not a matter of intelligence... I just can't find her attractive anymore xD

[Jmmmfi4]

THEN GO FUCK DUDES

[morganherrel]

Considering it tbh... the guys in U. S. have their act together so much more than the girls 😅
(only half joking 💀)

[Jmmmfi4]

WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

[Anonymous]

You can't become anything.

[Anonymous]

Brainwashed kid

[morganherrel]

Can you elaborate?