What’s the difference between getting comfortable and losing feelings?

Question

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months, and it feels less exciting now. I’m not looking for constant excitement, but we’ve hit a phase where we don’t talk for hours anymore or just enjoy being together without planning something. I’ve been in a long-term relationship before and find myself comparing this one to that, wondering if I’m glamorizing my past.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

You're past the honeymoon phase that almost every relationship has. The fresh feeling of getting to know a person mentally, emotionally, and physically is now gone. You and your partner know each other pretty well and there's not as much to talk about.

At this phase of the relationship, it's usually do or die. Relationships require effort from both ends. Communicate with your partner. Tell them how you really feel. Share every thought going on in your head. Tell them what you think is missing in the relationship. If it's romantic gestures, quality time, physical touch, or words of affirmation, let them know. Tell them to share all of their thoughts on the relationship now too.

You need to put in effort consistently. Don't be afraid to initiate or try something new in the bedroom and make your partner feel desired. Hug and kiss them randomly reminding both them and yourself that you're in love. Plan romantic gestures yourself.

If it's just one person (usually the guy) that's putting in effort into the relationship, it gets draining quickly and he just mirrors your energy. The amount of effort you put into the relationship will be the amount that he puts into it. Not always, but that's usually how it goes.

Communicate honestly and put in effort. That's the key.

Makeushiver · Accepted Answer

The thrill always diminishes with time. Sometimes it last longer for some people than it does for others. Unfortunately, there seems to be no way to hold onto the infatuation with anyone new we meet. I've spent some time researching the reasons for this and psychologists do offer an explanation though it's too nuanced to explain here, I;d be happy to if you would like to DM. None of us would choose to give up the early days when any spare 10 minutes would be enough for some degree of sex no matter where, how public, etc. Hopefully as that fades other factors come into play like wisdom, respect et al. But the spark that existed during the first 6 months-2 years can't burn that brightly that long w/o burning out.

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

"Talking is silver, silence is gold." The excitation and euphoria of infatuation will never last for too long and in any new relationship this phase starts to be shorter any time until it disappears fully.
It's some type of imprinting like all animals do with their parents and siblings and we don't have unlimited amount of attempts.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

That initial spark will burn out eventually, but that doesn't mean the love and passion will fade. That lasts forever for couples that are truly in love with each other. It is an unbreakable bond.

DishLady · Answer

You still have feelings for eo when you're feeling comfortable with one another. Losing feelings often comes with not wanting to be with one another.

Finchie40 · Answer

Why I no longer jump into rely with girl’s this is usually what happens , it’s better to be FWB’s with some strings attached

Lurix · Answer

It’s totally normal for relationships to go through phases, especially after being together for a while. The initial excitement can fade, and it sounds like you’re noticing a shift in how you connect. Not having those long talks or spontaneous moments can feel a bit off, especially if you're comparing it to a past relationship.

Sometimes, it’s easy to glamorize the past and forget the struggles that came with it. Every relationship is different, and it might help to think about what you really want out of this one. Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you’re feeling? Maybe you can find ways to bring back some of that connection, like planning spontaneous dates or setting aside time just to hang out and talk. It’s all about finding that balance and making sure you both feel fulfilled in the relationship.

SweetPi · Answer

Well was your past better? Do you now need more alone time? Is there nothing to talk about?

There is being bored enjoying just being together and being bored not wanting to be near him.

Do you two do good doing chores together or no chores to do?

Cause being married is a lot of alone together doing nothing fun. Just every day life and work and habits

ProbablyClueless · Answer

This is a great question.

I think the big difference is enjoying spending time together doing nothing. You and your boyfriend enjoy simply being around each other. If you had lost feelings, you wouldn't enjoy being with him. You'd need something else to do.

Anonymous · Answer

The difference is when you’re comfortable you don’t compare your relationship to past ones and ask this question to strangers on the internet who 99.9% of the time give awful advice because there isn’t enough context to properly answer. We are unable to answer this question for you, but it sounds like you already have the answer, you just wanna hear it from someone else to confirm it.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Well losing feelings you probably won't really feel sad about ending the relationship.  Getting comfortable... Well you're cool with farting around them.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It is normal for excitement to eventually wane. If you are both committed it won't matter. If one or both are instead addicted to the rush from the excitement, you are probably headed for rough times.

Minky17 · Answer

If you lose feelings - you don't care to text and call them daily or check up on them.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

To me, getting comfortable means allowing yourself to get a bit lazy. Losing feelings is no longer being interested in the other person.

Staximus · Answer

A longer relationship is not going to feel like a new relationship forever, that's unrealistic expectations. Welcome to real life.

Mati91 · Answer

Your still communication and your able to count on them. Plus I only trust 99% so I don’t get complacent.

woahhh152 · Answer

I guess it was lust that brought you two together. Life is too short so talk to him and if nothing changes then move on.

Libermin · Answer

I wouldn't call it losing feelings it's just the honeymoon, everything makes you happy phase is over. This never last forever just the newness wearing off.

Ariesman81 · Answer

It's always the same with you women! You're all toxic and unbearable to be around!

noohair · Answer

If you compare, you are looking for a reason to be unhappy.

tpskchats · Answer

Why not ride the wave?  Life is a highway  It is always bound to diverge or merge

dudegreat91 · Answer

Yeah perhaps monogamy is not your thing.

Anonymous · Answer

Toxicity.

What’s the difference between getting comfortable and losing feelings?

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What’s the difference between getting comfortable and losing feelings?

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