Is it abnormal to not have sex with someone you’re dating?

[Anonymous]

Been dating a guy (49) for a few months now, but known him close to a year. We see each other at least once a week, we’ve kissed, held hands snuggled while watching tv, etc.

But kissing is the most we’ve done. He’s never tried touching my br*asts or anything. And the few times i’ve tried to move things forward by rubbing his leg, etc, he doesn't really respond.

We’re planning a vacation together in a month, but bc of his behavior, i told him i’d booked 2 separate bedrooms so he’d feel more comfy not having to share a bed with me. He said he didn't mind sharing & just one bedroom is necessary. I offered to sleep on the couch if he preferred and he can have the bed.

He considers me his girlfriend, said he’s happy with me. I asked him if he thought i was ugly. I just dont understand the lack of sex. I have feelings for him. And i think he’s a very handsome man.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I'm extremely surprised to see this happening in this age range 🤔

That's puzzling, really, it's really really about time to bring the topic on the table for both of you, I would even ask what stopped you for bringing the topic much before? Because months of unexplained abstinence in the 40's range? That's world record to me, in this range we are supposed to be much more talkative and upfront about any topics, including sexuality 😅

[Asker]

I’ve considered just waiting until the vacation to see if he tries anything, but I don’t wanna wait another month. I feel uncomfortable trying to bring the subject up though. The time before last that I hung out with him, I asked him if he minded me touching him (back rubs, etc) & he said no. I should’ve been a little more specific and said “do you not want me to touch you sexually?”

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I am looking at a couple of very shy personalities then? Or are you both inexperienced in relationships/sexuality?

If that is one of these cases then you seem the one proactive enough in this duet, so let me present the situation like this: The more you say nothing, the more you dwell on this topic, the more you hurt yourself.

You shall try to talk with him using the best of your communication possibilities. If these possibilities aren't much then push on the path you already tried, get physical, no need to be wild, just use a common strategy men are using a lot.

Example, using cuddling as a base to start with, starts innocently with caresses on the non-erogenous parts, back, shoulders, arms, after that proceed to his chest, obviously better if you can do that beneath a top, for impact. For his chest take your time, try to evaluate his ease, if you could accidentally (ofc) apply a slow touch to one nipple or two it would be good. And then go for the belly, normally just caresses on the belly should already fire up your guy. If is still doesn't, and if he is still at ease, go down for the inner thighs. And when your hands are there already, you know then what is your final target 🎯

Just be and remain slow at this, slow on the path to destination, slow and soft, falsely innocent but also determined, it has to work, the path of these caresses has to work! It has to trigger him!

[ProbablyClueless]

Compared with the rest of the population, that is abnormal, yes.

[Billlewis]

Unusual, perhaps, but not unheard of by any means, and certainly not abnormal. Some relationships function best when the male is not permitted to have any physical intimacy with the woman, especially if she also dates other men fairly regularly.

[exitseven]

I dated someone for 4 years who was saving it for marriage. 4 years I will not get back.

[Asker]

I don’t think he’s a virgin that’s waiting until marriage. Well I know he’s not a virgin. Whether or not he’s changed his mind and decided to be abstinent now might be an option.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you asked him?

[Asker]

I haven’t asked him directly “why won’t you have sex with me?”, but I’ve asked him if it bothers him when I touch him and he said no, but it’s very one-sided & weird when i’m rubbing on him & he’s just sitting there & not doing anything back, so i just give up.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why not ask him directly?

[LiamJHayden]

Every relationship is different.

[moneymagnet24]

Sad to see this ma'am
You deserve better